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The stuff they say about time travel is right. You go back in time and change one little thing, and suddenly the future is full of Nazis and dinosaurs. If you go back through history, you find that time and time again the huge changes that shape our world today all hinged on some utterly random coincidence. Change it, and the entire course of history changes with it. #6.
The Sandwich that Started a World War
You probably know from history class that World War I started with the assassination of an Austrian Archduke named Franz Ferdinand, kicking off a domino effect of events that left millions dead. You may not know, however, that what knocked over that first domino was a sandwich. There was this guy named Gavrilo Princip. He was a Bosnian student and guerrilla, part of a group called the Black Hand. Sounds like the evil organization of mages that secretly controls the world, right? Unfortunately, it was something a lot less awesome: a Slavic independence group. And for some weird reason, they really hated Franz Ferdinand.
The World-shattering Coincidence Let's make sure to clear this up: Gavrilo Princip very much wanted to assassinate Uncle Franz. It was how it happened that was so fucking random. In mid-1914, Ferdinand, his wife and the obligatory group of less important political figures and other random hangers-on that always accompanies a soon-to-be-assassinated fool, were cruising through the streets of Sarajevo in a (stupidly) open-top car. The Black Hand had crafted an intricate assassination plot, which basically consisted of, "just kill this dumbass somehow." Unfortunately, as is always true with intricate assassination plots, something went wrong.
When Franz's motorcade passed by the assassins, one of the group, a guy named Nedeljko Cabrinovic, lobbed a grenade at the motorcade. The problem was he was using a shitty 1914 grenade, so it took 10 seconds to detonate, and by then Uncle Franz was out of range. The unlucky fools in the car behind them bit it instead, and the assassins dispersed in the chaos. Cabrinovic took a cyanide pill that failed to kill him and jumped into a three foot river to "drown" himself. Franz and his party, it seemed, were safe. But Franz was not yet done putting his life in insane danger. Against the advice of pretty much everyone, he insisted on going to the hospital to visit the people who were injured by the grenade. The driver, unfortunately, had no idea where the fuck he was going. They ended up crisscrossing hilariously through the streets of Sarajevo, until they just randomly happened to pass a cafe where, you guessed it, Gavrilo Princip was enjoying a post-failed-assassination sandwich. After the obligatory pause of dumbfounded luck, Princip grabbed his pistol and turned the tide of history. And How Did it Change The World? First, WWI broke out ...
... Then there was the post-war economic failure...
That's right. Most of the horror and death of the 20th Century may not have happened had Gavrilo Princip not gotten the munchies for a sandwich. #5.
The Rejected Art School Application that Killed 35 Million People
OK, maybe we're being too hard on Princip. After all, we might not have had World War II if a particular art school had relaxed their admissions standards a little. For instance, what do you think of this painting?
Sort of OK, right? You probably wouldn't hang it on your wall, but at least it does look professional. Would you accept the painter to your art academy? If you said no, then you're just like the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna, who rejected a little someone named Adolf Hitler.
The Ridiculous Coincidence In 1905, a young Adolf left his tiny Austrian hometown and moved to Vienna, all starry-eyed and with dreams of becoming a great artist. Unfortunately for the world, the academy rejected him. Twice.
A few months after his second rejection, his mother died, cutting off his financial support. With no direction and no career to pursue, young Adolf was forced to move to the crappy Vienna slums, which were full of all sorts of filthy minorities, including Czechs, Croatians, Italians and, worst of all, Jews. Hitler claimed that it was in Vienna when he became an anti-Semite. Specifically, it was one Orthodox Jew that he saw one day and simply couldn't shake from his mind. If only he had been somewhere else during these years, like, say, among a bunch of liberal artist types at the dormitory of the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna. After spending several years in Vienna among all the disgusting non-Germans, Hitler decided to move to Munich. A year later, someone decided to go for a sandwich and WWI broke out. Without anything better to do, he joined the army, quickly rising through the ranks until he ended up a member of the German military police, tasked with infiltrating a little group known as the National Socialist German Workers Party. If only there had been something else occupying his time, like painting naked chicks at the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna. And totally not thinking about how much he hated Jews. And How Did it Change The World?
It was a little more than a decade after he joined the Nazi party that he got elected Chancellor and became the modern face of evil. We'll never know what would have happened had he gone to art school. Hell, maybe if he stayed in Austria, he would have gotten drafted into the Austrian army instead of the German one. There, some random Russian could have killed him in one of Austria-Hungary's many, many defeats during WWI. #4.
The Cigar Box that Won the Civil War
What would you do if you found a cardboard box lying around in the middle of the countryside, like, say, an old cigarette carton or something? Would you ignore it? Kick it at a nearby squirrel for the hell of it? Assume that it contains something horrifying, like a human pancreas stolen by the Organ Mafia, and leave it alone? During the Civil War the Union Corporal Barton W. Mitchell found just such a worthless-looking box, but did none of those things. He opened it instead, and that may be the reason that today the USA is one country instead of two. The Ridiculous Coincidence Late in 1862, the Confederate army was well into its invasion of Maryland. Confederate Supreme Commander Robert E. Lee drafted a document called Special Order 191, which described in extreme detail every movement of every brigade of his army for the next several months. He gave copies of the order only to his most trusted generals, including Stonewall Jackson.
