6 New Personality Disorders Caused by the Internet

By Jonathan Kimak Jun 30, 2009 1,041,164 views
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The Internet makes people crazy. We all know this. The guy on the message board who just called you a shitclown for owning a different video game console than him probably would have been perfectly polite had you met in real life.

In fact, we're thinking it's time they updated the psychological diagnostic manuals with this list of new disorders that only seem to kick in once the person opens a web browser.

#6.
Online Intermittent Explosive Disorder (a.k.a. The Thin-Skinned Rage-o-holic)

Like serial killers, these people seem pretty normal at first. For hours or even days, they'll carry on funny, charming conversations in a forum or comment section. But then something, anything, sets him off and he devolves into a tantrum that would make Christian Bale say, "Dude, calm down! Jesus."

In Real Life it's Called...

Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

Out in the real world, IED is an impulse control disorder that can make a person act like their entire family has been murdered just because Burger King forgot to put their fries in the bag. They're prone to fits of uncontrollable rage in situations that don't call for it.


This guy just found out the movie he wanted to go to is sold out.

And while it only affects around six percent of people in real life, on the Internet you run into one of these in almost every comment section. And nothing sets them off like a mild hit to their ego:

IED Guy: Hey guys I made this Photoshop, can I get some constructive criticism?
Normal poster: You might want to cut six or seven of the lens flares.
IED Guy: FUCK YOU YOU COMMUNIST FUCKTARD. I HAVE WON AWARDS FOR MY WORK WHILE YOU WERE BUSY JERKING OFF IN YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT AND PLAYING DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS-

(This continues for 2,000 words or so).

A simultaneously hilarious and disturbing example of this made internet headlines in mid-June, when somebody emailed a congressman's office and accidentally referred to his assistant Elizabeth as "Liz," prompting an explosion of 19 furious emails in which Elizabeth demanded that she be called by her full name.

So Why Does it Happen on the Internet?

First, there's the obvious: Most of us suppress our real-life spurts of rage for fear of getting punched in the face by the person we're screaming at. Second, on the Internet, where your looks, job, income and fancy clothes won't buy you any respect, some people seem to think they have to protect their reputation like an old west gunslinger: shooting down anybody who calls them out.

But then there's the third, and least obvious reason, which is that without tone of voice and body language, it's hard to convey mere annoyance or mild anger, without the fear that the person you're conveying it to just plain won't notice. So they think they have to crank it up to a 10 every time they're crossed, even if they don't mean it.

That's probably the weirdest part, that these people who are SCREAMING INSULTS IN ALL CAPS are often at the same time sitting in a cubicle somewhere, sipping coffee and conversing pleasantly with the person next to them.

#5.
Low Forum Frustration Tolerance (a.k.a. The Frantic Browser Reloader)

This is the guy who makes a new thread, knowing he's just written the absolutely perfect post. A post that should be heralded across the Internet for its beauty, comedy and insight. It is such a good post that the guy is checking every five seconds to see if there is a new response. If he gets a response he quickly dashes out his own reply that will appear half a second later.

If there are no responses to his perfect post then he will wait an eternity of five minutes before replying to his own thread with, "What, nobody has a comment? Helloooo???"

You may also find this guy submitting stories to news portals like Digg and Reddit, losing an entire workday hitting Refresh (or F5) over and over, waiting for somebody, anybody, to digg up his submission.

In Real Life it's Called...

Low Frustration Tolerance.

LFT is defined as a person seeking immediate gratification or the avoidance of immediate pain. At first this sounds like the behavior of any whiny seven-year-old who wants a toy and will scream and pump his fat little arms until he gets what he wants. But unlike a kid, a quick smack to the back of the head won't shut this guy up.

Someone with LFT is so obsessed with their current project that everything else in their life stops. It's actually a form of procrastination, the obsession with that (often utterly inconsequential) object allows them to neglect their work, or girlfriend, or their dog that shits in the corner of the bedroom because it hasn't been walked in the last 10 hours.

So Why Does it Happen on the Internet?

