7 Ridiculously Over-The-Top Modifications to Deadly Weapons

#3. Knife Guns

Starts With:

The knife, the sharp object designed for stabbing people when they piss you off.

Becomes Ridiculous By:

Adding firearms, and in one memorable case, brass knuckles.

Ever since guns were invented, manufacturers have been swirling firearms and knives together like peanut butter and chocolate into ridiculous, half-baked morsels of wretched stupidity. One example is the G.R.A.D. RS1 Knife, which packs five .22 caliber rounds into the handle and apparently is so incredibly unsafe/illegal it doesn't even have an official site, only a collection of YouTube videos:

Predating this masterwork is the Elgin Cutlass Pistol, a flintlock/bowie knife hybrid evidently designed for Final Fantasy characters to use on the Oregon Trail.

In 1837, the U.S. Navy outfitted Charles Wilkes, commander of the United States Exploring Expedition in the South Pacific, with 150 Elgin Cutlass Pistols for use on the voyage. This was possibly due to an intense dislike for Charles Wilkes.

Finally we have this gem, designed by an unknown gunsmith in the 19th century--presumably after losing a substantial wager.

Yes, it's the knife/gun/brass knuckles combo. If someone managed to actually kill another human being with this Seussian marvel, a new word would have to be invented to describe the cause of death (we suggest "fistablasting"). Why the inventor thought brass knuckles would succeed after the abject failure of both gun and blade has been lost to the mists of history, and to a more significant degree the mists of alcoholism and shame.

Really Will Only Be Used By:

Video game characters. Yeah, when we mocked the gross impracticality of the Final Fantasy Gunsword in a previous article, we had no idea people ever actually owned the things.

#2. Bomb-Covered Bombs a.k.a. Reactive Material

Starts With:

Your standard bomb. You know, that really explosive thing you drop on people when they piss you off.

Becomes Ridiculous By:

Turning what holds the bomb into a bomb.

The U.S. military is always figuring out ways to kill people more efficiently, and the very blandly named "Reactive Material" is one of their latest ideas. It also happens to redefine the dick move.

Reactive materials work by sticking a nasty explosive compound, such as powdered aluminum, into a coating with something really good at keeping it from blowing the hell up, such as Teflon.

The resulting mixture is inert, which means you can pretty much abuse the stuff with a jackhammer and not run the risk of vaporization. The fun doesn't start until the bomb is actually dropped.

The explosion of the bomb triggers the powdered aluminum mixture, which is stuck to the bomb's external casing. So whereas before a target surviving the initial blast would simply be torn apart by huge chunks of jagged metal, thanks to RM those jagged chunks of metal are now on fire and occasionally exploding. This provides the tactical advantage of making the enemy more dead.

Really Will Only Be Used By:

#1. The M-388 "Davy Crockett" Nuclear Bazooka

Starts With:

The weapon that practically defines overkill: the bazooka.

Becomes Ridiculous By:

Sticking a nuclear warhead on it.

The Davy Crockett already seems like the most counter-intuitive weapon ever invented--a short-range, radioactive bomb for soldiers to use on the ground amounts to little more than a "self destruct" button--but it gets a lot more stupid with the details.

Designed during the Cold War as a defense against Soviet ground expansion in Europe, the weapon had absolutely zero accuracy. Its three-man firing team would just kind of point it towards the nearest battalion of Commies and pull the trigger, hopefully not while downwind. The M-388 only had an effective firing range of about two and a half miles, and laid a cloud of lethal radiation for a quarter-mile around its blast radius.

So, odds were pretty good the three-man firing crew wouldn't get to use their bayonets made out of uranium.

Really Will Only Be Used By:

Duke Nukem. Or, possibly the Brotherhood of Steel.

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For more weapons that will make you shit your pants (some literally), check out 6 "Non-Lethal" Weapons That'll Make You Wish You Were Dead.

And visit Cracked.com's Top Picks because we actually have an TAC-15 equipped with a railgun, and we know how to use it.

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