#5. Bakr and Sanaa Melhem Find Each Other... Again
The Internet is a wonderful place. It has porn, places to talk about porn or Web sites which allow you to meet new and exciting people... with whom you can make new and exciting porn. Enter Adnan and Jamilia, two lovelorn Jordanians who met online, possibly in a porn-related chatroom.
Both in unsatisfying marriages; both looking for someone new to bring the spark back to their lives; both actually already married to each other. In a plot turn even the writers of a Matthew McConaughey romantic comedy would reject as ludicrous, it turned out that "Adnan" and "Jamilia" were the net handles of Bakr and Sanaa Melhem, a married couple who were going through a seven-month trial separation.
So all this time they were exchanging dreams and making wedding plans, he was the often mentioned "Micro-dicked loser" and she was the "Cold emotionless bitch." In the end, this McConaughey-like series of comedic mistakes came to a pretty anticlimatic conclusion (a divorce) when the cybering couple finally met in real life. Lucky for Bakr, this time it wasn't his mom.
#4. Sleep Divorcing
We all have done stuff in our sleep which we aren't proud off. Some of you might have mumbled the name of an old flame once or twice, while others might have vigorously humped the pillow yelling out a bunch of both male and female names, including the entire cast of Scrubs. But we think it's a safe bet none of you actually divorced anyone in your sleep. Some of you might have been divorced over the whole pillow thing, but that's beside the point.
"Honey. Hey, Honey, wake up. I no longer find you attractive."
Back in 2006, Akhtar, a Muslim gentleman from West Bengal uttered the word "talaq" three times in his sleep, which according to Islamic law, made him divorce his wife Sobena, who was sleeping right next to him. The couple wanted to just let the whole thing slide despite the sleep talking, but such insanity would not be allowed in West Bengal. Akhtar consulted the local clerics and was told that he and Sobena were in fact now single and would remain so until they remarried.
It says something about their culture that the couple didn't consider, you know, just not mentioning the incident to anyone and going on with their lives. We're not sure what it says, but it says something.
#3. Neil Brady Has Divorced You
Have you ever gotten blindsided by a friend's blog? You know, you think everything is going fine based on your face to face interaction, then find them in their Facebook/Twitter/LiveJournal openly longing for your violent death?
That's a strange side effect of sites like Facebook, where people reveal to an ocean of strangers what they apparently can't say when sitting on the sofa with you. Just ask the woman who found out her husband was divorcing her via his Facebook update.
When now-defacto-ex Mrs. Emma Brady was checking her husband's Facebook status in February 2009, among all the updates concerning the changing hotness of his coffee through time--as of 3PM, it officially became "luke warm"--she noticed it read "Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady."
Strangely, the marriage continued for some time after this, as when he came home, she asked if anything was wrong and he said no. So she apparently dismissed the whole "ended his marriage to Emma Brady" thing as some kind of new 4chan meme.
While asked for comment later, Neil said he couldn't understand how his posting came as a surprise to his wife. Come on, he deleted her from his Friends list and has not poked her in like a month... the signs were there Emma, and you look ridiculous now for not noticing them.
#2. "Polly Wanna Swear to Tell the Whole Truth?"
Man, where would NEWS of the WEIRD columns be without talking birds? There's always some story of a guy getting caught in a lie or a suspect getting nailed because the bird repeated some incriminating words. Seriously, don't people who own these birds ever learn to take their incriminating conversations to another room? It's like having a living tape recorder running 24 hours a day. These people have basically bugged their own homes.
That brings us to this unnamed Chinese woman from Chongqing. After returning home from a month-long trip to her parents, she became suspicious over the new vocabulary the family mynah bird has picked up; such as "divorce" and "be patient" and presumably: "You have great tits, I want to shove my face in and motorboat them while my wife is away, and I don't mind shouting that fact because there is no one here to hear me other than my stupid parrot who repeats everything I say."
Who gave it a camera?
The wife has filed for divorce but, for some bizarre reason, evidence from a bird is apparently not admissible in Chinese courts. We don't see why though, seeing as the exact same case has appeared numerous times in courts around the world. In 2006, Rosella DeGambos, an Argetinian woman, actually won a case thanks to her bird's testimony.
#1. Richard Batista Gave Dawnell His Heart, or a Nearby Organ Anyway
Eight years ago, the wife of Dr. Richard Batista was slowly dying due to failing kidneys. The Batistas's marriage was already on shaky ground due to Dawnell's deteriorating health but just then, Richard decided to take a more active part in his wife's recovery and gave her his own kidney.
It was magical; after Dawnell's body rejected the transplants from her dad and brother, it turned out she and Dick were a perfect 1-in-700,000 match. Surely it was destiny, and it could have gone down as one of the most romantic presents ever (he gave her part of himself).
It could have, if the recovered Mrs. Batista did not then allegedly jump some other guy's boner. The husband, enraged over the lack of gratitude, demanded his kidney back.
Someone presumably explained that the courts likely would not reward him the right to go to work on his wife with a butcher knife, so he is asking for $1.5 million instead, which is presumably what it costs to get a good replacement kidney off the black market.
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For more hilarity found during inappropriate times, check out 13 Last Requests That Prove It's OK to Laugh at Dead People. Or find out about some action stars whose careers had a less than happy ending in 6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Retarded) Point.
And check out Cracked.com's Top Picks to see how we divorced the World Wide Web and started our own.