This week we take the Cracked round-up to a whole new level by doing exactly the same thing as last week. Feel the power of our burning innovation! Oh. Wait. No. That burning isn't innovation. It's chlamydia.
an insane man parading as a comedian several days late. He was flogged for his insubordination. Next up, Chris Bucholz wrote an article about his rectum that can only be described as "Lovecraftian". Seanbaby followed him up by mocking our heroic veterans and prizefighters, and Dan O'Brien made this week a DOB sandwich with his article about pornography.
6 Disgusting Ways Animals Can Improve Your Health
Why are the gifts of blessed Gaea always kind of funny smelling and squishy?
Notable Comment: "I'm still not letting leeches anywhere near me."
Sorry, KillerPaintCan, but you won't have any choice in the matter once the Cracked Leech Brigades launch their attack. Try wearing a buttplug to minimize leech-exposure to your nethers.
6 Biggest Dick Moves In The History of Science.
Scientists were the kids that got picked on in High School. They have not forgotten this.
Notable Comment: "Mengele's experiments included stitching twins together to see if he could make them conjoined, cooking people alive to see how long it would take for them to get burnt, and injecting them with diseases to see if they would get ill. What a poopyhead." Whoa, teebie, are you sure you want to say that? Mengele was a dick and all, but 'poopyhead'? That's a little harsh, man.
The Shady Agendas Behind 5 Popular Conspiracy Theories.
For our part, we've been trying to popularize the theory that LBJ faked the moon landing on Mars.
Notable Comment:"People are retarted." Thanks for that, Superstar2559.
LIVING A LIE
5 Celebrity Careers Launched By Ethnic Makeovers.
Do you have the courage to lie about your heritage?
Notable Comment:"Rita Hayworth's nephew was an anime voice actor who played Vega several times (including 'Street Fighters 2 The Animated Movie'). Coincidence? I think so." Thank you for the information lol_alf, but we hope you realize this means you can never have sex again.
6 Valuable (And Disgusting) Ways They're Reusing Human Waste.
When somebody finally finds a way to harness the energy potential of flatulence, the obese children of our nation will finally have a chance to prove their worth.
Notable Comment: "Dude, I must know where you found that picture of the girl soaked in oil." Find out where your mother was that one night last week and you'll have your answer.
HBN 35: The Extended Director's Cut.
Oh, Gladstone you cad!
YOU YOU YOU!
Why I Was Late For Work Today: 22 (Photoshopped) Excuses.
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, If Everyday Life Was Directed By Michael Bay.
We're going to need a bigger boot!!!b>
And we shall call him Cobra Commander.
"My name is Inky and I'm addicted to eating Pac-Man."
no, you're supposed to put the WHORES in the front window of the red-light district!!!
My Little Psychopathic Murder Pony.b>
The winning hand on her back didn't make up for the losing hand she'd been dealt by God.
Somewhere in the testicles, there is a world, much like our own, where sperm live happily together, married. And when you masturbate, you tear this world apart!
The wrong way to fertilize a lawn!!
No, you asshole, I told you to build a GORILLA exhibit!
For some rich kids, having a poster of Che Guavara just isn't douchy enough.
Anal probe? Noooo don't be silly. We're just going to kill you.
Wow... I never knew alien sperm glowed like that.