The 5 Creepiest Sex Scenes in Comics

#2.
The Avengers are Totally OK with Incest Rape

Truth, Justice and the American Way are all diametrically opposed to Mom Rape, which is why this crap doesn't fly with most superhero teams. If someone had tried it with the X-Men, you would need a mop to pick up his adamantium-stabbed, laser-burned remains. Lucky for Marcus Danvers, he tried it with the Avengers.

Despite their moniker of "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" they do not enjoy the same popularity or respect as other teams. It's not surprising when you remember the team includes Thor, a god worshiped by marauding rapist barbarians; Giant Man, a wife beater; Iron Man, an alcoholic; and a certain green monster only famous for losing his shit and punching down buildings on a daily basis. And those are the famous guys. Makes you think Captain America only joined them to keep an eye on them.

So one day the Avengers return to their mansion and find their fellow superhero Ms. Marvel eight months pregnant, and she was not pregnant at all yesterday.

Will they investigate and fight whatever alien entity is using poor Ms. Marvel as a freak baby factory?

Or they can act like giggling schoolgirls at their first Baby Shower. Yeah, that can work too.

A little later, despite the help of the Avengers, Ms. Marvel gives birth to Marcus without dying or bursting into flames. The seemingly normal baby begins to grow up quickly because there is no time to lose when incest is the game. And from his mouth we learn where he comes from.

What? OK, see if you can follow this shit:

So the Avenger's supervillain, Immortus, was feeling lonely in his own dimension. He kidnapped some woman and made her fall in love with him with his "machines." We assume the machine in question is a robot that shoots rohypnol darts at anything with boobs.

And from this half happy/half brainwashed union, a son was born (into this other dimension). But the family wouldn't stay together, the mom drifted back to Earth and Immortus, thanks to some time traveling shenanigans, fought and killed a younger version of himself erasing himself off the map. Wait! Shouldn't Marcus cease to exist too? HEY, no time for questions!

Marcus, left alone, decided he wanted to enter our universe. So he kidnapped Ms. Marvel and, with a little help of his dad's date rape machines, got her pregnant... with a fetus version of himself.

At this point in the story, anybody else would have jumped over the guy and started delivering punches like a drunken Chris Brown at the Spousal Abuse Olympics, but these are the Avengers. Really, Thor probably thinks Marcus is a wuss for using his date rape machine instead of just leaving her unconscious with a hammer blow to the head.

Wait, there's more! It is of course at this point in the story, after Marcus has popped out of Ms. Marvel's birth canal, that they begin a romance. Yes, when Marcus is ready to go back to his own dimension, alone, Ms. Marvel is moved by his story (and also by his brainwashing machines) and decides to live with him.

Hey, why not? It's at this point that Iron Man puts the final touches to the story.

Well, Ms. Marvel just got brainwashed, abused and finally kidnapped and taken by the son of one of your enemies to the super duper rape dimension right in front of your eyes. So yeah, we guess it all turned out awesome for you and everybody who is not Ms. Marvel.

#1.
Giant Vaginas Everywhere!

Who wouldn't want to have genitals the size of a fire truck? Let us tell you who wouldn't: women. Comic book artists have been smuggling giant vaginas into comics for quite a long time. Usually by drawing things that are not vaginas but have the shape of vaginas. For instance the interdimensional gate from the pages of Hawkgirl you can see above. To open it you have to buy her dinner first and from some place fancy.

Or these well lubricated alien monsters from the pages of Flash.

We don't know how Flash can fight these things. If you punch them your whole arm will go inside, and then things can get pretty awkward. And the last thing Flash's marriage needs is alien monsters calling to the house with "Hey, remember that time your fist got inside me... wanna go to the movies or something? I miss you."

But those are just things that look like vaginas, not actual vaginas. After all, a real giant vagina would never get past an editor, right?

Oh, wait. Meet Valda.

Valda first appeared in the backup story of Countdown to Adventure. Her superpower, other than being able to eat your house by sitting on it, is to give birth to weapons. We are not sure how that works, what kind of weapons come out or how much they need to clean them before use; because after her first appearance, she never showed up again.

Despite that, Valda was a bonafide member of the team of heroes from that story; she appeared a grand total of one panel. It's like Abraham Lincoln used to say, "You can smuggle a giant vagina some of the time, but you can't smuggle giant vaginas all the time." At least to us that sounds completely unnecessary; after all, giving Valda a plus sized muumuu would have solved the problem.

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