The Cracked Round-Up: This Time It's Impersonal.

You don't deserve our attention, sniveling worms. Kneel before the gore-drenched altar of INTERNET COMEDY!


We began this week of triumph and tragedy with Chris Bucholz's stirring eulogy to the late, great Bea Arthur. Robert Brockway livens things up with his bitter rant about the failed dreams of yesteryear, while Seanbaby bitched about the ridiculous sport of Competitive Eating. Last, Daniel O'Brien utilizes his greatest gift of all, fear-mongering.







And, As In Uffish Thought He Stood, The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
6 Random Coincidences That Created The Modern World
To sum it all up; shit happens.


Notable Comment: "Is it just me, or does baby Hitler look really like Swaim?? I'm just saying." Esme, you have uncovered a terrible truth that lies at the heart of the global power structure



STUPID-FACE
10 Retarded Money Saving Tips People Are Actually Trying
It's like if Scrooge McDuck were retarded.


Notable Comment:"You know, women used reusable cloth pads for millenia before disposable paper ones came into use. It may be 'gross' to the average person, but it's actually very, very natural. I don't do it myself, but I would and may someday in the future. Also, is it so different from a baby wearing a cloth diaper? Many of us here, particularly those of us that are older, probably wore a cloth diaper at least once or twice. However, I can agree that festive pad patterns are ridiculous. A possibly less 'gross', but equally green option is the Diva cup, a washable, reusable silicon cup inserted to catch the menstrual fluid." ...Thanks. Thanks for that one, Sapphires13. That's just super.



CRAZY PICTURES!
6 Famous Characters You Didn't Know Were Shameless Rip-Offs.
Childhood is filled with lies.


Notable Comment:"Not only does the Brotherhood of Evil have a brain in a case and an armed, intelligence gorilla in the team, the brain and the gorilla had a, er, uh, "thing" for each other." Spitz512, you're giving us some fantastic ideas for a porn flick.



BARE NIPPLES
6 Ways That Porn Runs The World.
As noble Socrates said, "Porn is the ambrosia of life." Okay, not really. But he probably would've agreed with it. You know what they say about guys with beards.


Notable Comment: "Damn you america!!! First you took all best oil filled countries, now you are taking our porn, what will be next? Is there any hope for europe?" Kloc, Europe's future involves making the pornography that American's can't or won't. It's not going to be a pretty future, but it'll keep your backwards mud-nations from sliding into blissful entropy for a few years. Until the Porn-Bots come.



C-C-C-C-OCAINE!
6 People Who Secretly Ruled The World
Behind every great man, lies an even greater man who sticks to the shadows because he is terrified of being shot in the face.


Notable Comment: "Is it OK to have sex with your mother if she's not really your mother but Angelina Jolie?" We don't know what the Bible says about it, but we're saying it's A-Okay.





GREG & LOU
Why Having Wolverine's Claws Would Suck
SPECIAL EFFECTS!


YOU YOU YOU!
If Everything Was Made By Microsoft
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, New Holidays They Need To Invent.



Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

4.30.09:

Symptons of the swine flu may vary.
by getittwistd

Editor's pick:

I told you not to throw bread out for him, now there's TWO!
by crazyivan

4.29.09:

Next on Mythbusters:
by sdc11

Editor's pick:

Billy's mom told him a million times, always jump while peeing.
by Sweet310

4.28.09:

Coming this summer: Michael Bay's "Jonah!"
by zbeebs

Editor's pick:

The inevitable Finding Nemo/Cars crossover from Pixar.
by Brett-Butler

4.27.09:

Every 15 minutes this sculpture becomes a fountain.
by GaseousClay

Editor's pick:

Statue of Liberty before she became famous...
by shaf

4.26.09:

Sesame Street also has a red light district...
by Leaf

Editor's pick:

That caution tape needs to be put back up, for goodness sake.
by warcraft004

4.25.09:

It may be a one horse town, but it's a very nice horse.
by Blinker_Fluid

Editor's pick:

I always hide my horse under a rug in rough areas, so it doesn't get stolen
by ExtractOfCactus

4.24.09:

Headline: Skinhead Attacks World's Blackest Man
by jessen

Editor's pick:

Wrong convention, my furry friend... now MARCH!
by crazyivan

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