6 Ways That Porn Runs The World
This world is rife with moral decay. Doubters need only look to the vacant church pews and surging Cracked readership for confirmation. That, and the fact that the porn industry utterly dominates all others.
Think we're exaggerating? We've got the numbers to back it up. As big as you think porn is, it's bigger, and its influence on modern society is deeper. As Jules Verne once said, "Some day, this whole thing is gonna be titties."
#6.
Porn > Hollywood
The Long, Hard Facts
Hollywood cranks out around 500 movies a year to an international audience of 2.8 billion. Its closest competitor, India's Bollywood, makes about 1,000 movies a year, but 50 percent aren't released and 95 percent of those released are financial flops. This is unfortunate considering every Bollywood clip we've ever seen has been absolutely amazing.
In 2008, The Dark Knight alone grossed $533 million domestically and over $1 billion internationally, certifying it in the top five highest grossing films of all time and a crown jewel in the Hollywood empire. It's just further evidence that the institution of Hollywood cannot possibly be bested in any way, and certainly not by the data in the following paragraph.
The Moneyshot
As early as 2002, about 11,000 adult movies were released per year--more than 20 times the mainstream movie production. Of course, it's not really fair to compare them in that regard since Hollywood has to worry about dialogue, special effects and plot, while porn only requires a handcam, titties, and maybe a pizza delivery guy costume. To meet current demand, a new pornographic video is being created every 39 minutes in the U.S. We don't know if that includes filming Giada De Laurentiis handling zucchini, eggplants or eclairs for various shows, but it damn well should.
I'm not sure that eggplant is clean yet, Giada. Give it another quick rubdown, wouldya?
When it comes to cinematic preferences, people let their money do the talking. Since mainstream theater chains won't show The Crotchmen in wide release, we're forced to use other means of comparison. And every time, porn wins.
For example, in hotel chains that offer in-room X-rated content alongside major Hollywood releases, porn movie rentals represent 55 percent of the overall pay-per-view usage. Porn consistently generates more revenue than the hotels' mini-bars, though that probably wouldn't be the case if the hand-lotion was locked up in there too.
In 2005, there were approximately 425 films released in Hollywood, including a Star Wars prequel and a Harry Potter movie, with domestic grosses of $8.597 billion. That's very impressive. In 2006, the cumulative grosses for porn videos in the U.S., leveraging video sales, rentals, mobile phone content and Internet revenues--came out to....
Are you ready?
About the same, and that's minus the billions Hollywood spends on promotion. Oh, and we're going to take a wild guess and say that the combined budgets of every porno shot that year wouldn't even pay for the CGI in the opening credits of a Harry Potter movie. So, yeah, we're thinking that $8.65 billion is pretty much all profit.
#5.
Porn > Barack Obama
The Long, Hard Facts
In the digital age, there is no better snapshot of the zeitgeist than Web search trends. They allow you to view the ebb and flow of fads and news stories, as well as identify moments of hysteria:
If you examine top search trends in the U.S. over the last year an unsurprising amount of traffic was dedicated to coverage of the presidential election. We could have probably saved the electorate a lot of time by declaring Obama the winner when the search term "McCain" was trailing in popularity behind "American Idol," but apparently the constitution doesn't have those kinds of provisions.
The Moneyshot
Barack Obama was not only the front-runner for much of the presidential race, he garnered some attention as a "celebrity" along the way, particularly among the young people and internet users.
But it wasn't enough to make him number one. Most people just didn't feel they could fully absorb the nuances of presidential politics without rubbing one out first.
To illustrate this, we compared the volume of searches over the last year for "Sex" to those for "Obama" and "Iraq." We also added "Color Me Badd" because we thought it'd make them feel good just to be included, despite effectively serving as a statistical baseline:
Look a the poor red Obama line, looking like the ocean floor under blue sea of sex. It's no surprise, considering that in any given second, approximately 372 Internet users are typing "adult" search terms into search engines. Note the brief spike for Obama at point E up there. That's election day. It took a black man becoming leader of the free world to wrangle the collective consciousness away from sex for roughly 23 minutes.
#4.
Porn > Diamonds
The Long, Hard Facts
To further illustrate how utterly porn dominates the internet, let's give you one more.
Domain names are to Internet commerce what location is to real estate. That's why corporate giants like Toys 'R' Us shelled out $5.1 million for Toys.com. The difference between toys.com and toysrus.com is the difference between a house in Hawaii and a house in Dipshit, Michigan.
We do apologize to the good people of Dipshit.
The Moneyshot
So toys.com, that's got to be the most expensive domain name ever, right?
