5 Terrifying Bastardizations of the Wikipedia Model
The fact that Wikipedia lets anybody edit just isn't enough for some people. Some demand their own Wiki, damn it!
What kind of people feel the need to set up an entirely separate reference? Why, that would be the ones who live on the fringes of society, who need a place where their people can go to be shielded from the whole "outside world" thing.
Reading these inbred cousins of Wikipedia is like stepping into a terrifying parallel universe.
#5.
Conservapedia
Even if you're the most conservative damned person you know, I'm betting you'll still be plenty creeped out by Conservapedia, which bills itself as a "much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American."
It's tough to argue against that last part, as there are rumors that some of the authors at Wikipedia are not very good Christians, and that others are not even from America at all. It's no wonder Wikipedia's entry for "United States" is nothing but a Photoshopped image of a cow shitting America.
[citation needed]
Luckily, Conservapedia blows the lid off its rival, in its entry on ...
"Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia founded by entrepreneur and atheist Jimmy Wales and philosophy professor Larry Sanger...Despite its official "neutrality policy", Wikipedia has a strong liberal bias. In his article entitled 'Wikipedia lies, slander continue' journalist Joseph Farah stated Wikipedia 'is not only a provider of inaccuracy and bias. It is wholesale purveyor of lies and slander unlike any other the world has ever known.'[1]"
Yes, not even Hitler's own propaganda machine can stand against the pure torrent of evil lies that ushers forth from Wikipedia. Fortunately, these guys are here to restore some balance to this thing. Let's check out Conservapedia's even-handed treatment of, say, liberals:
Liberal:"A liberal is someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reasons. There are no coherent liberal standards; often a liberal is merely someone who craves attention, and who uses many words to say nothing."
Everything you need to understand about life inside the hardcore conservative bubble is right there in that paragraph. "People with other points of view aren't actually disagreeing with conservatives. They're just pretending to, probably because they're gay little babies!"
Actually, "bubble" probably isn't the right word. The folks at Conservapedia are trying to build something more like a bunker, surrounded by six feet of concrete that no opposing ideas can pierce. If you're wondering how the conservative movement got to DEFCON crazy, I've prepared a helpful timeline:
If it sounds like I'm being critical, some of the entries make valid points. For instance, I defy you to construct an argument against this:
"Vic Eliason of Crosstalk America rightly points out that if all Americans turned homosexual it would only take a few generations for the United States to lose most of the population of the country through lack of procreation. This would make the US more vulnerable to attack by our enemies."
That is in fact what would happen to an entirely gay country. Checkmate, Harvey Milk. Let's look up Hitler:
"...consciously sought to make the practices of Germany conform to the theory of evolution.[14]"
At this point you may be calling bullshit, figuring it's some snarky Stephen Colbert-esque mockery of the right. Not so. Conservapedia is the work of Andrew Schlafly, a lawyer and school teacher (let that second one sink in for a moment) and son of famous conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly (these days you can find her complaining about how George Bush wasn't conservative enough).
Where it Really Gets Weird...
The Conservapedia Bible Translation Project:
Upset that the Bible doesn't warn us about the dangers of Socialism, welfare and Hollywood? Rewrite that shit!
For further research, see...
Liberapedia, the grossly sarcastic liberal answer to Conservapedia. Their most-visited entry? Conservapedia.
#4.
Wikifur
To prove we're impartial here, we swing to the other side of the political spectrum, which is where you'll find the animal/human sex fetishists (source: Conservapedia).
So let's pull up the furry Wiki at Wikifur. We saw the "Hitler believed in evolution" entry at Conservapedia, so let's see what these guys have to say. Searching for Hitler on Wikifur lead me to...
"Nazi Furs is a furry community who harbor an interest in WWII era Germany for historical, militaristic, strategic, living history, reenactment, or fetish reasons."
Below, according to that page, is an example of a Nazi furry, and the Nazi Fur flag:
Yeah, so that's probably the end of civilization right there.
