There are two kinds of people in this world. Some people will look at a construction crane and think "Oh, look, it's a construction crane." Others will look at that same crane and think, "Oh, hey, I've gotta go have sex on that construction crane, right this second."
This article's about that second group.
Like most men, Donald Thompson, had needs; itches that had to be scratched without delay. Unlike most men, Donald Thompson was also a judge. And, unlike most judges (hopefully), Donald liked to sit behind the bench and jam his unit into a penis pump and go to town while presiding over cases.
"Whatever. I just masturbated into this Dixie cup."
According to testimony in the trial that ended with him getting four years in prison for indecent exposure and getting disbarred, Thompson used the pump at least four times and exposed himself 15 times during jury trials, apparently when shit got either really boring or incredibly sexy. You know how murder trials can get sexy.
"Read the charges again, but slower...and then tell me I'm bad."
As an added bonus, Thompson had purchased a rather noisy pump that made an audible wooshing sound. It was loud enough that jurors during trials asked the judge what it was and presumably Thompson responded by groaning loudly then napping for a half hour or so.