Jackson, however, was way too lazy to write up individual orders to each of his commanders, so he gave them all copies of 191. One of those commanders was Daniel Harvey Hill, who did what we always do with our tax forms and jury duty papers: he left them on the ground, in a box, wrapped around three cigars. He then forgot about them.
Several days later, the aforementioned Union scout, Barton W. Mitchell, found the papers at the campsite, probably thinking, "Holy shit! Free cigars!" He recognized the cigar wrappings as looking important and sent them off to his commander. That guy, in turn, sent them to his commander. Through who knows how many chances for the scrap of paper to get lost, bled on, eaten by a horse or for the guy holding them to get blown up by a cannon ball, they survived until some aide somehow recognized it as Robert E. Lee's handwriting. He gave it to Union General George McClellan. And How Did it Change The World? Ever heard of the Battle of Antietam? The bloodiest day in American history? The North won, and from that point on the South didn't really have a chance. Well, the Union won because it basically had the equivalent to Prima's Official Strategy Guide on Robert E. Lee's Invasion of Maryland.
From then on, a Union victory was pretty much guaranteed. Lincoln felt secure enough to give the Gettysburg Address, slavery officially ended, the South was reunited with the rest of America and talk of seceding from the union was gone forever. Well, until we elected a black president, anyway. |
7 Books We Lost to History That Would Have Changed the World
6 Assassination Attempts that Almost F#@ked the World
6 Insane Coincidences You Won't Believe Actually Happened
6 Insanely Awesome Things The 1900s Thought We'd Have by Now
The Top 5 Everything of the Decade (For Better and Worse)
7 Real World Heists That Put 'Ocean's 11' to Shame
7 Mind-Blowing Easter Eggs Hidden in Famous Works of Art
The 5 Most Widely Believed WWII Facts (That Are Bullshit)
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Apologies for the length of the post below. I only meant it to be a couple of lines, but it kinda got away from me...
The TRUE* Origins of the Cold War
Ok, my uncle, right, his name was The Immortal Pharaoh Ramases II... Well, HE actually started the cold war. See, he was old mates with Eisenhower, and during this brainstorming session in '44 when Stalin, Winston Booze-hill, and ole' Eisy were trying to decide what to do about Hitler (hitler, who went from class-clown in 1924 to class-stinky-kid in '34 and then to class-kid-in-piss-soaked-rags-who-collects-string- and-screams-at-c**kroaches by 1944...)
So anyway, this meeting was pretty formal, everyone was posturing for prominence and such, and things were 'pretty darn tense' in his words. So, in an ill-advised attempt to lighten the mood, Uncle Immortal Pharaoh Ramases the 2nd decided to do a bit 'o practical joke playin'.
So, he says to Eisenhower "Can you put your right arm in the air?" and as soon as he sees Eisy's hand go up, he let's loose this unholy fart that shook the brimstone right off the monkey bowels of Hell themselves. Naturally, every face in the room turned to Eisenhower, as he's the one with his arm in the air -as though confessing ownership of a fart Zeus would be proud of-. Every face except for Churchill, that is, as he was so blotto by now, he thought he might have done it -and shat himself too- so he just sat quietly trying to avoid everyone's gaze, whilst intimately studying the minutea of his wristwatch, which he was now far too gonzo'd to read, and which seemed to have sprung several extra arms.
So everyone figures it must have been Eisenhower. Stalin took offense at the expulsion, and looked to Churchill for confirmation of his attitude, but when he registered the look on Churchills' face (which was apparently the same look one might reasonably expect to see on the face of a donkey farmer who has been caught by the villagers during a compromising moment with several hyraulic 'thrusting machines' two homely donkeys, and several garments which can only be assumed pass for lingerie in the donkey world...) So, Stalin see's this look on Churchill's face and assumes that Churchill and Eisenhower are being disrespectful towards him (with the butt-nugget-curdling-fart) and then to add insult to injury, that they were also making fun of him. So he stormed out of the building, evidently deciding that the quicker he took care of hitler, the quicker he could "larn ole' Eisy and Church-booze a lesson 'bout manners, an' larn em gooood!!"
Now Eisenhower knows that Stalin is none too pleased, but he couldn't be arsed chasing him, as he has some fairly choice words he wants to throw at my uncle instead, and Churchill is singing German lullaby's into his service revolver which he's now dressed up to make it look like an alien baby in the terminal stages of polio. The end result was that no one went out to pologise to Stalin. My uncle and Eisenhower both ended up getting s**t-faced on Churchill's spare booze and tried instead to forget the incident, but they drank too much, and forgot to apologise to Stalin.
So tensions between the Eastern Block and the Western Block kept on escalating into the clusterf**k called the cold war.
Maybe not the most funny story, but TRUE*!!!!
