6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can't Explain
We like to feel superior to the people who lived centuries ago, what with their shitty mud huts and curing colds by drilling a hole in their skulls. But we have to give them credit: They left behind some artifacts that have left the smartest of modern scientists scratching their heads.
For instance, you have the following enigmas that we believe were created for no other purpose than to fuck with future generations.
#6.
The Voynich Manuscript
The Mystery:
The Voynich manuscript is an ancient book that has thwarted all attempts at deciphering its contents. And it's not like some idiot just scribbled a bunch of nonsense on paper and went, "Figure THIS out, fuckwads." It is actually an organized book with a consistent script, discernible organization and detailed illustrations.
It appears to be a real language--just one that nobody has seen before. And it really does appear to mean something. But nobody knows what.
Translation: "...and when you get her to put the tennis racket in her mouth, have her stand in a fountain for a while. Then draw pictures of her."
There is not even a consensus on who wrote it, or even when it was written. And we sure as fuck don't know why.
Why Can't They Solve It?
Could you? Look at this shit:
Don't even try. Expert military code-breakers, cryptographers, mathematicians, linguists, people who get paid to find and decipher patterns, have all been left unable to decipher a single word.
As you can imagine, proposed solutions have been all over the board, from reasonable to completely clownshit. Some say it's an unbreakable code that requires a key to solve. Some say it's a hoax, and a damned fine one if we do say ourselves. Some say it's glossolalia, which is the fine art of speaking or writing something you don't understand but that is being channeled to you by God or aliens or whatever (note that the word was chosen specifically to make you sound retarded when saying it).
Our Guess:
It's written in English, by a person who was extremely shitty at writing in English.
#5.
The Antikythera Mechanism
The Mystery:
The Antikythera mechanism is an ancient, intricate machine found in a shipwreck near Greece that dates back to about 100 BC. The Antikythera mechanism contains gears and structures that were not found in devices again for 1000 years, and only then when the Muslims and Chinese were busy inventing shit while the Europeans were busy killing each other.
Why Can't They Solve It?
First, no one can agree on where the Antikythera mechanism was made or who designed it. Popular belief was that it was made by the Greeks due to its instructions all being in Greek (about a million of our tax dollars were probably spent arriving at that genius conclusion) but serious research published in serious places suggested the design came from Sicily.
And a billion parts with indecipherable instructions suggest it comes from Ikea. Ba-zing!
The mechanism, aside from placing you at serious risk for severing a finger, was supposedly used to figure out astronomical positions. The problem with that is that at the time this thing was made, no one had yet discovered laws of gravity or how heavenly bodies moved.
In other words, the Antikythera mechanism appears to have functions that no one alive at that time would have understood, and no single mechanical purpose of that era (such as navigating ships) explains the crazy number of functions and settings this machine has.
Our Guess:
It's a scrap from a time machine that exploded the moment it arrived in the past.
#4.
The Baigong Pipes
The Mystery:
In an area of China not known to ever contain people, let alone industry, there are three mysterious triangular openings on top of a mountain containing hundreds of ancient rusty iron pipes of unknown origin. Some of the pipes go deep into the mountain. Some of them go into a nearby salt water lake. There are more pipes in the lake, and more still running east-west along the lake shore. Some of the larger pipes are 40 cm in diameter, are of uniform size and are placed in what seems like purposeful patterns.
Hey, vagina caves.
So what's the big deal? Well, archaeologists have dated the pipes to a time when people were still trying to figure out how to cook meat without setting their back-hair on fire, let alone casting iron.
Why Can't They Solve It?
Oddly, the pipes are clean of debris despite being older than Zeus. This suggests that they were not simply shoved into the ground for the hell of it, but actually used for something. Oh, and did we mention the mountain is completely inhospitable to human life?
As usual, a faction of nutjobs believes the Baigong Pipes to be an ancient astronomy lab or even spacecraft launching site left by extraterrestrials. This is possible, since the pipes contain a proportion of silica close to what occurs on Mars. Of course, the manhole cover outside your house does also, so take that with a grain of salt.
Some say they are a hoax. We must politely remind those people that you can't wipe your ass in China without the government knowing, let alone set up a fucking iron forge and start burying pipes in the ground for the purpose of confusing passers-by.
Our Guess:
Long ago, a group of frustrated fishermen with lots and lots of spare time spent their whole lives building a plumbing system to drain that nearby lake. Then they figured they'd just walk right down there with wheelbarrows, scoop up the fish and eat like kings.
a cthulu? why would it be that?
