5 World Leaders Who Were Accused of Being the Antichrist
Be it from asteroids, nuclear war or global warming, our society is obsessed with the end of the world. It's our thing.
By far our favorite apocalypse scenario is the Christian one that says the Antichrist will rise up, take over the world, start a planet-wide war and trigger a series of supernatural events so bizarre you'd need several huge hits of LSD to fully appreciate them. That only leaves the big question: Who is this Antichrist guy?
As we speak, apocalypse enthusiasts everywhere are busy trying to answer that question. So far they've made vigorous cases for...
#5.
Ronald Reagan
Sure, at times it seemed like the Alzheimer's set in about halfway through his presidency, but overall Ronald Reagan got a free pass and was generally well liked. Hell, he won 49 friggin' states in the 1984 election.
"Ooh, I'm Minnesota, I'm better than everyone, oooh." Get over yourself.
What His Accusers Have To Say
As usual, numbers come into play. It's said that the Antichrist will carry the Mark of the Beast (666). Where was Rockin' Ronnie's mark? In his name, of course, Ronald Wilson Reagan. That's six letters in each name, folks. 666. But it doesn't end there.
People have come up with an entire laundry list of other reasons why Reagan was the Antichrist. They range everywhere from the stupid (Revelation 13:3 - "One of its heads seemed to have a mortal wound, but its mortal wound was healed" refers to James Brady?) to the very stupid (Revelation 13:2 - ".... its feet were like a bear's ...." refers to the state animal of Reagan's adopted home state of California).
Pros:
Six letters in each name.
Survived a mortal wound (although not to the head).
First Lady wore a lot of red.
Moved to a house at 666 St. Cloud Rd. upon retirement.
What are you hiding under that hat, Ronnie? Horns?!
Cons:
Never blasphemed God.
Was most definitely not succeeded by Christ.
Was not homosexual (as far as we know).
Kind of a shitty actor. We expect more from the Antichrist.
The number of the Beast probably isn't even 666.
Our Verdict
First of all, every person with six letters in each of their names does not qualify as the Antichrist. Mad Magazine associate editor Jerry DiFusco suggested that the E in Alfred E. Newman stands for Enigma. Alfred Enigma Newman. Do the math. Is this the face of the Antichrist?
Well, we certainly think so.
As you'll find with most people on this list, while there may be a few striking coincidences, there is actually a list of twenty-seven characteristics that the Antichrist must possess. While a simple stretching of the truth could make Reagan fit into some of them (you know, he did speak boastfully!), he falls well short on many others. Too many others to even list, in fact. Sorry, paranoid left wingers, Ronnie ain't yer demon. Keep your eye on that Newman fucker though.
#4.
Mikhail Gorbachev
The New Coke to Reagan's Pepsi, Gorbachev's ultimately failed attempts to reform the Soviet Union made him so popular on the world stage that it's no surprise books hit the shelves at the height of his power declaring him to be the Antichrist.
It seemed so plausible in 1988. A reformed, sprawling, thriving, atheist Soviet Empire? The prophecy is fulfilled! Run for the hills!
Then the Soviet Union sputtered into collapse, and that was that.
What His Accusers Have To Say
It's a cruel irony that the guy who went to the negotiating table with Regan to help bring the world back from the brink of nuclear Armageddon so frequently got accused of being the Antichrist. You know, the guy who was to bring about Armageddon.
Raise your hand if you're the Antichrist. Hah! Gotcha.
Actually, it's not irony at all, it's prophecy! As this site so helpfully points out, it's the peace itself he helped bring about that marks him as a devil:
This represents how peace in the modern world is a false, antichristian peace."
Man... we're skeptical on the whole, but, if there's some kind of argument to be made against that logic, we'll be damned if we know what it is. Check and mate.
But even if the lack of nuclear annihilation wasn't enough of a warning sign to you, just check out the forehead:
Though, we suppose it could be worse.
As this site informs us, "Many have mentioned that 'mark' on his forehead. The Bible does say in Revelation that the Antichrist will require everyone to 'receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand.' (Revelation 14:9)"
Don't you see? It has the words "mark" and "forehead" right there in the prophecy! And he has a mark on his forehead! Shit!