Not even close. Not even the 1999 sale of business.com at $7.5 million (a record at the time) makes the top. No, topping them all is, you guessed it, Sex.com, at a jaw-dropping $14 million.
Courtesy of sex.com and porn.com, smut sits pretty in the top five most expensive domains, trumping the keyword-monsters diamonds.com and creditcards.com. One could even argue that diamonds.com likewise qualifies as porn, if the sensation of being vigorously boned in the wallet while browsing there counts.
I had no idea we made so much more porn than the rest of the world. Let me be the first to say: USA! USA! USA! USA!
ReplyKeen observation - Bill is goddamn B A K E D... Also note his Mac back there ha!
Replywhat blows my mind is the fact that they make all this money without spending a dime on advertising. can't every other corporation in america take a hint that they are just throwing their money away on advertising, not to mention annoying the hell out of all of us every time we try to watch a video clip anywhere!!!!
Replythey make a fuckload off advertising, porn DOES advertise a shitload, even on completely not porn sites. But we dont usually need porn adverts, we go searching for the porn anyway.
It's a little bit of an exaggeration to say the profits of Exxon Mobil are eclipsed by porn...uh, what about the OIL INDUSTRY vs. the porn industry? If Eccon Mobil alone makes 40% of all porn, than you can bet your ass that oil crushes porn. And retail. But for sure it's a huge industry, no denying that.
ReplyThe thing about porn is, I watch it, we all watch it. But...no one likes to talk about it, unless those Hollywood douche bag frat boy depictions are true. Everyone kinda acts like they don't. I mean, even the mere mention of porn (oh, god especially around women...) is so awkward.
how will Kazakhstan go down like ?
ReplyCracked is usually okay, but this article has opinions that are sick and vile in ways that violate human decency, not to mention any notion of causation and correlation.
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesFrom the comments it is evident that most people have never done the research on *why* actors/workers go into the porn industry. Answer: they don't- most porn workers around the world are forced into it. And most in the US were victims of sexual abuse as children. The notion that the sex trade (which pornography is a part of) is based on free will is equivalent to saying the slavery industry is vital to a nation's economy. Oh, well, slavery happened, so it must have been okay with the slaves, right? After all, slaves would not have become slaves if they didn't want to become slaves.
And the way that some commentors said things along the lines of, "why do women have a problem with pornography, they should take the hint that's what men want."
Well, you could say the same thing about modern-day slavery, which does in fact still exist. "Why can't black people and poor people just take the hint? Slavery is beneficial because it offers a steady income, white people like it, slavery lets people express themselves through selflessness and service to their fellow man."
I'm pretty sure most people take offense at slavery jokes and racist jokes. But think about how often you make jokes about women being nothing more than fuckdolls, and then get back to me about hypocrisy.
I agree that no one should be coerced into something so personal. But your saying that "most porn workers... in the US were victims of sexual abuse as children" is ridiculous. For one thing, if we're looking at female porn actors, approximately 1 in 5 women (not just porn actors, 1 in 5 of ALL women) was abused as a child. I'd like to see some statistics to back up your statement.
For another thing, even if they were abused, does that mean they can't define their own sexuality? Should abused women stay out of intimate relationships too?
Much of the sex trade is based on coercion. You know what would help with that? Legalization and regulation. Sex trafficking is not the same thing as consensual sex work. There are a LOT of sex workers who actually enjoy what they do, and I'm sure they're just thrilled that you're speaking for them.
"The notion that the sex trade (which pornography is a part of)"
not to be an ass but ,source ? meaning that i want to know more like seriously.
You are confusing porn with prostitution and even then you're still wrong. I don't care if you are into porn or not, if you think it's vile don't read the f*****g article or looking at porn damn it
tl;dr - Sounds like a bunch of sociological masturbation I heard during my sophomore year in college.
How is it like slavery? They can leave whenever they want. Also, they're paid. Also, no one collects them to star in videos, they go for it themselves. Yes, it may be poverty (although, I doubt some poor girl thinks of PORN and not just being a hooker, where less people will see her face) and yeah, some have abuse problems, but why does that matter? So they were abused as a child, that means it defines everything they do? So stupid...
I have a lot of friends in the industry and I can 100% guarantee you that they are there on their own will and none of them have been sexually abused. Post statistics and sources or get off your high horse.
"The notion that the sex trade (which pornography is a part of) is based on free will is equivalent to saying the slavery industry is vital to a nation's economy."
