Sometimes it's because TV ads try a little too hard to be "edgy." Sometimes it's because ad executives are fucking insane. Regardless of the reason, since the television was invented, it has brought us ads so unintentionally terrifying that they'll haunt you forever.
So hold on to your butts, because we've gone out and found 10 ads that are sure to leave a lasting impression . . . in your nightmares.
The Marketing Meeting:
Ferrero President: We need a hook for our horrible chocolate eggs filled with two cents worth of plastic. For some bizarre reason kids are not all over them.
Marketing guy: I propose a commercial with a Humpty Dumpty rip off. A beloved icon shaped as an egg.
Ferrero President: Wonderful. But what if we give him a nightmarish face and gently imply he is mentally retarded?
Marketing guy: And then when the children start weeping, their parents will comfort them with our chocolate! That is why you are president, sir.
What the Fuck?
If insanity were a living creature, chances are this is what its nightmares would look like:
So this creature appears, and he's the love child of Humpty Dumpty and all of our darkest fears. He addresses the viewers who are now sitting in a puddle of their own piss, with an important announcement on the versatility and intrinsic details of the Ferrero Kinder Surprise: "Kinder, yebbol shakey." Well, thank you Humpty, that certainly needed to be said. "Me unscrabbly," continues the giant egg wrapped in human skin.
After that, the whole thing spirals into some sort of gibberish, which we are forced to assume are spells from the Necronomicon.
The monstrosity strategically forgets to tell you anything about the chocolate which holds the "awesome" prize, proving to us that even Ferrero knows they are behind a barrel of surplus WWII diarrhea in the taste department. But that's okay, because the lousy chocolate holds an even lousier plastic toy inside.A toy which, by the way, was apparently meant to be a chef in a red suit, but in this commercial, looks very much like a skinned torture victim:
9Tarako Pasta Sauce
The Marketing Meeting:
"I don't know man, cod roe pasta sauce? How will we make kids want to eat it?"
"Come on, all we need is a cute mascot. Like a toddler in a red blanket."
"Well... that sounds OK, I guess."
"And then we'll have thousands of them emerging from a spaceship, marching in formation in a terrifying mass with the obvious goal of enslaving humanity."
"Nothing... let's go film this thing."
What the Fuck?
In what brings to mind a rendition of Village of the Damned... in Space, the invading identical army of blanket wrapped toddlers descends upon Earth from a turd-shaped spacecraft, all singing in perfect unison the immensely creepy chant of "Tarako."
Now, children are hideous monsters as it is, but when you have an apparently limbless army of them, advancing in a Roman Triangle Formation with their doll faced frozen expressions, chanting a tune which can only be described as a war song, then you are not that far away from your brain sending an evacuation order straight to your bowels.
But believe it or not, this is not even the fucked up part. No. What really drives us insane from horror and bewilderment is when the obviously tripping albino Japanese boy-girl stares emotionlessly at the hive consciousness legion of alien babies...
...after which the commercial cuts straight to the kid enjoying a plate of spaghetti. Why is that terrifying you ask? Here is what cod roe looks like, compared with an image from the commercial for your convenience:
That's right. The commercial implies that the kid ate the invading alien horde by turning them into pasta sauce. So, suddenly, what was probably devised as a cutesy commercial for a food product becomes a dramatic tale of a young albino on acid saving Earth by eating alien babies in the shape of human toddlers. We'll give you one guess as to which country this came from.