6 Valuable (And Disgusting) Ways They're Reusing Human Waste
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#3.
Your Poop
Building materials. Putting a new twist on the old phrase "built like a brick shit house," the Japanese have found a way to make up for the annoying lack of natural building materials in their country by patenting systems that use a much more common resource--sewage--to mold bricks.
There are several companies making these types of bricks, some of which use 100 percent sewer sludge while others prefer a more refined mixture of sludge and debris from standard ceramic tile factories. The bricks are molded and then fired at extreme temperatures, which we assume smells something like cookies baking in Hell.
The end product is a durable building material often used for outdoor plaza flooring, walkways... oh who are we kidding? The end product is a motherfucking brick of cooked shit. Enjoy. #2.
Your Hair (Part 2)
Cleaning up oil spills. Turn on the news on any given night and you're likely to see depressing images of some animal or another marinating in the aftermath of an oil spill like appetizers at a chocolate fondue party.
Back in 1989, an American hairdresser named Phil McCrory was watching just such footage and decided he wouldn't be helpless any longer. Using his hairdressing knowledge, he reasoned that if the hair of a 50s greaser could hold a pint of oil, huge mats of hair could be used to soak up entire tanker spills.
History cannot agree on the exact amount of acid McCrory had taken when he got this idea, but it is generally accepted he was naked and eating macaroni out of a sock. At any rate, he began experimenting with the notion, and as a result there are now hair mats being used to combat crude oil spills worldwide.
The mats are quite effective, though they look a lot like a dreadlock that's been used as a dipstick and/or the top of Samuel L. Jackson's head in Pulp Fiction. Once laden with oil, the mats are tossed into compost heaps to be broken down into top soil by an army of worms and bacteria, which experts note is like disposing of radioactive material by stuffing it into a Twinkie and feeding it to James Gandolfini [citation needed]. #1.
Foreskins
Anti-aging treatments Everyday newborn baby boys are circumcised, quickly and neatly altering their plumbing before they are old enough to remember the trauma of having their genitals mutilated with a scalpel. For years, hospitals have simply discarded the leftover bits in a container presumably reserved for the grossest of the gross surgical waste. But not anymore.
A company called Intercytex is now using some of those wee snippets of penis hat to create Vavelta, a skin treatment used to fight wrinkles and scarring.
Striving for skin as smooth as a baby's... er, foreskin, over 150 patients have now undergone the procedure, paying a stunning $1000 per vial. Each vial contains enough material to treat an area of skin the size of a postage stamp and is stuffed with over 20 million live fibroblast cells, all isolated from the original foreskins and then multiplied in a lab.
Could these experiments result in the cells multiplying out of control, and producing a giant mutant foreskin monster? Yes, according to the screenplay we started writing just now.
Still, given today's tumultuous economic times, it's refreshing to know that a gallant few are still fighting the good fight against old age by throwing down thousands of dollars to be injected with cloned baby dicks. Hey, did you know that any damned person can write for Cracked? And that we pay cold, hard cash? Click here for details. No experience necessary. For more examples on how human excrement is benefiting mankind, check out 6 Ways They're Turning Random Crap into Alternative Energy. Or find out about how our friends from nature are helping us live better, in 6 Disgusting Ways Animals Can Improve Your Health. And stop by Cracked.com's Top Picks because we know you aren't eating anymore. |
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@ hamsterjelly: Yeah, likewise I totally prefer my womens circumcised too. It makes it so much less.. messy down there.
Really streamlines the whole process.
I mean it's a lot better not having all those nooks and crannies for fanny batter to lurk in, waiting to waylay an unsuspecting adventurer.
You can also recycle the flaps for a fetching pair of earrings, tendons for a robot or hilarious comedy dentures for old senile people, as just a couple of examples.
Re: Infinity - Hot.
ever seen that porn clip were a hall full of guys all c*m in a chicks face and it runs down into a big glass bowl? the beauty companies are killing two birds with one stone.
That s**t is amazing. Literally!
http://www.latinstylez.com
watch megan fox nude pic:
http://watchcelebrity.com/megan_superwomen.html
joepaperHonestly, to the semen-to-face one, I'm sure that what the semen giver is on a strict diet of some sort, since one could only assume that, just like everything else that comes out of your body, semen differs based on what you eat. So, really, it's not quite the same. Just find some Kashi-eating guy though, and you're good to go.
I just died a little bit inside.
seriously, who doesn't love a facial?
I actually didn't think this article was all that funny. . . until I read that last sentence. It made everything bad that's happened in my life seem less important. Thanks, cracked.com!
it always amazed me how the beauty industry can sell just about anything.
they already use bull sperm for hair treatment
Hilarious article, made me laugh & gave me the shivvers at the same time, but can't you be adult enough to call Pee "urine" & poo "fecies"?
ahahahah. I might have guys start cumming on my face then. Good for the skin! Of course, previously, I only knew that ingesting bodily fluids could be good for you...
Oh no!!!
The old people will soon realize that they can gain immortality by sacrificing baby harp seals. once they read this article it will only be a matter of time!
Oh wait... no, they're still afraid of computers, we're safe
http://porphyron.mybrute.com
I actually laughed out loud at Your Hair Part 2. But dammit there aren't any legitimate reasons to pee or get peed on. Oh well I'll settle for the bukkake. Do you ever suppose they will make s**t brick houses from a celebrity's waste?
Thanks, Cracked, now I'll never be able to eat Velveeta again.
As a girl, I can honestly say that I prefer men without foreskins. Foreskins are gross and icky, filled with smegma. I hate going down on uncut guys. It's like they said it South Park, they're just cutting off a little bit to make it look bigger.
You also forgot to mention the fact that they use baby foreskins for burn victims and conditioner. They're used on places like elbows and knees where there's a lot of stretching, as oppose to cadaver skins. Foreskins help save lives!
Well now I don't feel so bad about slipping some pee in my mom's drink when I was younger.....I mean I was f*****g HEALING her! Same with my brother and that passed out guy in the alley. What the Hell is wrong with me.......
ive been helping women wit their skin since i was in 8th grade, i should get sum kind of benefits from this process
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I once bought "herbal" thyroid tablets on the advice of someone who took my money only to discover it contained "bovine extract". (Herbal?!)
Ok so that wasn't the first or last time I felt like a right plonker. (Or nearly spontaneously barfed in public.)
Soon after that I read a similar blog on cracked about awful stuff put in food. Horrifically, the "bovine extract" seemed the least of my problems.
I'm now happily sipping a glass of white wine and trying to forget everything I have been told about that cheeky-little-number...