Every Rock Band Ever: 10 Possible Lifecycles
Winston Rowntree is the author of Subnormality, the popular webcomic which he describes as containing "weird characters, endless opinions and occasionally huge walls of text."
In this installment of his weekly Cracked comic Abnormality, Mr. Rowntree shows us what your favorite band's career will inevitably look like.
Check out past updates, in which Winston showed you The Truth Behind Obnoxious Assholes with 4 Pie Charts, Bono as a Superhero, Why Marriage Is Evil, The Mineral States of Man and Every Album Ever or weeks before when he showed you The Circle of Life for Jocks and Nerds, How To Win At Panhandling and How NOT to Get Revenge on Your Ex.
The last one is kinda me, I mean I'm not going to brag about being the greatest musician alive but I couldn't give half a s**t if I become famous or not I just wanna play, and bring some joy to people, because music is worthless without an audience
Replylast one is Daft Punk
Replythe last one is Radiohead.
ReplyModern Metal Edition:
Reply1. The Human Abstract
2. Unknown. Shaping up to be Wintersun =/
3. Megadeth
4. Decapitated, except the reunion was mind-blowingly epic.
5. f*****g Metallica.
6. Nightwish
7. Mastodon, this year in fact.
8. Kalmah
9. Amon Amarth (that said I do love them quite a bit)
10. Cynic/Between the Buried and Me/Animals as Leaders
- This was published in 2009, several years after it became impossible for rock music to have even moderate success, let alone a "#1 hit".
Reply- Today, new albums only sell at all because the people buying them only know the one hit single that is played overplayed endlessly on everything that isn't a radio, making the concept of a "successful album" pointless, let alone a rock album.
1. Cage the Elephant
Reply2. Operation Ivy
3. Green Day
4. Foo Fighters (from Nirvana, though I love both of them)
5. U2 (I'm looking at you, Bono)
6. Michael Franti
7. Radiohead
8. Sonic Youth
9. Pearl Jam
10. Red Hot Chili Peppers
1.Motley Crue(mainly because they did nothing of relevance after the 1980s, apart from the odd sex tape)
Reply2.The Sex Pistols(obvious choice)
3.Judas Priest
4.Led Zeppelin?
5.KISS, KISS, and more KISS
8.Overkill, Exodus
9.AC/DC, Motorhead
10.I would put Metallica, if number 10 included 'declaring oneself to be a piece of furniture'. Metallica goes for number 6 as well.
What about Van Halen? Which category do they fall under?
Except Motorhead, while sticking closely to their tried-and-true formula, aren't trying to recapture the past, mainly because they're still putting out good music and are still incredibly successful. They're consistent, not the same.
And right under the article they have an ad for that Lou Reed/Metallica shitfest 'Lulu'. Wonder what lifecycle they fall under
ReplyI think Tool is probably an example of number 6, only the 'hit' happened more than once. (Sober and Jambi immediately come to mind...Schism too.) Course, there are all the side projects... hrm. Of course, A Perfect Circle is also a great band and I've heard Puscifer (sp?) is good though I haven't heard any of their stuff. Hrm...maybe they're #10?
ReplyI'm calling #1 for Arcade Fire, maybe with an extra fourth album. Funeral - f*****g amazing. Neon Bible - Eh. Suburbs - Pretty good, but not as good as Funeral.
ReplyAn extreme example of number four would be Dead Kennedys
ReplyNot sure if I'll get an answer, but where would carcass be?
ReplyEither 10 or 7, depending on your views on Heartwork and Swansong.
I guess ten, since they've been more or less changing their sound since Necroticism. Thanks for the reply
Number 10 is Neil Young. Obv.
Reply#9 is the Beatles, definitely. Hideously overrated band.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThe Beatles? Seriously? The same album for 12 years? They branched out and changed wildly after drugs became an influence to their music. They're one of the few bands who could write masterful pieces of music that were also very marketable. Their lyrics are delightful, their compositions are works of experts, and their innovation rocked the world at that time. #9 refers more to bands like AC/DC.
God damn, AC/DC sucks.
Yeah, anyone who says something like that about The Beatles knows absolutely f**k all about them. Do some research, friend. Every band you like owes them a huge debt of gratitude, as many, many things commonly used in music today was done by them first and better than anyone today.
My opinion
Reply1: Cage the Elephant(I'm calling that in advance)
3: Green Day, Metallica, Rolling Stones, ect
4: Avenged Sevenfold, Nirvana
6: Plain White T's, Panic! at the Disco
8: illScarlett
9: Weezer
10: My Chemical Romance perhaps? Their style does change a lot album to album. Otherwise, Radiohead
Definitely not Avenged Sevenfold dude- they just kept on going in the same style their guitars and vocals are the driving force in the music. Although Nirvana are a classic example as are the likes of Led Zeppelin.
Also Weezer Really? I would have said that every band tends to write the same kind of music - it's what their fans like to listen to. However in saying that a bands sound can take a while to find. It seems to me Weezer just found it a little earlier than most.
My Chemical Romance are also a pretty crap example they release albums depending on what sells at the time. They haven't changed genre particularly they are a pop band for 15 year olds who feel they are rebelling against whoever the hell it is they perceive as "the man".
One artist who has however changed genre just for the sake of making music is Tom Morello.
4 would be X Japan except their comeback was actually awesome, so more like Jesus or a vampire than a zombie
ReplyNumber 3 sounds like Metallica to me.
ReplyI remember when coffee was only $1.95...
ReplyI remember when coffee was only a few Venetian liras!
10 brings David Bowie to mind a little. Or maybe the one with the guitar that turns into a trumpet halfway through. Only the trumpet is as successful as the guitar that preceded it.
Reply#1: Oasis,
Reply Hide All See All 6 Replies#2 Sex Pistols
#3 Rolling Stones
#4 Queen + Paul Rodgers
#5 Jefferson Airplane and its spinoffs
#6 Plain White T's
#7 Radiohead
#8 Neutral Milk Hotel
#9 Weezer
#10 The Beatles (maybe The Flaming Lips?)
#10 maybe greeenday? There are a lot of band that could be put there. Then again greenday just went mainstream, but its pretty impossible for a punk band to be punk for more than a few months of popularity considering punk kind of has to not completely make it to be punk in the end.
I'd put radiohead as a #10, personally
^^ well yeah i'm glad you get that being popular doesn't make them sellouts, and i agree they're not punk anymore. so yeah, #10 would fit but i was also sort of thinking #3 in terms of only longevity (2 decades) since they (arguably) didn't make any terrible albums and are not still completely adolescents. yeah but rolling stones is better i think...
3 is Metallica
For it to be green day, it would have to be a kazoo followed by...a kazoo that takes itself very, very seriously.
Frank Zappa would be the best fit for the last one, I think.