#2. Roman Emperor Nero Ceasar
Sure, damn near every U.S. President for the past couple of decades has had their name thrown into the Antichrist hat, but through the ages, no name comes up more than former (obviously) Roman emperor Nero Ceasar.
And he's certainly got a decent amount of atrocities under his ancient belt to make him seem like the kind of dude that might sign on to come back someday and end the world. That he once tried to kill his mother by sending her off on a defective ship he built shows a dedication to excessively elaborate plans for destruction. His appointment to the status of emperor at an age (16) when most dudes are still pining for that first hand job and peppering every other sentence with the word "fail" shows he's a real go-getter. Nobody has ever accused the Antichrist of being lazy.
What His Accusers Have To Say
One of the biggest signs that point to Nero being the Antichrist is the number 666. According to people capable of pulling off numberless Hebrew translation magic of this sort, 666 is code for the name Nero Ceasar. The earliest text to point to Nero as the Antichrist is Ascension of Isaiah, which includes the tasty line "lawless king, the slayer of his mother,...will come and there will come with him all the powers of this world, and they will hearken unto him in all that he desires."
Even though the boat thing didn't work out, he did eventually slay moms. And he was unusually harsh towards Christians, like any Antichrist worth his hellfire would be. Maybe there is something to this?
Name translates to 666
Slayed his mom
Mean to Christians
People liked him, a lot
No kick ass bar codes on follower's hands
Never claimed to be God
Didn't make anyone worship Satan
Appears to just be a stone head on a stick in most pictures, not much potential for future destruction
Good luck bringing about Armageddon without a nose, dipshit.
Preterists, the people who tend to believe Nero was the Antichrist, also believe everything in the Bible is history. So, the tribulation, the coming of the Antichrist, everything, has already happened. What the fuck? If the world already ended, what's all this we're doing now? The post-game show?
#1. Barack Obama
Throughout the most recent presidential campaign, claims of Barack Obama being the Antichrist were so rampant that at one point Snopes.com even felt compelled to step in. But damn, he wasn't even in office yet. What could people possibly be basing a claim like that on?
We're not completely sure and we're not going to make any outrageous claims about the "Obama is evil" crowd. Oh, before we forget to ask, have you ever seen one of those movies where people are in court and someone yells out something like "you're a bunch of racist fucksticks!" and someone objects and the judge advises the jury to ignore that outburst even though he knows they can't because it's already been said and the jury clearly heard it? Just asking.
"Okay, everyone pretend you didn't just hear the phrase 'racist fucksticks.'"
What His Accusers Have To Say
Ok, it's not all racism behind the Obama as Antichrist talk, sometimes it's just buffoonery and conspiracy theory babbling. If you check out that Snopes link, you'll note that approximately two sentences into the email that we probably all received at some point last year, it's noted that the book of Revelation says the Antichrist will be a Muslim. No, it actually doesn't. But even if it did, Obama isn't a Muslim. Sure, we know that, and you probably do also. But we all probably know someone who thinks they are. Don't bother arguing, they read it at Free Republic.
But there are those accusers who shy away from the Muslim claims and head straight into New World Order conspiracy mongering.
Without fail, where there are Antichrist accusations, there are usually New World Order allegations close behind. Every U.S. President on this list has been accused of trying to usher in a New World Order at some point. We're so tired of hearing about it, we kind of wish it would just fucking happen already. Converting currency when you travel is kind of a bitch anyway.
Well liked, promises change
Different from other "kings"
Rose from obscurity
Just about everything else
If Obama hopes to become the Antichrist, he's got a lot of shit left to accomplish first. Until all of that happens, we're not buying it. And while he doesn't seem to fit the profile... isn't that what the Antichrist would want us to think???!?
We're getting so sick of hearing about the end of the world from these people we're pretty much ready for it to just happen at this point. Just get it over with already. We're clearly never getting our flying cars, beholding a pale horse may be just as awesome, provided it can fly.
Who's a cute little sign of the Apocalypse? You are! Yes you are!
Proof that Adam Brown is the Antichrist can be found at ScenicAnemia.com.
If you're not sure why you should be afraid of people who believe this shit, check out The 6 Most Utterly Insane Attempts to Kill a US President. For some guys who skated the line between good and evil and then did a sick nose grind on it, check out The 5 Biggest Badass Popes.
And stop by Cracked.com's Top Picks because we know you aren't going to church today anyway.