There never has been an engine for instant gratification like the Internet. Our parents thought television killed our attention spans, but hell, with TV you still had to wait for the shows to come on, and they played at their own pace. On the Internet, the videos start when you fucking tell them to. If they don't, off to another site. It's like a faucet: you turn the knob and you expect an immediate flow of lolcats.

It trains all of us to be impatient. And it's easy for the impatient to start looking at fellow posters or Diggers as just more pieces of content, morsels that need to be delivered the instant we want them. And why wouldn't we? This is a place where we can get a girl to strip for us on a webcam for like three bucks.

#4.
Munchausen by Internet (a.k.a. The Sob Story Teller)

These are the people who lurk around innocently enough, and then, one day, tragedy strikes. Their dog, or parent, or maybe a close friend died. Maybe the poster themselves found out they have a terminal disease. And unless you're on 4chan, the group will generally rally around and shower them with sympathy. You send this person your prayers and well wishes, maybe a few dozen kitten pictures and you hope they will get through it.

Then, a few months later, another tragedy strikes them. Their best friend was raped, or paralyzed in an accident, or both. A few months after that, their father dies. Again.


"I can't wait to tell the Internet."

Soon it becomes apparent that they are either living under an ancient Egyptian curse, or they're making it all up.

It's so common that somebody else has already coined the sarcastic term for it: Munchausen by Internet.

In Real Life it's Called...

Munchausen Syndrome.

The basis of need here is the same as the attention-seekers above, only these people will only settle for the positive and sympathetic attention that comes with being sick or some other kind of distress. You know, without the whole "actually being sick" thing to bog them down.


Yeah, my house is on fire right now, it totally sucks.

In real life they can keep it up for years, because society doesn't make it easy to be skeptical in these situations. If you cast doubt on them and then later discover it was in fact true, suddenly you're the biggest douche on the planet.

So Why Does it Happen on the Internet?

As easy as it is to pull off in real life, it's 10 time easier online where there's no simple way to fact-check the claims. So it doesn't take a balls-out liar or con man to pull it off. Hell, all you need to do is know how to type, and you have access to that same outpouring of sympathy all Munchausen sufferers get addicted to.

A famous case of cyberMuching was that of Kaycee Nicole, a 19-year-old with Leukemia who turned out to have been created by 40-year-old Debbie Swenson. The Kaycee character posted daily for two years in a online journal about her struggle to live with her illness. She then "died" and only when there was no funeral people did people figure out it had all been a hoax.

And even then, Swenson could keep doing it elsewhere if she so pleased. She may be out doing it right now. On the anonymous Internet, you can create a dozen different characters and when one of them starts to get boring the "parent" can just kill them off. This is clinically known as the LOST approach.

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381 Comments

Actually, the truly skilled trolls, the ones that only have to write one post to cause a forum to blow its top at them, seem to have the exact opposite of Asperger's.... they know EXACTLY what to say to get the reaction they want. It's not offending someone because you didn't know they would get offended, it's offending someone and making it look like you weren't trying to offend them at all.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 7/16/2010 11:45 AM
bobsyouruncle

"A kid commits suicide on webcam while the trolls cheer him on, Anonymous mocks a suicide victim,"

I don't see why these are horror stories. A kid kills himself because life sucks due to everyone else on the planet being a douche, and someone cheers zim on when ze has already decided what's best for them and screw everyone who has a power dynamic tied to the idea of forcing people to not commit suicide (parents, friends, etc...). And come on man, who gives a s**t how someone died, if they're a ass they deserved to be mocked, regardless of how much it will "hurt the family" who probably aren't innocent of raising a person worthy of mockery. Just saying.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 7/14/2010 5:46 PM
pheniox

Most trolls on the net don't suffer from anything other than being dicks trying to get a rise from people. That's as simple as it can get.

