For most of us, an apology actually means something. If you hurt somebody's feelings, laugh/throw things at a kid in a wheelchair or repeatedly violate a restraining order of a certain SOMEONE, you offer a heartfelt apology and move on with your life.
But for famous types who have lawyers and publicists, the public apology becomes an important business strategy, with all sincerity stripped away. We're talking about apologies like...
6Jason Giambi on the Subject of Steroids
Jason Giambi became one of the top hitters in Major League Baseball thanks to hard work, a little bit of luck and illegal steroids. In 2003, Giambi was named in the BALCO scandal, which accused him of receiving HGH, anabolic steroids and god knows what else from trainer Greg Anderson over the course of three years.
After details of this scandal were leaked to the public, Giambi had no choice but to address the media. While the baseball steroid scandal has been a long parade of carefully scripted attempts to deny culpability, Giambi's attempt at making amends set the bullshit stained high watermark. Forgoing an apology, Giambi dumped a large bag of horse manure on the notepads of USA Today writers. "I was wrong for doing that stuff," Giambi said. "What we should have done a long time ago was stand up -- players, ownership, everybody -- and said, 'We made a mistake."
"Steroids? However could we have known?!"
What Makes Him an Insincere Sack of Lies:
That mushy, sketchy wording of the apology was no accident; Giambi knew exactly what he was doing. In his contract, it stated that the New York Yankees didn't have to pay him another dime of his approximately $790 billion dollar contract if he admitted to illegal off the field activity. So instead he apologized for doing, "that stuff."
This raised a number of important questions: What stuff? And what mistake? But it turned out the real question was: Who gives a shit? Giambi got his money, and now children know that when they beat up a kid at school, they can pretend to take responsibility for their actions by apologizing for "doing those things."
"And I apologize for signing that awesome round thing."
Is this article stating that Jason Giambi is responsible for the well-being of children in America? No, of course not. But only because nobody gives a shit about baseball anymore.