A Zombie Round-Up

A couple weeks ago, we mentioned the Cracked Topic Pages and, because we like them so much, we're going to spend the next few round-ups singling out some of our favorites. This week, as you probably guessed, we love zombies. Put together by Cracked regulars Ninja and Scrovak, the Zombie page features more information about zombies than you can conceivably handle, as well as a video of a zombie fighting a shark. (Does wikipedia have that? We think not.) Also, there's a picture of a mostly naked zombie chick eating somebody's arm, and we're profoundly disturbed by how erotic we find the whole, blood-covered scene.

Check out more Topic Pages or create your own by signing up in the forums.


This week in blogging, Gladstone briefly returns to join Swaim and DOB as they ruin the inauguration. Once they're done ruining things, Swaim gives tips on how to fix American Idol, and DOB gives tips on how to hack the Oscars. Finally, Brockway gives tips on how not to write a Cracked article.

FILTHY GYPSIES!
8 Racist Words You Use Every Day
For the purposes of this article, we assume you find reason to say the word "hooligan" every day.


Notable Comment: Moditters says "I'm not expecting great scholarship or anything from a Cracked article, but less completely-making-this-up bullshit would be nice. Picnic, from French Pique-nique (pick a trifle). Grow a thick skin and stop trying to feel guilty for being white.?" You sure showed us. Boy, do we have egg on our faces! If only we'd included something in the article about how the "picnic is racist" claim is strictly an untrue myth. Oh...Oh hold on, we did? Is it hidden somewhere? No? It's right at the end of the article, you say? Weird. Guess Moditters is just some kind of asshole. Huh. Does anyone read these articles? (Answer in next article.)



THIS IS SPARTA!
The 5 Most Terrifying Civilizations in the History of the World
Boy, 300 references sure don't get old, are we right? That's a timeless allusion, right there. Hoo, boy.


Notable Comment:Someone in the comments interpreted this article as rightwing, prolife propaganda. So there's that answer.



CRAZY PICTURES!
16 More Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
Faaaaakkkeeeee.


Notable Comment:superawesome pretty much sums it up: "holy penis, what an article."



CRAZY PLUNGERS!
The 11 Most Retarded Fictional Weapons
"What's more dangerous than an arrow?"
"Gosh, lots of things. For one-"
"An arrow with a boxing glove on it."
"What? No, that's retarded, that's actually less dangerous than-"
"Boxing Gloooooovvvveeee!"


Notable Comment: Boy, you nerds sure hate it when we make fun of your shitty gunswords. If our articles bother you so much, why not attack us with your powerful and effective gunswords? Oh, right. They're not real and you should feel bad about yourself.



MYSTERY!
The 5 Worst Sources of Advice on Television
We can't wait until the crossover episode where Mystery teaches people how to date a house.


Notable Comment: Zooeykarma says " Wow. Mystery is a f*****g idiot. Trust me guys, you're not going to get laid doing that." Holy Shit, a girl is reading Cracked??? Get your frilly scarves and fuzzy hats, boys, this is it!





NET_WORK!
Why You Never Bring a Friend on a First Date
Featuring iJustine!


YOU YOU YOU!
Things You Never Noticed in Famous Pictures
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Everyday Objects as Designed by MC Escher.


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

1.22.09:

Seconds before he was about to molest a child, Robert saw the sign, cursed to himself, and moved on
by bcanders

Editor's pick:

But everywhere else it's fine.
by benjieclipse

1.21.09:

Adam threw the extra hand back up at God.
"I already have two!!" he screamed!
"Give me a dick and a woman!!!"

by Leaf

Editor's pick:

Hand Grenade?
by jspot2k

1.20.09:

Not the most politically correct way for a chauffeur to meet his client at the airport in Midland, Texas.
by DrTom

Editor's pick:

Bush has heard a lot of insults during his two terms, but "LD's #1 Rorist" was perhaps the lowest blow.
by tallestmunchkin

1.19.09:

If this is how Presidential races were held we would have had a black president 200 years ago.
by PenisVagina

Editor's pick:

Dude.....When you said that you had tickets to see 'The Dead Presidents', I just naturally thought.......
by mabogo

1.18.09:

WHAT IS THAT IN THE SKY OVER THERE!!
by Xcaliba1452

Editor's pick:

This crab has an awful case of 'peoples'
by EvilJerry

1.17.09:

Stupid Iraqis.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS

by Sev Squad

Editor's pick:

It does that to attract female arches.
by splainintodo

1.16.09:

"Dig up Heath Ledger... there's going to be a sequel."
by Ish

Editor's pick:

You don't normally see LEFT-handed shovels hooked up to Fender Amps anymore.
by DrTom

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