CRACKED Round-Up: Everyone Hates You Edition.

By CRACKED Staff June 6, 2009 26,415 views

CRACKED: Everyone Hates You Edition. Let the Self-Loathe-A-Thon Commence! Note: Despite their linguistic similarities, a Self-Loathe-A-Thon is very different from a Self-Love-A-Thon. Don't make the same embarrassing mistake we did that one summer at camp.

The Cracked Columnists!

First off, we've got Robert Brockway talking about LSD and getting his name put up on all sorts of government watch lists. Next, Chris Bucholz threatens Eminem with testicular rape while Brockway talks about drugs some more. Seanbaby has an aneurysm over terrible advice books and Dan O'Brien watches television. The poor bastard.

JABBERWOCKY USED TO BE HERE.

The 7 Most Bizzarely Unlucky People Who Ever Lived.

Sometimes, you just need to give up and accept that the universe hates you.

Notable Comment: "I'd have to say that I'd put Tsutomu Yamaguchi up for the 'luckiest person who ever lived' award, having SURVIVED, not just witnessed, both nuclear attacks. That's not unlucky."

Sorry mouly0, but we're going to rule that watching two entire cities (one of them your home) die under waves of nuclear fire doesn't qualify as "lucky," even if you survive.

E3=3LAME

5 Things The Gaming Industry Will Never Fix (And Why)

Ah David Wong, he tells us how the world works through the magic of dick jokes and pictures of tits.

Notable Comment: Goblinsonly knows how to play video games, "I like cutscenes they give you time to regather your thoughts and give you something cool to watch which are both handy features if you're high as a kite."

Damn right, brother.

DESSERT EAGLES ARE DELICIOUS

7 Ridiculously Over-The-Top Modifications to Deadly Weapons.

The only thing better than a gun is a gun with a bigger gun stuck to it.

Notable Comment: "I'm a member of the team that developed the Aluminum/Teflon hybrid. Thanks for the plug! The bomb-covered bomb was not our idea, though. I'd give more details but, you know, classified."

Blieber, even if this is true no one on the Internet will believe you. Get us a picture of you standing next to something top secret, like George Bush clubbing a seal, or Barack Obama stabbing puppies.

MEDICINE: NOT FOR IDIOTS

6 Most Terrifying Medical Malpractice Cases Ever.

Look, we understand that everybody makes mistakes. But when those mistakes involve accidentally dissolving a man's penis you might need to reevaluate your life.

Notable Comment: d3ath101 says, "im going to be paranoid in the doctors office now... a lot more paranoid."

If we can get just one less person to go to the Doctor regularly, Cracked will have done it's job. Yes, we are awful, awful people.

TRAGICOMIC!

Terminator: Salvation (If They Left Out The Bullshit)

Captivating! You know, like the movie wasn't.

Notable Comment: Eichen says, " you know? I'm surprised that the filmmakers of terminator salvation haven't stopped by and said "HEY, CRACKED, STOP IT... SERIOUSLY!"

They have. That's why we keep a pig farm nearby.

BriTANick

How Not To Give Yourself A Pep Talk In The Mirror.

Where's the Ska?

YOU YOU YOU!

17 Great Historical Moments Ruined By Modern Technology

We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, What Your Pets Are Doing When You're Not Home.

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42 Comments

@CodyCastor: Did you look in the closet?

6/7/2009 10:56:21 AM

mmmm...

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6/7/2009 8:24:07 AM

logoCD

f**k You, Cracked. f**k You.

Your mother is also a whore.

Now put the Craptions on, whore.

6/7/2009 4:07:26 AM

azynchikin

What, the week I actually win a craption contest, and you leave them out?

6/7/2009 1:39:52 AM

zbeebs

I am posting a comment

6/6/2009 11:10:06 PM

lol_alf

I think it says something about me that I noticed this misplaced apostrophe "Cracked will have done it's job" but not the missing craptions. Not sure WHAT it says, but it can't be good.

6/6/2009 10:08:35 PM

Saevio

I'm disappointed in you, Cracked. I thought you knew better.

6/6/2009 10:06:28 PM

canhazlol?

WHY?! WHY?! WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!

Everyone may hate us, but noone could hate us more than they hate craption-thieves... or craption-withholderers.

6/6/2009 6:07:28 PM

ka_la_la_lira

Good old Cracked stuffs. Here are more fun videos, "Week's Most Hilarious Videos 6/1" http://tv1.com/playlists/430

6/6/2009 4:38:28 PM

sky_slasher

Idiots.

This is the "everyone hates you" editon

No craptions for you today.

6/6/2009 3:16:33 PM

nova_NIN

Hey, Cracked team. I know you're probably under a lot of stress and s**t, but I'd like some craptions here please. kthxbai.

6/6/2009 3:11:00 PM

SexyNoodlesPlz

Have you seen my baseball?

6/6/2009 1:33:48 PM

CodyCastor

Crap...tions!

6/6/2009 1:26:38 PM

kurtofan

Hey.

Hey, guys.

You forgot the craptions, just to let you know.

6/6/2009 1:24:10 PM

DiscoStick

Hey, you're right. I hadn't even noticed the Craptions were missing. But yeah. Give 'em to me.

6/6/2009 12:55:49 PM

Pedgerow

Also the the best TAM video ever ( http://www.cracked.com/video_17435_coolest-house-in-neighborhood-maybe-galaxy.html ) was posted this week and didn't even get mentioned in the round up.

6/6/2009 12:13:28 PM

Hamptoninn

Craptions?.......Boobs?

6/6/2009 12:00:39 PM