Fire is awesome. And dangerous. Fortunately for us, people who enjoy toeing the line of complete self immolation for the sake of a brief spectacle continue to find creative ways to satisfy their urges, and to post them on YouTube.
We're comfortable showing you these without fear that you'll accidentally torch yourself and everyone you love because one, they're fairly complicated to pull off and involve stuff you probably don't have lying around the house; and two, we have faith our readers are not morons.
Still, we're leaving this warning for when you come back and read this while feeling drunk and adventurous: Don't do any of these yourself, ever.
6Turn Bacon (Or a Cucumber) Into a Welding Torch
Why waste bacon by stuffing it into a cheeseburger or feeding the homeless when you could be using it to cut through steel?
Using a metal rod, roll seven tubes of the Italian super-bacon, known as prosciutto, and bake it overnight on low heat (we really can't recommend leaving the oven on all night unattended, but by this point if cooking some bacon is what blows your house up, it was probably your time to go).
Next, wrap the hardened bacon in more bacon, continually resisting the urge to dip it in a jar of mayonnaise and shove it into your mouth, and continue baking it. Eventually, you get this:
Tie a little more uncooked prosciutto around this beast, then duct tape it to a metal nozzle, hook it up to a tank of oxygen, turn on the O2 and light that motherfucker up.
The flames can melt steel, but the bacon itself amazingly doesn't burn. You can take it off and crumble it up in a salad if you want. The food is unscathed because it turns out the random mess that is organic life makes for poor heat conduction. This is why logs don't burn evenly, and your old aunt's wooden reading chair was relatively unscathed when she spontaneously combusted. You can accomplish the same thing using a cucumber and seven bread sticks, if for some reason you find yourself trapped in an Olive Garden.