7 Species That Get High More Than We Do

#3. Bees! Drunken Bees! Shit!

Drug of Choice:

Satan's Bathwater (alcohol).

As it turns out, the bee, nature's communist labor drone, is also another one of nature's alcoholics. Since they have a similar nervous system to humans, scientists love to provide captive colonies with alcohol to test the effects of intoxication. What? You have trouble finding human volunteers for that?

Scientists have noted that drunk bees are less likely to fly, less likely to engage in social behavior and prone to random fits of violence. Some bees get so blitzed that they lose the ability to do anything but lay on their back and kick their fuzzy legs feebly in the air.

The saddest thing you'll see all day.

How Common Is It?

Bees seem drawn to fermented substances for their intoxicating properties, but strict social pressure keeps most of them from descending into alcoholism. To keep production up, queen bees station bouncers outside the hive with strict orders to keep the drunks out.

But while prohibition is popular in the bee world, compassion and rehabilitation are not. Chronic alcoholics indulge their vice at the cost of their own legs. Warning: This video is kind of terrifying.

We bet THAT drone will think again the next time he decides to get buzzed. GET IT?!

#2. Jaguars and Their Hallucinogenic Version of Catnip

Drug of Choice:

Banisteriopsis caapi, a root found in the jungles of South America.

Yes, like their catnip-loving little cousins, Jaguars love to get high. Their choice in intoxicants, however, is considerably more badass. Wild cats looking for a high will seek out the roots of the caapi plant and gnaw on them until they start to hallucinate. It looks even cuter than it sounds.

Caapi root contains a variety of powerful MAOIs (chemicals like you find in antidepressants), which heightens the animal's senses as well as causing them to trip balls.

In fact, some scientists believe that humans learned how to use the root by observing the jaguars getting high off of it. We wonder what that conversation must have gone like.

Tribesman 1: "Hey, that big toothy monster sure seems to like that weird looking plant."

Tribesman 2: "Oh, man, he is fucked up."

Tribesman 3: "Man, if that 250-pound animal gets that trashed on the stuff... "

Tribesman 1: "Let's go!"

How Common Is It?

Very. The plant heightens their senses so they may sense the benefit. Or maybe the just like to get high as a kite. Either way, there are plenty of jaguar junkies slinking around the rainforest.

#1. Capuchin Monkeys and . . . Hallucinogenic Millipedes?

Drug of Choice:

Yes, hallucinogenic millipedes.

Hey man, want a hit off this?

Yes, both capuchin monkeys in South America and lemurs in Madagascar have learned how to get high off of passing insects. Apparently, several species of millipedes squirt out a poisonous compound when agitated. By covering themselves with the poison, lemurs and monkeys are able to ward off parasitic insects and get a delightful narcotic buzz.

Unfortunately, millipede venom is also filled with cyanide, which is deadly to pretty much everything. Of course the risk of agonizing death has never stopped anyone from getting high, so the capuchins (one of mankind's closest relatives) gather in huge groups and swap hits of 'pede. It's like a frat party, but with slightly more flinging of feces.

How Common Is It?

All the capuchins do it. Well, all the cool ones, anyway.

You can find more from Robert at thedeadbeat.org.

For some good old fashioned human drug use, check out The 5 Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High. Or find out about the goldmine that geeks have been sitting on for years, in 5 Real Ways to Get High Straight Out of Science Fiction.

And try some Top Picks, because they will, like, totally fuck you up, bro.

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