Pros:
Charismatic leader
Worldwide popularity
Ruled an enormous empire
Weird thing on his head
Cons:
Looked like a huge pussy compared to previous Soviet leaders
Was instrumental in making the whole Armageddon thing not come true
Our Verdict
If we were in the apocalyptic books market in the 80s, our personal theory would have been that Reagan and Gorbachev were both the Antichrist. We're thinking that between the two of them they surely filled all of the criteria, combining to form a sort of anti-Christian Voltron. We could have made millions off that theory.
"And I'll form the apocalypse."
But here's the one we're going with now: With the largest empire in the world under his command, along with a nuclear arsenal that could destroy the planet hundreds of times over and the ear of every world leader... we're thinking that Gorby was actually supposed to be the Antichrist. He simply fucked it up.
#3.
Pope Benedict XVI
Joseph Ratzinger, who goes by the stage name "Pope Benedict XVI," is one of the most popular current candidates for the role of Antichrist.
He hasn't really been in place long enough to have racked up any kind of track record of wrongdoing. Sure, there have been plenty of pedophile scandals, but he kind of inherited that problem. And there is the issue of him having been a member of the Hitler Youth. Granted, at the time, joining the Hitler Youth was a requirement for boys of his age, and by most accounts he wasn't too happy about it.
Doesn't he look happy?
But who lets fact get in the way of a good scandal?
What His Accusers Have To Say
If you Google "Pope Benedict XVI Antichrist" the first result you come across is the mysteriously named website www.popebenedictantichrist.com. Seems like a good enough place to start. Among the evidence they cite is Revelation 17: 7,9 - "The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth." If you're asking "What the fuck?" keep in mind, Rome sits on seven hills, apparently. Does this mean any Pope in the history of forever fits into that description? Yes, yes it does. But JoeRat is the Pope right now, so it has to be him, right? And he's apparently a woman also.
Look at him, clapping. Just like the devil.
Pros:
Has no regard for the desire of women
Different from other kings (a Pope from Germany?)
Worshiped by many people, sort of
Looks creepy as all hell
Cons:
Has yet to change the calendar
Seems to dig the religion of his ancestors
Vatican Military probably couldn't accomplish much
Arrival on the world scene not accompanied by miracles
Our Verdict
Antichrist revealing is big business. Don't believe us? Check out this site which would love to sell you a book explaining why "The Pope" is the Antichrist. Which Pope? Whatever Pope sells you the book, they don't really specify. There probably hasn't been a Pope for several decades that wasn't accused of being the Antichrist. Nothing about this Pope makes him any more likely to bring about your destruction than anyone who preceded him.
He does look pretty fucking scary though.
"If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed."
Surprisingly my comment has been deleted. You know you stole from Hicks. It doesn't matter if anybody else knows. YOU know.
ReplyAnd you.
You missed a WHOLE lot of points supporting the "nero antichrist" bit, in your heavy handed Obama plug.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesWhile I can respect that you, like all writers, have your own agenda, you REALLY should not have included Nero in this list....Because Nero was actually the antichrist.
Not in a "WOAH HE'S MEAN HE MUST BE THE ANTICHRIST" waybut in a "They wrote the book of Revelations SPECIFICALLY ABOUT HIM and Disguised it as a prophecy to avoid arrest and execution" way. So, uh, yeah...sorry...
Nobody cares. It's all fiction anyway.
Interesting.
A republican know it all? Truly this is new and refreshing thank you for your witty insight and info on the particulars of a book noone in their right mind should ever give a s**t about. (revelations specifically im sure their are some good parts in the bible but revelations is f****n useless)
What do you mean, paranoid "left" wingers?
ReplyAnd the pope is Polish.
And this article really Sucks.
Anyhoo.
The last Pope was Polish. This one is German. Your post sucks.
Nero's real name wasn't Nero Cesear. Cesear is the latin title for roman king. So Nero couldn't add up to 666. Not to mention that latin doesn't translate into numerical code without a rosetta stone which would eliminate a non-man-made anti-christ.
