If you're reading this, you are either using a computer, near a computer or looking at one over the shoulder of your neighbor across the way through high powered binoculars or perhaps the scope of a sniper rifle. Lucky for you, that third choice is the cleanest of the bunch.
OK, so a lot of you knew this already suspected your keyboards were filthy (many offices are even handing out disinfectant wipes once a month to have employees wipe theirs down). But what's amazing is just how freaking dirty it is.
While the average office toilet seat has around 49 germs per square inch, that keyboard of yours averages 3,925.
So basically what we're saying is if the only thing you used your computer for was to shit on it, it would be cleaner than it currently is.
Experts say touching Wayne Knight's computer would land you in quarantine.
How could this possibly be true? Well, because toilets get cleaned regularly, even the aforementioned public toilet at the train station gets a occasional pass with a wet nap from a civil servant. Almost none of us think to do it with our office keyboard, and certainly not with the frequency it would require to keep it truly clean.
It's even dirtier than whatever the fuck is going on in this photo.
So all of the filthy shit we touch throughout the day accumulates on those keys over weeks and weeks. Your dog rolls in poop, you pet your dog, you go to work, you start typing. And so on.So Keep That in Mind When...
...you see people go through the trouble of carefully laying toilet paper around the edge of a toilet seat before they take a dump, carefully scrubbing their hands afterward, then happily going back to their desk and eating a doughnut while tapping away on their filth-encrusted keyboard.
Another seemingly innocuous device that will out germ a toilet seat, and even the aforementioned keyboard, is your telephone. This also shouldn't be too surprising, as all people do with phones is press them firmly to not one but two head orifices. How could that not end in horror movie-level grossness?
But again, the surprise is just how filthy the things get.
Remember how the average office toilet seat had 49 germs per square inch? Well it seems the average conversation is a lot dirtier with the office phone weighing in at a whopping 25,127 germs per square inch. Yeah, about 10 times as bad as your keyboard. Holy shit! Don't germs like, become visible at that point?So Keep That in Mind When...
...you know how when an angry customer demands to "talk to your supervisor," your response is to say, "Sure, let me get you the boss" and then shove the phone down the front of your pants? That almost certainly leaves the phone cleaner than it was before.
So, seriously, what could possibly be dirtier than that?
Much of the filth you come across in the day can be traced back to one wet, dirty hole. In order to narrow the list of potential suspects down, we'll just tell you it's your mouth. And everyone else's mouth. That gaping hole in your head is like a germ cannon.
It really is the perfect storm of filth: warm, wet and in direct contact with the outside world every time you open it. And then you consider our nasty habits like chewing on ink pens, biting dirty fingernails, leaving bits of food between our teeth and smoking half-finished cigarettes we find in the gutter (you've done this, right?), and you suddenly realize what a freaking miracle our immune system is.
So how does it compare to our toilet seat (again, 49 germs per square inch)? Experts simply leave the number at "millions." But let's put it this way: The average mouth houses around 700 different species of bacteria in its teeming microbial rainforest, with God knows how many members of each species wiggling around in there.
Damn, those Listerine commercials weren't lying.
This is one reason why a bite from a human is more likely to make you sick than a bite from an animal. It's not that dogs have cleaner mouths (they don't) but that the germs in a human mouth are the kind designed to infect humans.So Keep That in Mind When...
...you see those anti-drug PSAs that talk about the dangers of marijuana, but fail to mention the need to wipe down that filthy bong you're passing around. Fuck the weed, man, get some disinfectant on that thing. Some of these people you're sharing with are hippies.
See what else can get you sick at work, in Chimney Sweep's Scrotum: 10 Bizarre Job-Related Illnesses. And let's just ruin sex while we're at it: check out 9 Awesome Places to Have Sex (And the Horrific Consequences).
And stop by Cracked.com's Top Picks after you've finished scrubbing down your keyboard.