After taking a break for a couple of days, I worked up the courage to search for "sex." Hmmm... it seems to redirect us to "Yiff." The first thing I see at the top of the page is this warning:
OK, somebody has written something on the subject of furry sex that doesn't conform to furry standards. I have to say that scrolling further down that page took more bravery on my part than all of history's war heroes combined.
"Various sources mention it could be named after the noise foxes make while mating. ('It's the sound you get when you rub two foxes together.')[citation needed]".
No, Wikifur, keep that goddamned citation to yourself. Let's go the other direction and search for the least sexy word we can ...
Their entry for "Denmark" is a link to the "Furry Map of Denmark".
Now members of the Denmark furry community can find each other and do furry... Civil War reenactments or whatever they do. But it seems like they should have avoided using a style that's surely going to remind people of those sites that map out the sex offenders in your neighborhood.
FurryWarningSystem.com
Where it Really Gets Weird...
"Animal symbolism is common throughout the religion itself, Jesus himself being compared in the Bible to both a lion and a lamb. Christian furry artists, such as XianJaguar and Holly Ann, depict images of Jesus as an anthropomorphic lion. Some Christian furs even refer to this lion form of Jesus as Aslan."
When I finally build my time machine, I'm going to go back and find a pre-Chronicles of Narnia CS Lewis and show him this, and see if he doesn't abandon animal imagery, writing and Christianity in one fell swoop.
For further research, see...
Memory Alpha, the world as seen through the eyes of another deep corner of Internet fandom. Specifically, Trekkies. Look up Hitler and find how how he won World War II in an alternate time line where Dr. McCoy inadvertently intervened on his behalf.
#3.
Encyclopedia Dramatica
So a bunch of 4chan guys got together and wrote a Wikipedia clone. Most of you know it exists already and, yeah, it chronicles all of the Anonymous memes and raids and so on. So you look up a popular meme like "Scientology" and you get:
"Appropriately, [L Ron Hubbard] finally bit the big green burrito of death from gobbling down too much Vistaril. This was confirmed when Scientologist fagslaves tried to take his corpse to burn it, but were pwned by the Coroner, who got there first."
It's about what you'd expect. You'll see lots of "epic" and "lulz." But try something for me. Go to Google. Type "encyclopedia" into the box and let it suggest a search for you.
That's right. Dramatica is at the top of the list. Above Britannica, Americana; even fucking Encyclopedia Brown.
Now go to their list of articles. There are fucking tens of thousands.
Yeah, this is pretty much a fully functional Wiki through the warped lens of 4chan. And, according to Google, it's the most popular encyclopedia on the Web. Pick a subject. Any subject.
"In the beginning, America was butthurt by three things that the British trolls were doing: restricting American citizens from buying queer shit from France, Shanghai-ing of U.S. citizens into the British Navy, and giving Native Americans firewater and guns."
The Roman Empire:"Over 9000 years ago, there was a land that every /b/tard would have been proud to call home. It was a realm made up of awesomeness and win. It was a place full of loli slaves, orgies, neurotic dictators, Jew killing, and shameless wars against the lesser races. This place was called the Roman Empire."
From the original page
"Despite the misleading name, Pol Pot is not Polish pot; rather, it is the monicker of a committed environmentalist, hippie and highly successful comedian, Pol Pot did everything for the lulz."
"The original mad scientist. Nik is best known for being an attention whore, an uber-1337 h4x0r...Nik went on to build his own laboratory atop a volcano, before starring in 'The Prestige' as David Bowie."
"If you do encounter someone who actually does have agoraphobia try the following fun things to do with him/her/it:
Drop them off in the middle of the woods.
Burn down their house.
Kick them in the face until they die."
And of course...
"He was a vegetarian. Not out of principles but because he had horrible IBS and gastritis and his stomach couldn't handle meat (though his colon and lower intestine seemed to handle it just fine)."
And on and on. There are entries on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Aaron Burr and The American Psychiatric Association.