ReplyＷｏｗ， ｄｕｄｅ． Ｗｈｅｒｅ ｉｎ ｔｈｅ ａｒｔｉｃｌｅ ｄｉｄ ｉｔ ｓａｙ Ｔｈａｔ Ｎｅｒｏ Ｃａｅｓａｒ ａｄｄｅｄ ｕｐ ｔｏ ６６６？ Ｔｈａｔ ｗａｓ ｔｈｅ ＣＯＤＥ ｆｏｒ Ｎｅｒｏ， ｔｈｅ （ｔｈｅｎ ｃｕｒｒｅｎｔ） Ｃａｅｓａｒ． Ｉｔ ｗａｓ ｔｈｅ ”Ｈｅ Ｗｈｏ Ｓｈａｌｌ Ｎｏｔ Ｂｅ Ｎａｍｅｄ” ｏｆ ｅａｒｌｙ Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｅｎｄｏｍ， ｅｓｓｅｎｔｉａｌｌｙ． Ｎｏｔ ｓａｙｉｎｇ ｔｈａｔ Ｐｒｅｔｅｒｉｓｔｓ ａｒｅ ｃｏｒｒｅｃｔ， ｂｕｔ ｄｕｄｅ， ａｔ ｌｅａｓｔ ｇｅｔ ｙｏｕｒ ｆａｃｔｓ ｓｔｒａｉｇｈｔ．
Actually the latin for king is Rex. Caesar is the family name of the emperors as the first emperor was Octavian Caesar (Julius Caesar's grand-nephew) who renamed himself Augustus when he became emperor. As all future emperors are supposed to be descended familiarly from him, Caesar is their family name and so any code they want to use is fine. Not necessarily sane but they can use that name anyway.
Everytime I see Pope "Ratzinger" Benedict XVI I always imagine him saying "Join the darkside!" in Emperor Palpatine's voice.
ReplyI really don't want to be "that guy"... but they spelled "Caesar" wrong... every time...
ReplyI fcktasticly know, right.?!
I'm an atheist and I still like popes. John Paul II was a great man.
ReplyCracked should make a list of people who have been suspected of being Christ himself. The list would pretty much be the same. I have talked to at least one wack who thought at least one of the listed people was the messiah returned.
ReplyOh my gosh... the Obama entry reminds me of my Christian school days, when I had to go door-to-door and let people know about our church. I'd get these old people who'd tell us that "one of the candidates" resembles the Antichrist EXACTLY. And they'd say this in hushed tones like they were being watched or something. I'd have to listen to this in 100+ degree weather, nod, and smile, all the while thinking, "Just take the goddamned pamphlet and close the door like everyone else." Nothing like conservative, conspiracy-theory Baptists to grate on the nerves.
ReplyMasterfully written!! :o)
ReplyHey 15 years in Australia Pizza Huts phone number was 13 11 66. Add the first 4 numbers up and taste their s****y pizzas and then try to tell me they aren't the Anti-Christ incarnate or at least a subsidiary of Satan and sons inc.
Reply*Hey 15 years ago. f*****g site won't let me edit comment!!!
None of them are the Beast (Antichrist) although some maybe be antichrist (the bible says their are many antichrists the one big one is just the last major one) certainly Nero was given his murder of Christians. A fun thing about Pope Benedict though is his job prior to being Pope. He was Prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith. This part of the church has gone by a number of different names once known as the Holy Office but perhaps best known as the Roman Inquisition.
ReplyI'm pretty sure Craig Christ is the Antichrist. Or possibly Stephen Lynch.
ReplyI mentioned to a co-worker that I'd read a book Obama had written about his life, casually and in context to our conversation- I'd also read a Twilight installment. (It was a boring weekend). Anyway, this person I work with got really loud, starts repeating "He's a Muslim", wouldn't listen that I'd read Obama had grown up in Hawaii raised by all white people; then she got pissed at me and stomped off. Christian Fundamentalists are f*****g nuts, man.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHmm, well first off he wasn't born in hawaii we know that as his birth certificate is fake as are teh 6 social security numbers he uses and he applied for foreign aid to go to college. But aside from that the man can recite the call to prayer by heart in perfect arabic, quote directly from the quran, seems to have a hatred for israel as shown by his policies, and loves muslim countries also shown by his policies including bowing to muslim kings even though he doesn't bow to christian kings and queens. Sounds like a muslim to me. He can call himself a christian all he wants but actions speak louder than words. Of course politicians never lie right.
