The Web has made things easier for everyone. Unfortunately, some of those things are incredibly dangerous, and they seem to be aimed at exactly the sorts of people you'd least want to find out about them.
So while the Web may have facilitated the information age, we can also thank it for these 10 things that will almost certainly end badly:
Unlike traditional holsters, gun-concealing compression underwear "can be worn with just about everything you own, gym shorts, sweat pants, jeans, dress pants, suit and tie. Works great with or without a belt." Because, seriously, fuck belts. When you're a man on the go, changing pants dozens of times a day, you need to keep your gun as close to your ass skin as physically possible.
The description at GlockStore.com promises that "it's like not wearing a holster at all! So comfortable, so secure, and yet so concealed."
OK, not that concealed.
Why It Will End Badly:
This product is either for people who aren't supposed to have guns to hide that fact that they're carrying one, or people who frequently find themselves pantless in the middle of mortal danger.
In support of the former is the product review from JP in Houston, who finds his gunderwear helpful because "I often wear sweat pants while in public." Unless he's a secret agent infiltrating Houston's shady underworld of unemployed comic book collectors, JP's problem with effectively concealing a gun in his best "going out sweat pants" is one we'd just as soon leave unsolved.
Then again, it looks like the creepy soft-porn video demonstration on the site has the naked-gunfight scenario in mind, as we find ourselves rooting for the lady to pull out her panty gun and shoot the camera man:
The first half of the video demonstrates how well the product hides guns on people who don't tuck their shirt into their underwear, while the remainder shows us what a blonde underwear model looks like saying "Why do I need to take my jeans all the way off?" through her teeth. And really, aren't fans of uncomfortable, forced nudity the sort of people we want to be able to hide guns on their body?
9Close Range Bear Survival Kit from Smith & Wesson
After some rather extensive research, the folks at Smith & Wesson discovered that most bears prefer to do their attacking at close range. How close? Well, the kit contains a short barrel revolver because "[a] longer barrel would make it more difficult to use in such a confined place and at point blank range, accuracy isn't that much of an issue."
But don't let the size fool you. The gun is so powerful that they claim merely firing it on the range will make your hand sore. Just make sure to find a range where they let you walk up within a few feet of the target, and pretend that it's attacking you.
Why It Will End Badly:
The product description readily admits that by the time you get your gun out of your rubber ducky colored lunchbox, the bear's going to be so close that gangland execution is your only option. Just make sure to aim carefully as the bear makes a crunchy pretzel sound with whichever of your extremities it has in its mouth.
The kit also includes a whistle, some mylar blankets and a saw. We have to assume that you amputate your gnawed off limbs with the saw because you just fought a grizzly bear at close range with a pistol and a whistle, and you use the blanket to stay warm as you wait for help while slowly bleeding to death. Most helpful of all, while you wait, you can read the book that comes with the kit: Bear Attacks of the Century and think to yourself "Man, my bear totally did that to me too."