Every Saturday we have our favorite writers fill in for us. Occasionally that's sort of an ass-kissy way to introduce some guy we've never heard of, but today we totally mean it. Mike Sacks has written for Esquire, GQ, The New Yorker, Time, Vanity Fair and other magazines. He works at Vanity Fair and used to write Radar Magazine's top 100 lists with Todd Levin, Jason Roeder and Ted Travelstead. Today Mike and company offer up an inbox full of subject lines so horrendous they might put you off this electronic-mail thing forever.