@daftone: You're kidding, right? Among other things, Muslims have to pray at specified times five times a day. Barack Obama has been seen in those times NOT PRAYING. Muslims are also not supposed to eat pork -- and Obama has been photographed eating pork. I'm an atheist and can quote from the Bible AND the Koran. And I'm not fond of Israel either. I know several non-Muslims who can speak Arabic; it's one of the world's most common languages and taught in many schools; Christian missionaries to Muslim countries must lean to speak it. Bowing to a king of any religion is a matter of respect and diplomacy (that is, not pissing them off), whether you believe in their divine right or not -- I would do the same if I met a king.
Well the debate on whether Barack Obama is a muslim or not might rage on forever but I'm certain that we can answer the question to whether Daftone is an idiot or not right now. He is.
A. There are more than one antichrist. B. Humans are the "beast". C. Carbon is the # of the beast, 6protons-6electrons-6nuetrons.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesDude, if we found an element that was 2/3 carbon, and 1/3 something else sixey, then we would have an apocalyptic element.
Stay in school, fellas.
Wow. The element that forms the basis of all life on Earth, as apparently created by God, is the number of the beast. Its amazing what stupid links you can find when you look really really hard for them. *rolls eyes*
Not to mention that one priest guy, I don't remember his name called Obama the messiah.
ReplyGood job barrack...you have fooled them all...
ReplyUmmm.... he's not a place to store infantry.
Thank you for making me giggle for several minutes, William!
Every one of those claims is bullcrap. Everyone knows that George Soros is the antichrist.
ReplyNot stylish enough. Now, Donald Trump, with that attitude & hair, he's a better candidate.
The ironic thing about this is that if some guy came out and said "Behold! I am the Antichrist!" everyone else would shout "FAKE!!"
ReplyBehold! I belong to the New World Order!
FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll note that with Nero all those theories occur well after the fall of the Roman Empire and with good reason. You see, despite what the Catholic Church wants you to believe, Christianity did not begin at the start of time. In fact, it actually started and was a cult as opposed to an organized religion during the time of the Roman Empire and was not considered a religion until after the Empire fell. Seeing that the antichrist is a purely christian character, The biggest nail in the coffin that Nero could not be the antichrist is that if he was, then the catholic cult would have had a lifespan of less than a few years, assuming he was alive when it had formed.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesThe Catholic Church has never once stated that Christianity began at start of time.
Christianity was around long before Jesus, just under other guises, its the oldest religion.Sun worship.
mortal wrath: i'm pretty sure it was Judaism.
rudy: oh? you know that?
prove it.
Mortalwrath: Christianity began with jesus. Thus the name christ in the title. Judaism was the bases of both christianity and islam but they are 3 seperate religions each started when they were created i.e. christianity began with jesus, islam with mohammed. But even assuming all 3 are the same religion they are not the oldest and they never worshiped the sun. Do some studying before you post.
For all of you bugging on mortalwrath, he is in fact refering to Mithraism. This religion was a contemporary to early Christianity. It is often, although not entirely corrected, suggested that early Christianity stole a lot of the mythology behind Jesus' life from Mithraism. There are definately some fairly strong comparisons though but it implies more than the religions influenced each other in their early years than the theft of primary concepts by Christianity. Mithras was the son of the Sun and often referred to as the Lord of Light ( a term Ive heard used for Jesus in church) and was depicted (in the previously Egyptian fashion) with a sun disc around his head which we would now view as a halo. So hes poking fun at Christianity, he isnt actually wrong.
Also, its ridiculous to assume that Christianity was never influenced by previous religions. Its pretty common across all religious history. New religions incorporate aspects of the previous well established faiths in order to encourage new members without looking crazy. So halos are Egyptian sun discs. Virgin births were in many pagan religions and the modern "Christian" calendar is actually very similar to the Pagan calendar but with the dates of the Christian events moved so that the festivals coincided. This is not crazy or blasphemous, its historical fact.
Also, I agree that Christianity started with Jesus but it was a organised religion BEFORE the end of the Roman Empire. Emperor Constantine made Christianity an official religion in the country despite not converting himself til he was on his deathbed. In fact, by the fall of the empire, Christianity was the primary religion.