Somewhere, right now, there's a high school kid writing a term paper using Encyclopedia Dramatica as his source.
Where it Really Gets Weird...
To get an idea of the deranged efficiency with which Encyclopedia Dramatica functions, they had an entry on the Swine Flu outbreak up only about 48 hours after Wikipedia. If you're curious:
Swine Flu:Swine flu (a.k.a. pig AIDS, burrito blight, or enchiladapocalypse) is permabanning everyone from IRL, just like bird flu was doing from 2004 to 2008, SARS did in 2003, and swine flu 1.0 did in the 1970s. Many current media reports are saying that the US Government did it for the lulz.
For further research, see...
The much less coherent Wooo!pedia, whose Hitler entry is only 18 words long.
Hilarious...
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesOn Conservapedia: "Creation science asserts that the biblical account, that dinosaurs were created on day 6 of creation[3] approximately 6,000 years ago, along with other land animals, and therefore co-existed with humans, thus debunking the Theory of Evolution and the beliefs of evolutionary scientists about the age and creation of the earth. "
So... because your one book says something, that means it must be true? Even though there is absolutely nothing corroborating what your book says?
Also... "Creation science rejects the "Great Impact Theory", pointing out multiple problems with this theory."
But it doesn't explain any problems with this theory. It just says there are problems with it.
I've decided I'm not sure which theory is most stupid, the idea that dinosaur fossils are all, every single one, faked. Or the idea that they existed until very recently. Both are extremely stupid.
Nomen, I think the stupidest part is how "creation science" debunks the ToE just by "asserting" stuff.
"When I finally build my time machine, I'm going to go back and find a pre-Chronicles of Narnia CS Lewis and show him this, and see if he doesn't abandon animal imagery, writing and Christianity in one fell swoop."
ReplyHow would it make him abandon Christianity?
Re: #2 (Pagan Wiki):
ReplyEvil-Lyn for the Evil Win!
Oh god, I can't stop reading Metapedia. This is terrible.
ReplyOh, thank god. I thought I was the only one. It's terrible, but I can't look away.
I started with "did you know the term Nazi was coined by a Jew," and the rabbit hole just went straight down from there. Did you read their article on wikipedia?
Looked up "Islam" "Pakistan" and "Israel"on conservapedia
ReplyNow I want a shower and to leave this horrible country full of racists
Hahahhahahaha, you found Nazi Wikipedia?! Must troll!
Replyknowyourmeme is fantastically awesome! They write about memes that claim to be oh-so popular, yet no one outside of the basement has ever heard of!
Reply"Somewhere, right now, there's a high school kid writing a term paper using Encyclopedia Dramatica as his source." I can go you one better - at University, I wrote a paper ABOUT Encyclopedia Dramatica and 4chan and how they represent an inversion of Michel Foucault's analytics of power.
ReplyThat isn't better. Unless you used ED and 4chan as your only sources.
i have to say i enjoy reading encyclopedia dramatica once in a while. some of the s**t is f*****g hilarious.
ReplyI tend to avoid it now (I could have gone my whole life without knowing what 'goatse' was) but "enchiladapocalypse" is the greatest thing I've ever read.
One I go to a lot is Wookiepedia.
ReplyIt's for my Star Wars DnD roleplaying game I'm a part of.
Furries and Conservatives are likely using their exposure in this article to spread their vile corruption. We should burn both groups at the stake just to be sure.
ReplyYou include Furries and Conservative but not freaking Nazis, burn the Nazis first then if you still have time move on.
I have an idea! Use burn the furries and conservatives using the nazis as firewood!
Even though Encyclopeda Dramatica is an odd duck, they have a really good entry about IKEA. I read it after furnishing my entire apartment with IKEA products (and only a regular screwdriver), and it was most appropriate.
ReplyThe whole article on IKEA was lifted from GTA 4 (last I checked). If you visit the in-game web page for the games IKEA stand in it's basically the same article word for word.
