Puppies, kittens, infants: All adorable. And do you know why? Because they're tiny. If you start to magnify these things, then you wind up with the substantially less cute wolves, jaguars and teenagers.
Yes, if there's one thing nature teaches us, it's that what may start out as an adorable little animal friend can quickly turn into a Lovecraftian horror when its itty-bitty wittle mouth gets big enough to start eating your face. And when the little versions are already a little bit creepy, the big versions are the stuff nightmares are made of:
Snails are like minuscule old-timey hobos; the charming kind you see in silent movies with little red bags on sticks--not the kind that pee in your hand when you fall asleep on the subway. They carry their homes on their backs, pose no threat to anybody and generally stay out of sight from polite society.
Occasionally, you might see one that's an inch or more and think, "Christ, that thing is fucking huge!" But, as we told your mom when she exclaimed that very same thing last night: "You ain't seen nothin' yet."
The Horror, Oh God the Horror:
The Giant African Land Snail is one of the rare things that both science and religion can agree should not exist: They can be up to 14-inches long, are simultaneously male and female and can survive up to three years sealed in their shell. And, as you can see from the above picture, they are aggressively not cute.
While tiny humans lose their cuteness gradually after reaching puberty, it's actually quite easy to identify the precise moment a snail stops being cute: When its sickly green snail labia drape over your outstretched fingers like the genitals of an old whore stationed too long outside an army base.
Holy Shit! Is it Dangerous?
Yes, sort of. They're highly invasive and can utterly destroy a local ecosystem. In fact, they were introduced on purpose to several islands in Indonesia during WWII in an attempt to cheaply produce food for U.S. troops. This ingenious plan ultimately failed when U.S. troops, after suffering the countless hardships of war, were less than eager to go down on a snail the size of their face for dinner.