As anyone who has inadvertently done it before knows, a funny thing happens if you call 911 and just hang up. At the very least, they'll call you back in an effort to find out what the fuck you're up to. If you don't answer that call back, there is an excellent chance you'll have police at your door in a matter of moments. Then, one thing leads to another, and all of the sudden you're spending four hours answering questions about the stable of farm animals and midgets you keep behind your office.
But enough about that until our lawyers are present, we're here to talk about 911 calls, and as shitty emergency response service goes, this call is pretty fucking awful. A Milwaukee woman called 911 to report that her boyfriend was beating her in front of her children. Unfortunately, the deed was going down in real time, leaving the woman a bit preoccupied.
As you can see in the video, upon hearing a frantic, screaming woman on the other end of the phone, the 911 operator attempted to get the woman to speak to him... by threatening to hang up if she didn't stop being beaten and attend to the matter at hand.
We guess we could live with that if the chicanery ended there. But it gets much worse. Remember when we mentioned hanging up on 911 and ending up with police at your door? That may not happen every time, but call 911 with full-fledged spousal abuse going on in the background and 99 times out of 100, someone is coming to find you. It takes some seriously shitty luck (or excellent luck if you're the person handing out the beating) to have your call answered by that one out of 100 911 operator who sees no cause for alarm upon hearing a woman screaming amongst a room full of children.
Pictured: no reason to notify police.
But that's exactly what happened. Rather than just accepting blood curdling screams as an acceptable alternative to a detailed description of the horrors that are afoot, the operator pulled one of the biggest dick moves in the history of dick moves, and told the woman to call back when she was ready to talk.
So, What Happened?
Well, like the picture above shows, the dude just hung up. The story we linked to doesn't give any specifics on what happened to the woman, but we take heart in knowing that, if she lived to complain about it, she at least wasn't killed. No thanks to the 911 operator, of course. As for him, the county sheriff recommended that the operator be fired. And by "fired" hopefully they meant "beaten while the police ignore his cries."
OK, we'll go ahead and say it: When a Texas woman called 911 to report that her 12-year-old daughter was out of control, it may not have been the greatest use of an emergency line. You have to admit though, it is kind of a gray area. What kind of kid are we talking about? In this case, the woman states the kid is the same size as she is. What if the woman calling looks like this?
Nice tits lady!
That makes for one big kid and, at the very least, an incredibly fair fight. When you factor in that the woman was fresh off a long day at work and has probably slowed with age, we may even put our money on the grotesquely oversized tween. Whatever the case may be, the woman clearly felt like she needed some help, so she called for that very thing, help.
What she did not call for was comedy, but that's exactly what she got. After explaining that her 12-year-old was out of control, the 911 operator fired back with, quite possibly, the most ill-advised joke this side of Don Imus.
Yeah, you read the above image correctly. The 911 operator asked if he should send someone over to shoot the kid. If you find that funny, that's because it totally is, provided you aren't the person calling for help. Naturally, the woman didn't board the laugh train with the rest of us.
So, What Happened?
What happened? A lot less than you would expect. The woman filed a complaint, which didn't amount to anything more than the operator receiving two letters of reprimand. We have no info on whether she ever subdued her musclebound tween, unfortunately.
When he's not busy here, Adam fields calls for help at ScenicAnemia.com.
To see why else there's no hope for humanity, check out 7 People Who Never Gave Up (But Absolutely Should Have). Or find out what some of these operators apologies may have sounded like, in The 6 Most Insincere Apologies of All-Time.
And check out Cracked.com's Top Picks because it's the least you can do for a company that will save you whenever you call on us. Also, our number is unlisted.