#3. Anal Lube Steroids
Craftiness is key when it comes to tricking people in the smuggling game, which is why when the opportunity presents itself to disguise banned steroids as gay sex lube, you have to jump on that pony and ride.
That's how over 150 bottles of illegal steroids were discovered in Thailand, literally labeled "gay lube oil."
You may ask yourself why, if trying to disguise a clear liquid, you would choose to specify it as sex lube, of all things. And then you may go on to the bigger question of why they would have to be specific "gay" lube on top of that. The easy reply would be, "Because it's Thailand." But cultural sensitivity tells us it's better to just leave it unanswered.
#2. Cocaine Plastic
To run an efficient drug operation you really need someone with a background in chemistry on hand, just so you don't end up producing lethal pop rocks when you're trying to make crack. And since the dude is on staff anyway, you may as well put him to work on a clever way to hide the drugs once they're ready to be shipped out to lawyers and politicians across the globe.
Some smugglers have used a process to mix cocaine with silicone to make something that looks like fabric. That however was not enough to fool the drug-sniffing dogs, who quite frankly don't care what the drugs look like.
"I'm telling you, dude, your partner is made out of coke."
But then we have the ones who've begun processing cocaine into Plexiglas, to make clear plastic products like DVD cases and fish tanks that, if you were to chew them, would get you high before they shredded your insides.
Admittedly, there's an equally clever chemical process for getting the drugs back out of the plastic once they've arrived, but who's going to wait around for that?
#1. Cocaine Jesus
"Cocaine Jesus" both describes the method this smuggler chose, and probably the new nickname everyone gave him for thinking of it.
In Texas, border police stopped an elderly Mexican woman with a seven-pound statue of Jesus in her trunk. Drug-sniffing dogs took a real interest in the statue, but authorities didn't find any cocaine hidden inside.
"Sorry boy. Not everything is filled with cocaine."
That's because the statue was cocaine. It had been molded out of plaster mixed with the drug.
The lady had been paid a whopping $80 to bring it across the border (by comparison, if the mixture of the statue was just 50% cocaine, that's a $200,000 coke statue).
We don't know how exactly they intended to get the drugs back out of the statue once it made it to the destination. All we know is if one day you find yourself grinding up the head of Jesus so you can snort it, it's probably time to reevaluate your life.
If, after reading that, you're disgusted by the drug industry, then prepare to have your mind blown in The 5 Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High. Or check out how drunks can be just as creative in James Bond Boozing: 10 Amazing Flasks for Undercover Drunks.