By and large, nature is disgusting. It's chock full of bugs and hobos and other things that roll in feces. But amidst that slurry of nasty, science has been finding a number of medical breakthroughs. Nauseating, repulsive medical breakthroughs.
Hippos are the guidos of the animal kingdom. They're huge, oily and they never sunburn. They're also known for being ridiculously territorial animals capable of gnawing a man to shreds with their vicious gums and Rubenesque, flapping jowls.
But, in studying these chubby, ill-tempered animals from a distance, one of the first things scientists noticed was their sweat. Rather than being clear like human sweat, hippo sweat is red and viscous. Noticing this was totally weird, researchers collected a bunch of hippo sweat probably by sacrificing a few grad students and running a swab across some hippo ass while they were distracted.
After a few hours of hard sciencing, they discovered that the sweat turned out to be a first-rate sunblock. It's filled with little microscopic structures that actually break up and scatter light molecules. It's also a first-rate antiseptic and an effective insect repellent. Kind of makes your sweat's ability to scare away women look pretty shitty by comparison, doesn't it?
Also this is how Hippo Trees are made.
Considering all the things it can do, hippo sweat is the obese, aquatic mammal wet-dream of any cosmetics company. As soon as scientists find a way to make it not smell like hippo B.O. and advertisers find a way to disguise the fact that it rolled off a hippo's ass, expect to see squeeze tubes of this stuff being sold around the globe.