Replybecause it is
it means can't hold a civilization because there probably is not enough food and traveling down the mountain to get food bye the time they got back you mom was eaten the scientist guys just packed food and water simple
ReplyThe f.. did I just read
Regarding the Baigong Pipes:
Reply"Oh, and did we mention the mountain is completely inhospitable to human life?"
Then how were archaeologists able to go there and find them?
Loved this article. Have re-read it several times. Just noticed that the wikipedia page for The Bloop mentions several other unexplained sounds heard in the ocean. Although none of them were as loud as The Bloop, in that they were not picked up by so many microphones so many miles apart, they sure seem a hell of a lot creepier sounding to me. Go to the wikipedia page and listen the the sound called The Train and tell me that isn't creepier than The Bloop.
ReplyJust listened to it... and I completely agree. I have yet to listen to the others though, like Julia, Whistle, Slow Down, etc.
number 1 is legit. it was definitely that squidmanbatfish thing
ReplyWho else feels that in 50 years, Cracked will run an article with these same items that will be titled "6 Ridiculous Archaeological Frauds (That Fooled the World)"
ReplyI think those pipes left in the chinese mountain are very interesting to say the least. what the hell are they doing there???????
ReplyI strongly believe that the stone balls are Dragon Balls, and that Dragon Ball Z is based on a true story. Strongly.
Replythe bloop was cathulhu taking a dump? Maybe?
ReplyOnce, group of giant stone frogs came down from their home planet and landed on earth. They laid their many eggs, and departed. Years later, humans would name these eggs The Costa Rica Balls. But, some of these eggs hatched, and smaller, infant stone frogs hopped out. One of them had a night of bestiality with a female human. Nine months later, the first hybrid of human-stone frog was born. He was extremely smart. He made his own language, and wrote a complex novel, called The Voynich Manuscript. He built The Antikythera Machine and gave it to a boat he happened across. Sadly, the boat sank, and the contraption was destroyed. Depressed, the hybrid spent a few years making a series of pipes (later know as The Baigong Pipes) to pass the time. Then, one day, he traveled to Mesopotamia, and gave the humans devices he called The Baghdad Batteries. His ancestors, the stone frogs, were ticked off because this person, not fully human or stone frog, was passing along his smarts to the humans. One day, with his help the humans might have discovered the stone frogs and taken over their society. Once the hybrid had willingly given his Baghdad Batteries to human, the frogs decided they had had enough. They sent a special mutant stone frog with wings down to earth. The mutant picked up the hybrid, flew mile and miles above the ocean, before tucking in his wings and sending himself plummeting down into the ocean. The winged stone frog crushed the hybrid, while simultaneously drowning him, and creating The Bloop.
ReplyThe biggest mystery of the 21 century is: women have dicks and men are obsolete. Go figure.
Replywat.
Regarding the Voynich manuscript, the most likely explanation is that it is simply a hoax. It has been proven to be quite simple to create an alphabet and then put them together in various combinations to create "words". As far as the "bloop" is concerned, the first thing that came to my mind was the sound a toilet tank makes sometimes. I would suggest that perhaps it's caused by some pressure being released from the Earth's crust under the ocean. Of course, I'm not a geologist, so I have no clue how plausible of a theory that might be.
ReplyCuthulu has laided the stone eggs, and they will hatch and detroy us all!
Replyyour guesses are funnier than the mysteries.
Replyoh yeah cthulhu rocks!!!
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ReplyI tried deciphering the Voynich Manuscript from the little picture; here what I got.
ReplyTorrer urreg caau ullend oTrvor89 Freor oP oPo Pain eheg Kawsar; eHeor sam golfor oHeo
Fuck. I give up.
I dunno, looks like your average spambot message to me.
I thought I could make out a few Arabic letters.
Its pronounced ca tu lu
ReplyThere is acgtually, and as per Lovecraft's own admission, no right or wrong way to pronounce Chtulu. Even the spelling may vary, depending on who was tellig the story (you probably know that there was an entire bunch of writters that corresponded with Lovecraft and who wrote their own stories to add to the Chtulu Mythos). The reason for Chtulu's name not having an absolute pronunciation is simply becaus eit was not a name from this world. Chtulu was only the way the human mind could process. You know, the humand mind of those who heard Chtulu's name because they all went mad, because, damn if Lovecraft was going to leave the main characters go living a normal life after they encounter anything remotely connected to the Old Ones.
I love the guess for The Baghdad Batteries. Oh and The Bloop scares the s**t out of me.
Replyhey take care of those stone balls they are used dragon balls. as soon as we get a new kami they will be worth something.
Reply