* = By "True", I mean "false". But it's an entertaining falsehood, and isn't THAT the real truth? The answer, sadly, is "No!".+
+ = The above line is an homage to a Simpsons episode (The Monorail one with Leonard Nimoy).
The Chevy Corsica is the most awesome vehicle to ever exist.
Princip wasn't actually getting a sandwich, he was going for a drink at a bar. He was drinking his sorrows of failing away. But I guess a sandwich makes it sound funnier.
Princip wasn't actually getting a sandwich, he was going for a drink at a bar. He was drinking his sorrows of failing away. But I guess a sandwich makes it sound funnier.
I like Hitlers painting.
What baffles me is the amount of people who try to spout their beliefs or lack of about religion when not a one will waiver from what they have been told time and time again. and @Angrysailor, I think it's just as likely that all religions are just that similar that it may seem like rip-offs but major worldwide catastrophes tend to make resurgence in various cultures. also your fact that waiting for water to ice over would indicate that you believe the ancients to be morons, which I can't condone; because we have those same idiots to thank for most of the scientific, mathematical, and mechanical innovations. So next time you want to rant about Christianity, Don't because the only people who gives half a s**t are those that already think religion is retarded.
Is it wrong that I think Hitler was cute as a baby?
Well, fuuuuuck you, Nazi !!!!
Many things could have happened, but basically, even if Franz Ferdinand weren't assassinated, everyone would have still gone to war because of the mounting tensions and the arms race all around Europe at that time, and if Hitler wasn't appointed, the only thing that remained as a threat of the 1900 was the USSR, the secrets of the A-Bomb would not have been given to the US, Russia would have taken all of eastern Europe, along with Germany if it suddenly took a pacifist look as it stands, Nazi Germany created more military innovations, and you'd all be looking at the People's Republic of America right now, we'd be seeing Stalin's face all around the world.
hahah upon second reading, it actually says people in favor of a people's democracy and against a new war (i.e. with us, the americans). so, not exaclty fitting
there's only one problem with this article. the poster you guys used to display the cold war is actually a poster promoting russians for democracy. lol but u guys don't read russian so i don't blame ya
Or how about the Chinese could have f**king ruled the world with the largest wooden navy in history, but the Hongxi Emperor (ironically meaning vastly bright) felt that their expeditions around the world were a waste of time and money. If he hadn't destroyed the whole fleet like an asshat we may all be speaking Chinese.
Actually, the only "European" in #2 was the schoolgirl in the middle (a genderbent King Arthur, serious)
The rest are Japanese
whoa,angrysailor302,someone really gets angry with the Christians...and WW2 had so many factors that led to the battles and victories for each side that its hard to speculate what would've happened without Hitler or if Russia agreed to give half his wheat to Hitler(something Stalin considered until he figured that Hitler was kinda a shady dealer,with the whole Poland thing)or if the hundreds of assassination plots(on both Allies and Axis sides) worked. The article just looks at a solution that seems the most correct to the author
@ helichrome
Triple ALLIANCE (Germany, Italy, and Austria-hungary)
Triple ENTENTE (Brittan, RUSSIA, and FRANCE)
America joined the war SEVERAL YEARS LATER.
The assassination of Franz Ferdinand was a minor event that triggered the war. The Triple entente (Germany, Italy, and Austria-hungary) were already in an arms race with the triple alliance (Britian, the British colonies, and America). Tensions got up to the point where anything could have started the war. So the war would've probably started either way.
Yeah, I think you've diced up American history on this one, at least Civil War history. As noted, this wasn't after Gettysburg. The cigars and Special Order 191 were all an issue of the Maryland campaign. However, the Maryland Campaign was not the one which resulted in the Battle of Gettysburg. It is the campaign that resulted in Antietam/Sharpsburg. This was 1862 and after Union victory the Army of Northern Virginia withdrew back into the CSA, and Lincoln a few months later issued the Emancipation Proclamation. However, the Union would stumble into a few more major defeats for the next year including the epic tragedy of Fredricksburg and the shocking defeat at Chancellorsville before they would find their much needed victory in Robert E. Lee's second campaign into the north, in which the culminating battle was in Gettysburg, PA on July 1st, 2nd, and 3rd of 1863. I hate to be "that guy," but I do respect the typically spot on job that is done by Cracked and was a bit sadden
christianity is nothing more than a copy-cat ripoff religion, and that is all that is to it.
Name me one "person", holiday, or event that does not rip-off another religion.
Xian leaders took notes from everyone else, got drunk, and then wrote the bible (pronounced buy-bull, which is what one must do to think that flaming shrubs can make law)
Everyone can walk on water, it is no trick: just wait until the water ices over enough to walk on, and hallelujah, you too can walk on water.
Some people really need to grow up.....
No, no, no, no, NO. Man, it's just impossible to kill this particular canard. For the eight millionth time, Hitler was NOT elected. He was appointed by that doddering old fool Von Hindenburg, who later went on to kill several people in Lindenhurst, NJ with a gag exploding zeppelin.
Actually, hitler was elected vice chancellor by the german people. Von hindenburg was pressured to resign and hitler became the chancellor. Haha I love history.