Black Holes, Books and Boobs: The Round-up!

Okay, so, before you find out for yourselves and get pissed at us, there are no boobs in this round-up. There aren't really even any boobs in any of these articles, probably. But we were going with a "B Thing," and, well, we just like typing the word "Boobs." Boobs. See? We just did it again and it felt great. Boobs. Ha! Hey, if you want to yell at us in the comments, try typing the word "Boobs" first and see if you're still mad.

(And then don't yell at us even if you are mad.)


Oh no Swaim didn't! Oh, yes, he did with his list of the greatest comebacks. It takes a Canadian to explain the American Recession, so maybe next week we'll have an American explain why Canadians like such shitty beer. Hey, you know what the kids think is cool today? Vampires. You know what's actually cool? How vampires used to be, and Ross explains why. Meanwhile, Brockway pisses everyone off his second week on the job, and DOB gets everyone to open up about their biggest, craziest fears.



HOW TWO READ!
13 Most Baffling Book Titles
Yes, we know we used the wrong form of "to." That's sort of what we were going for, right their.


Notable Comment: Crackedpipe says "Really Cracked, you found a sexual innuendo in the tractor book title? That's a little immature, even for Cracked's standards." Oh yeah? Well your butt is a little immature for your face. You are a fart.
Who's immature now? Poop.



HARD TO KILL!
7 Historical Figures Who Were Absurdly Hard to Kill
Hard to Kill. Like the Steven Segal movie? And maybe that Weird Science chick was also in it? Oh, no one here saw Hard to Kill? God damn philistines.


Notable Comment: Onodera says "Very funny and well written, but not entirely accurate. But it's hard to care when you're laughing." Wouldn't it be nice if all the commenters had that attitude. Yes, yes it would. But, then, this wouldn't be the internet, would it.



RETARIED!
The 6 Most Retarded Gaming Consoles Ever Released
We tried to combine Atari and Retarded. Is that clear? Did that come across alright? Or...you don't even care, do you? You're probably only checking the Round-Up to see if you made the notable comment or the Editor's Choice for craptions. Sigh.


Notable Comment:Boy, you nerds sure do take your shitty video game systems seriously. That is just awful.



ASSTEROID!
5 Cosmic Events That Could Kill You Before Lunch
You might not even be able to read this, because we might all be dead! Isn't that neat? All of us being dead to something totally random and completely out of our control? (We're a comedy website!)


Notable Comment:Tobias complains "It is way past lunch time and i'm not dead yet. I think you guys owe me money because I just bought 20 hookers to keep me company." Sorry dude. We promise, sometime next week, we'll all be dead, or your money back.



HOLEY PLOT!
The 6 Most Pointlessly Elaborate Movie Murder Plots
"We're totally gonna catch Batman but, just to be safe, I'm going to go ahead and plant a bomb in this guy's stomach that's activated by a cellphone. Then I'm gonna make sure he gets arrested, and I'll assume we're kept in the same prison. Also, just on a whim, I'm gonna rig these two buildings up with bombs. This hospital, too. I wonder if there's anywhere else I can put bombs. You know. Just in case of whatever."


Notable Comment: Oneisnotprime yells "Arrrgghhh!! You always forget 'Reindeer Games', it's infuriating! Reindeer Games, people, REINDEER GAMES!" It looks like you'll be doing enough remembering of Reindeer Games for the whole planet, guy.





NET_WORK!
Office Apocalypse: When The Internet Goes Down at Work
This is just a myth, right? This couldn't actually happen, right? Right?!


YOU YOU YOU!
11 Tasteless Holiday Decorations
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, When (Adorable) Animals Attack.



Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

12.04.08:

Charlton Heston's headstone is finally delivered.
by methlabmusik

Editor's pick:

Never bring a giant barbecue grill knife to a giant barbecue grill gun fight.
by Plan B

12.3.08:

I hate Take my dad to school day.
by bobthecob

Editor's pick:

little did we know the camera was really a "DRAG GUN!"
by awesomeman

12.2.08:

I'm here to work for the big evil Empire. Is this the right place?
by GaseousClay

Editor's pick:

5 seconds from now: the most unlikely of all gay sex fan-fiction is made a reality.
by nosayso

12.1.08:

Topless women?
by jessen

Editor's pick:

Those hookers better be half price.
by jpj420

11.30.08:

This is why you don't eat silly string and mexican food.
by rendinho

Editor's pick:

"And thats the third time I pooped a satan"
by LetThereBeBlood

11.29.08:

Thirty seconds after California legalized pot
by Anthony_H

Editor's pick:

Eighth level vegans can only eat trees.
by tao2001

11.28.08:

Well apparently after capturing God, you are supposed to humiliate him.
by jurisprudence

Editor's pick:

It's important to educate people about prostate cancer.
But not that important.

by phreesh

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