Well...no. Saying that sex work should be eliminated because of rape and sex trafficking is like saying servitude should be eliminated because of slavery and human trafficking. No one's saying that forced sex is a good thing, like no one is saying slavery is a good thing. However, you shouldn't just eliminate an industry because it can be abused.
That being said, I don't know what kind of crowd you hang out with that regularly makes "jokes about women being nothing more than fuckdolls", but that may be your problem right there.
I am jacks porn addiction lol
ReplyIf is not for porn... what's the internet for?
ReplyWait! If porn+USA>everything, and porn>everything, than USA=0!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesOh my shit.
You just made math awesome.
HOLY CRAB-PANTS. here, have a soggy biscuit
Nice try but no. Say the USA=50 everything=100 and porn=150
So Porn>everything = 150>100 (true)
Porn+USA>everything = 150+50>100 = 200>100 (true)
Hence the US isn't worthless, despite what the rest of world would like to think.
I guess the trick must be that all that power is in many many different hands. If not, we'd be talking about one or two übertycoons that would use Bill Gates or any oil trading sheikh as a footstool.
ReplyI only looked at the pictures!
ReplyPorn is....good
ReplyI didn't read it all but I plan on reading it later... it is covered with sexual innuendos and phallic symbols. It makes it just so much more hilarious :D
ReplyIs it really fair to compare the porn industry to individual companies? I think if we compared the porn industry's profits to, say, the tissue paper industry's profits, it'd be more fair than /just/ comparing them to Kleenex.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI mean, the Hollywood statistic is no bulls**t, but Hollywood is a lot more limited than porn in terms of distribution, since every form of cinema (except theatrical) is piratable.
But porn? Who's going to pirate something that's already free?
seriously? if all porn is offered for free, rather than pirated, how are they making money off of it?
dick enlargement ads
Hell yeah. I'll be just sitting there, ready to get me some digital love and I see some dude's 11" staring at me... nice. -.-
Porn ain't free, dude. Your clicking links on a tube or gallery site isn't really "labor" or "work" for you, but the traffic is money to the website hosts.
The reasons profits go up during business hours is because their kids are at home alone jacking it all day. Trust me, I've been there.
Replywhat about how porn affects those who...you know...look at it. i'm pretty sure spending hours looking at it does more than waste time. it completely ruins our perception of women, makes them all seem like objects to us. and with more and more exposure to it, younger boys will grow up thinking that all women are like this, just there for us. in reality porn is just our fantasy of what we want women to be, not what they are.
Reply Hide All See All 10 Repliesf**king f*ggot.
You're an idiot.
You guys are real mature... darkred11 makes a very profound point. God knows I was like that at one point, thanks to porn.
On the upside, women everywhere are getting the hint. ;o)
The answer - make more porn for women!
the point is not profound, but just the usually bilge of people who can't handle porn and normal relationships, therefor it must be bad, go cry somewhere else you f*****g p***y
Porn does not make me want to spank my gf and violently penetrate her, I still treat her like a human being..your perception of people's thoughts and actions is cumpletely off
Excuse me? What sort of assumption are you making that porn"Ruins our perception of women" when women are the main consumers of some porn materils?
For example, the gay erotic magazine BLUEBOY found that 63% of it's subscription sales were to women. ( Hence Cindy Lauper's reference to it.)
In fact, as a large number of feminists have pointed out, the mainstream media has a far less flattering depiction of female sexuality than most pornographic material - including the idea that women enjoy sex, which was a taboo subject on American TV until well into the 1980s.
Reminds me of the Donahue show when Phil asked a sex therapist who was winning the audience over why most men's masturbation fanatsies featured decapitating women and violating their corpse. The therapist replied "Mine aren't and neither are any of my patients', Phil . . . What do you think of when you masturbate?"
The really funny thing is I can see that hack Dr. Phil really thinking about that while he jerks it. Sicko.
Then you can say that romance movies ruined women's perceptions of men just the same. Yeah, life would be great it if was like the movies but thankfully, I have more faith in the men that I date that they are able to separate fake from real.
He's comparing ExxonMobile, one individual company, to an entire industry and he thinks that makes his point? Uh, no. It's interesting, and I guess some other industries can't even claim to exceed Exxon's revenues, but the OIL industry kicks the pron industry's a$$, no contest.
ReplyMeh, as a point of comparison for size it works.
Gotta love the articles these people make
Replyive never spent a single penny on porn. how do free porn sites make money?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou ever notice how every single one, unless you have an ad blocker, is plastered in ads? That. Also, paid sites use free sites to showcase small segments of their films.
time is money
advertising dick enlargement pills
BRB...
Reply