Grammar Nazi FTW

1 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/30/2010 12:34 PM
DustinKing

Dicks trying to get a rise? You walked right into that one

Posted on 7/10/2010 10:44 PM
WTDuck

one day I trolled so much in a forum that they actually had to close the registration form to keep me out haha

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/30/2010 12:17 PM
Emucosmos

If I were to be put into one of these categories, it would definitely be the grammar nazi one. I absolutely HATE when people confuse your/you're or their/there/they're, or abbreviate with text-speak gibberish. And right when I was least expecting it, you snuck in that "srsly"!!! God damn you, you clever bastards! You knew just how and when to annoy me so that I would still think it was funny. >_< A$$holes!!! haha

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/30/2010 9:53 AM
NikaChica2006

I seriously have asperger's,and God,it is so much more fun to troll in real life than on the internet.You can see their reactions so you know they're not just having a pleasant conversation with the person in the next cubicle.I actually didn't develop a taste for trolling until 13,and only do it to the a*****es of the world.But I can relate to most of this article,considering how many online games I play.

4 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/17/2010 2:23 PM
Necroskull

I doubt you have aspergers. Since people with aspergers are not capable of SEEING PEOPLES REACTIONS. What was described as aspergers in this article is actually more along the lines of anti-social personality disorder. These people KNOW they are hurting people, they just don't care. People with asperger's can't tell the affect they are having on people, as they cannot read or understand normal social ques, unlike Sociopaths who are well aware. I had to go to a behavioral school when i was in highschool so I had the experience of meeting, socializing, and going to groups with both types of people, and they are both very different. I can understand sociopaths claiming to have aspergers though, as they are manipulative like that.

Posted on 6/20/2010 3:45 PM
dupersuper360

I agree with dupersuper360. I think you suffer from anti-social personality disorder. I have worked in the mental health field for years and have never had a patient that actually suffered from Aspergers show happiness at being able to see the hurt they cause other people. Nice touch with saying that you "only do it to the a*****es of the world". You are trying, unsuccessfully, to make yourself not sound like such an evil p***k. However, if you truly had Aspergers you cannot turn it on and off depending on if the person was an a*****e or not.
Don't get me wrong, you obviously have a mental disorder. You just don't have one that can generate the sympathy or understanding of Aspergers. You problems would more than likely actually generate a repulsed reaction which is why you are probably claiming to have Aspergers.

Posted on 6/30/2010 1:54 AM
lola1978

what are non verbal queses im 14 and dont know.

1 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/5/2010 12:38 PM
zachgeorge

based on the assumption you're not s**tting (''i am 12 and what is this'')
non-verbal ques would be anything that you do to try and tell someone something without ACTUALY saying it, for example if you're mad at someone and you give them a ''dirty look'' you're not saying ''i hate your guts''..but you may aswell be.
people with aspergers genraly can't read these signals as naturaly as others can :)

Posted on 6/15/2010 1:08 PM
anna1104

Statistically, what are the chances that this high percentage of commenters actually has AS?

Tools for getting diagnosed with a personality disorder: The DSM, a pair of scissors, an empty wall, thumbtacks, and darts. Whatever happened to just plain old not fitting in?

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 5/22/2010 2:37 PM
chuckthetrucker

Pretty funny article until it got to Asperger's, where it kinda spiraled into offensiveness. You completely misinterpreted what AS is- it is a social disorder which comes with hyper-sensitive sensory issues, (Such as cringing at the sound of a police siren) eye-contact difficulty, and problems reading facial expressions. But AS people actually DO try to empathize with people, just some of them have trouble understanding how to. Now whether or not people think I'm a jerk for typing this, I really don't care- I just wanted to say- Try not to be so disgusting when describing others different from you. I have AS, and in case you were wondering, Neurotypicals (Normal people) come off the same way to AS kids as AS kids come off to Normal people. Instead of insulting, which kids at my school resort to, try understanding.
Peace.

3 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 5/18/2010 4:48 AM
darknut79

I was taking your perspective, and understanding where you were coming from... right up until you said "neurotypicals." At that point, you became one of those thin-skinned egomaniacs from AFF.

Posted on 5/22/2010 10:21 AM
BeiberFever

I have AS,and that doesn't sound like my life at all.

Posted on 6/17/2010 2:24 PM
Necroskull

Bamawing is correct... your description of Aspergers is sociopathy. But as a troll I wouldn't say trolls are sociopathic. Were not incapable of showing empathy. We merely choose not to.

2 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 5/16/2010 5:35 PM
Vectorman

So... you are voluntarily acting sociopathic?

