Instruction Manuals for the USS Enterprise
With the comfy starship and the open-minded, humanistic captain, life in the Star Trek universe sure looks a hell of a lot easier than what we're doing now.
But make no mistake, the USS Enterprise is a workplace like any other, and there are strict rules that must be followed if unthinkable consequences are to be avoided.
Here are some helpful guidelines you can find posted around the ship.
The Transporter Room:
Security:
The Captain's Quarters:
Found a God? BREAK HIS STUFF! So say'th the the advice trekkie!
ReplyYay! This was fantastic.
ReplyLove it. That flowchart made me laugh.
ReplyWatching an ep of trek while reading this - great article btw - im a nerd, and proud of it.
ReplyReading and watching T.V. at the same time... ALIEN!!!
That is illogical.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only one person imagines Spock with sunglasses, my job is done.
I love that flowchart. :D
ReplyThis is pure gold. The flow chart, combined with the 4 guidelines, succeed in poking fun at pretty much everything wrong with Star Trek.
ReplyWhich is, at the same time, everything that is right with Star Trek.
Good save.
As an Ensign j.g. on the Excelsior I questioned the logic of a prime directive that is basically violated once we are close enough to read their EMPs. **sigh** Almost cost me my career. Thankfully I fell under the 500 year old "Equal Opportunity" guidelines. I hated to play the race card but it still being effective after 5 centuries says it all. I know a certain commo officer who scored a 52 on the Fleet exams and she got her earpiece right after basic. Humans....
Replyhazzardous u suck
ReplyFuck off with the Star Trek shit already!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI propose that instead of making articles about it you just feature regular pictures of that Star Trek guy naked to appease the nerds. You can then dedicate your actual humour towards articles about porn.
You're a bad person. If you don't like Star Trek, don't read the f**king articles, you ridiculous waste of air. I mean Cracked doesn't come down to where you work and slap the dick out of YOUR mouth, so why not just roll with the punches and click away if you see something you don't like, you camelhumping pimp of a jackass...
Wait... which Star Trek guy are we getting naked?
Hazardous troll is hazardous.
meh.... guess i have to be a Trek fan to have enjoyed this better.
Replylol i think its funny how these fanboys on cracked nut everytime a super movie comes out....what was it last time watchmen??...seriously...you nerds have no other fancies or anyother way to fullfil them?
ReplyI love to see this society formed upon the internet attacking the fundamentals that it was built upon. Why betray thy nerds Cracked? Why? If you want to wage war against them I will join your fight. This is insanity, and if anyone wants to reference 300 after this than just look at some of the profiles.
Replyoh come on. you think someone who says "they're only after your salt" isn't a fan?
Why is Simon Pegg blurry in the background!?
ReplyHe is the equivalent of all those other fools molded into one, PLUS JESUS.
It's called "depth of field".
Excellent!
ReplyAnd spot on.
However, let's call a spade a spade: if Star Trek wasn't ridiculous, it would lose half of its awesomeness.
Not true. I would prefer it tweaked to perfection. But the ridiculous stuff is charming.
haha i burst out laughing at the "no beard zone" bit. anybody catch that colbert report segment about that? good stuff
ReplyHi, how are you today? Allow me to invite you to a cougar dating community ____ Cougarster. C om ____ It's where mature women and men who like them can meet.
ReplyThe "Prime Directive" is ridiculous anyway. If you see a cat with a broken leg do you ignore it because it's not "advanced", or because it might "interfere with its development" or whatever?
ReplyBut there's a huge difference between the adaptive collective mind of a civilization and the life cycle of an animal. The cat will not learn to mend its leg but a budding civilization might discover a new method. It increases diversity and expands horizons, benefiting all life in the long run.
also, i rarely meet cats within the bounds of a carefully plotted story that requires certain authorial hand-waving to prevent me from doing whatever the hell i please with my ridiculous future-science.
Win.
ReplyWell, a delightful piece of comedic platinum. Especially the flow chart. Nerd Power!!!
ReplyI'm going to have to agree with everyone who's diggin' on the flowchart.
Reply