Every Rock Band Ever: 10 Possible Lifecycles

By Winston Rowntree May 11, 2009 166,688 views

Winston Rowntree is the author of Subnormality, the popular webcomic which he describes as containing "weird characters, endless opinions and occasionally huge walls of text."

In this installment of his weekly Cracked comic Abnormality, Mr. Rowntree shows us what your favorite band's career will inevitably look like.

Check out past updates, in which Winston showed you The Truth Behind Obnoxious Assholes with 4 Pie Charts, Bono as a Superhero, Why Marriage Is Evil, The Mineral States of Man and Every Album Ever or weeks before when he showed you The Circle of Life for Jocks and Nerds, How To Win At Panhandling and How NOT to Get Revenge on Your Ex.

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56 Comments

its very true...but i get the feeling the author is a failed musician writing this to cover old wounds...

8/4/2009 9:07:38 AM

Hawksfan71

You don't include the possibility of multiple successful albums years apart which contain mediocre status-quo maintaining records in between. Especially when the early records came about during the founding of a genre and the later records came at the decline of a genres popularity, where it lost most of its pop appeal.

7/22/2009 11:54:50 PM

weare

9 is Placebo

7/5/2009 8:59:15 PM

klavier

I hate Bono.

7/3/2009 11:31:30 PM

Teddy

4 is Alice In Chains. 6 is definitely Chumbawumba. No doubt about that.

7/3/2009 4:15:11 PM

blackfiremonkey

10 is Frank Zappa in a nutshell. But he generally remained good the whole time (Although he lost a bit of thunder in the 80s IMO).

7/3/2009 9:11:11 AM

TrixRabbi

No, the banjo has 5 "tuny thingies".

6/23/2009 11:46:39 AM

skbrunkh

i have a strong feeling who ever wrote this article is a bitter falled musician.

6/2/2009 10:01:12 PM

Wild_fly45069

UrbanShocker: I'm with you on the sex pistols, but you obviously know nothing about the velvet underground

6/2/2009 2:19:20 PM

wesman

@ drdude12472: the fifth string tuning knob is 3/4 of the way up the fret board. that little jutting out bit.

5/28/2009 4:26:10 AM

seanus

anyone else notice how the banjo has 5 strings yet only 4 tuny thingies?

5/27/2009 12:25:30 AM

drdude12472

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5/22/2009 4:57:45 PM

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Wow, that is pretty cool dude!

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5/12/2009 3:29:26 PM

JimMcDosh

wow, that was actually pretty sharp...
nicely surprised

5/12/2009 1:49:35 PM

incarnadine

10 is definitly Radiohead.

5/12/2009 12:40:58 PM

rad1030

And U2 for number 10? You've got to be kidding me! "Hey I'm saving the world with my sunglasses". Yes, that's a pure musical ideal right there.

5/12/2009 11:52:16 AM

popmaker

I think he often ruins his jokes by the last line, that condescending "this is how it SHOULD be and _I_ know" line. Instead of just keeping it funny. I mean it's not THAT insightful, it's not he just blew my mind with that incredible piece of insight.

Otherwise pretty funny.

5/12/2009 11:49:43 AM

popmaker

ROCK AND ROLL!!!

5/12/2009 12:25:44 AM