Posted on 5/22/2010 10:20 AM
BeiberFever

you speak on behalf of a troll, not all trolls.

Posted on 6/15/2010 1:14 PM
anna1104

The Asperger's thing bothered me so much that I registered just to type this. Dude - what you're describing isn't Asperger's, it's sociopathy. People with Asperger's are bad at reading and sending body language and facial expressions, but that doesn't instantly turn them into jerks. They are perfectly capable of empathy... they just have a very hard time understanding how to show it. They do tend to be unnervingly blunt at times, but usually their social problems come off as "odd" and not "dickwad." Just saying.

2 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 5/16/2010 7:23 AM
Bamawing

a lack of empathy can be a symptom of aspergers but just like how you can be diagnosed with an illness without having ALL the symptoms, you don't have to lack empathy to be diagnosed with aspergers, just exhibit a certian amount of a long list of symptoms, it's complex and varies from person to person, i'm not even sure if the whole inability to show empathy is directly cuased by aspergers or simply an indcation of an underlining problem.

you're right, not ALL people diagnosed aspergers are unsympathetic a*****es though by any means.

Posted on 6/15/2010 1:19 PM
anna1104

I have AS and I just don't try to be empathatic anymore.It's just not worth the effort.

Posted on 6/17/2010 2:27 PM
Necroskull

i'm good for aspergers.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 5/3/2010 8:24 PM
thespaceer

fantastic article! I'm proud to learn that I'm 3 for 6, that's good right?

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 5/2/2010 12:38 PM
Paqage

Great research material, Turn up the funny. This reads like a essay. An essay of crazzieee.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 4/25/2010 11:14 AM
Dr.ChuckleCry

The funny thing is that, while real Asperger's Syndrome is rather variable - some of them are unconscionable d******ds without realizing it, while others are just kinda weird - sufferers of "Internet Asperger's" are just uniformly unconscionable d******ds.

On a separate note, I still find the idea of a masochistic albino at a laptop to be hilarious.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 4/24/2010 11:17 AM
The-Rover

I must admit that I do have Online Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. But, I correct people on their grammar in real life too...

2 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 4/13/2010 8:02 PM
Jessi1987

why? who gives a s**t?

Posted on 6/5/2010 12:33 PM
zachgeorge

We do!For me it's less "YOU LEFT OUT THE APOSTROPHE!" and more like "You're*".

Posted on 6/17/2010 2:28 PM
Necroskull

Excellent article. Very intersting. However, I don't know if Asperger's is the appropriate term, considering Asperger's is not understanding verbal cues and whatnot. What you say is basically the same thing as saying that a person is constantly swearing because they have Tourette's; it's just not how it works.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 4/13/2010 10:16 AM
Alsius

I met one of those Online Intermittent Explosive Disorder kids on live while playing gta iv. i was f**kin threatened by a 12 year old

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 3/25/2010 8:53 AM
leonholland

To establish, Asperger's Syndrome is not an inability to empathize with others. That's Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Asperger's Syndrome is characterized by a variety of symptoms, including narrow, very focused interests, repetitive patterns of behavior, sensitivity to certain stimuli (i.e., loud noises), difficulty understanding social norms and picking up on nonverbal cues.

Not understanding nonverbal cues =/= inability to empathize. I have Asperger's, and I think cheering on suicide is revolting. Don't talk about what you don't understand.

3 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 3/15/2010 11:48 AM
TheHangedMan

Well, Asperger's does vary a bit, and some people with Asperger's do have an inability to empathize with people, and come across as being heartless jerks. Meanwhile, there are people like myself who would only cheer on suicide if the self-killer in question was a vacuum cleaner.

Posted on 4/24/2010 11:19 AM
The-Rover

I think thsi is one of those attention seekers or have I just become a troll? I'M SO CONFUSED AND SHIT I'M EXPLODING FUCK.

Posted on 5/2/2010 9:52 PM
OmniDong

So Perez Hilton is a classic example of #2, I'm guessing...

1 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 2/27/2010 10:42 AM
Jeffaplus

perez hilton is an example of f*g.

Posted on 6/5/2010 12:35 PM
zachgeorge
Cracked stuff on
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