5Shan-Yu, from Mulan
Shan-Yu is a Mongolian warlord. The movie says very little about where he came from, but, judging by the eyes, we're going to assume he's a distant Mongolian relative of Darth Maul.
How He Died:
Mulan, who the movie repeatedly demonstrates is the single competent human being in China, follows Shan-Yu alone, eventually climbing onto the roof to set up an elaborate trap. Shan-Yu uses his Mongolian ninja powers to jump through the roof right next to her.
Using her fan, Mulan manages to pull the sword out of his hand in a move that makes Bruce Lee look like a white belt. Just as Mulan is about to kill Shan-Yu, the assistant producer reminds her that this movie needs a G rating. So, she stabs her sword into the ground and kicks him instead. Our bloodlust looks like it's going to go woefully unfulfilled. But wait!
It's Deus Ex Machina, the friendly dragon, come to help her! He fires a rocket the size of Texas, strong enough to lift the 600-lb man off his feet and torpedo him into a building crammed full of miscellaneous fireworks. Kapoosh.
So basically, it's the ludicrously violent death from Naked Gun, only instead of being played for laughs, it's the climax of a kids movie. Burning chunks of Mongolian fall from the sky, always kept barely off-camera or behind an explosion, as everyone below celebrates. Happy days, indeed.
"I think you've got one of Shan-Yu's teeth in your hair."
4Clayton, from Tarzan
Clayton is a hunter who visits Tarzan's neck of the woods. Everything from the red scarf to the tiny-ass mustache gives off clear douchebag signals. He's the neighbor your father used to hate. Worse, he turns out be a hunter of gorillas (not actually legal) and he shoots Tarzan's adopted daddy to death.
How He Died:
When it comes to jumping around trees in the jungle and swinging from vines, nobody can beat Tarzan, though we suppose a freaking double-barreled shotgun that doesn't need reloading doesn't hurt your cause. Having failed to learn the lessons of history and the first two Rambo films, Clayton decides his superior weaponry is all he needs to fight Tarzan on his own turf.
The struggle ends up with Clayton suspended over a cliff, tangled up in vines. He starts hacking away at everything, save for the vines that are tightening around his neck which, quite frankly, we would have started with.
Finally, he cuts one vine too many and they can't support his weight. Vines still around his neck, he falls...
Lightning strikes, revealing the shadow of his dangling, lifeless corpse. Clayton snapped his neck on the vines and he is left hanging there, his big swollen tongue hanging out, his eyes bulging, and the contents of his bowels slowly making their way down his trouser leg.
Or he died from exposure after hanging there for two or three days. Either way, what the hell Disney?