Encyclopedia Dramatica is connected to 4chan in the same way Know Your Meme is. ED is not run by 4channers, it was not started by 4channers, and the two are separate entities. Interestingly enough, one of the stated reasons for EDs shutdown last year was t
ReplyShit, Candlejack got h-
To be perfectly fair, Wikipedia does have a very noticeable bias to the left, as does basically the whole of the internet, save for the clusters of hyperconservatism (See: this article). Now, I'm not trying to say that's horrible, but Wikipedia does act like it is made without bias, but it is (See articles such as anti-feminism, or Rush Limbaugh). Now, I'm not saying that anti-feminists are people who should be respected, or that Rush Limbaugh is an intelligent human being, but the information discussing them should be held to the utmost neutrality. Defeat your enemy by being more professional than them.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesSometimes it's more satisfying to defeat your enemy by downvoting them and then making faces at your computer screen. Nyeehr!
Mickyten is an American hero, even if he is not American. Because America, f**k yeah, saving the motherfuckin' day yeah!
EncyclopediaDramatica is, like, a third of the entire internet.
I would not call them biased toward the left.
To be fair, according to conservatives the truth has a liberal bias.
I saw bastardizations of wikipedia and expected TVTropes. I got much more than I bargained for.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesTVTropes is not a bastardization of Wikipedia, but a perfection of the mold.
TV Tropes is the world's greatest f*****g creep trap in the world.
Those guys are all contained on one terrible website. Praise Allah the merciful for that every day.
TVTropes is like internet crack. I. can't.stop.looking.up.tropes.must.sleep...
the liberal bias on wikipedia is probably becasue any idiot can just edit whatever pages on it whenever they feel. Like the way Wikipedia presents republicans in a condescending manner is probably because some idiot rewrote it and Wikipedia locked it afterwards
ReplyOr Republicans really are that retarded and deserve everything written about them...
Guys, you DO know paganism isn't the magic/sacrifice loving s**t that hollywood/Charmed have made it out to be. It's actually pretty normal. It's mostly seen as "Evil" because the Christians were trying to destroy Paganism.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThink about that for a second. A religion so whack that people worshiping a god that asked a guy to kill his son (lol, jk, god was just kidding the whole time for lulz!) said "AWW HELL no, that's crazy!"
Christians of way back when had no reason to dislike the religions that came before them (damn near stealing every ritual and holiday they could from their predecessors to help people transition which is something this article even mentioned, how did you miss that?), it was more like they wanted to have all the followers to themselves. Which to be fair, they were not even the first to do that seeing all the similarities between ancient religions.
So, yeah, if these other religions people have termed pagan were really so evil, old school Christians probably wouldn't have stolen all those holidays.
On the other hand, you cannot deny a lot of old religions that predated Christianity used animal sacrificing. Or human sacrificing depending on who, what and when we're talking about. To sum that up, it was neither all the sunshine and happiness or the ten kinds of butchery people on either side of the issue will try to focus on.
The paganism discussed on that wiki - and that most people talk about - is a modern invention with no real relationship to the pagan religions early Christians acted against.
I went to Encyclopedia Dramatica and while clicking on links at random, I had the opportunity to see their article on Yiff. Decided not to go there.
ReplyHow bout boobpedia? Not so terrifying actually.
ReplyI do not f*****g believe this. I kid you not, I CREATED Encyclopedia Dramatica's entry on Pol Pot when I was 19. Last time I checked (after this article was first written) all my original work had been edited out, but the bit about him being a hippie, comedian and environmentalist was my idea. (Think about it, he wasn't keen on guns - political disidents were usually bludegeoned to death - he made everyone get back to the land, took radical and afirmative steps to combat overpopulation and when he told a joke, everyone laughed)
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWhy on earth did you do that...what a waste of time. I mean, writing this comment is even less of a waste of time than that.
I do not know, find pleasure in funny articles. I'm sure that's a strange idea to Cracked.
[citation needed]
If that actually was you, I applaud you. That sh*t was hilarious.