9 Innocent Google Searches That Get Porn On the First Page

Safe Filter On:

How about boobies, in the very first image on safe search. Huge, cartoon, barely covered boobies. Oh, and the lady has a red scarf in her mouth for some reason.

The second result is one of those classic internet "WTF" pictures that in fact did make us say, "woah." Good work, Google.

Filter Off:

So to recap, the first four images for "woah" are:

Man swinging cock at camera;
Woman fucking slime alien;
Huge-titted cartoon puking a scarf;
Dudes torturing an alien in a shower.

As of now we are having serious doubts about this project. Let's take this as far in the other direction as possible. Let's try...

Safe Filter On:

We were delighted to think back to a simpler time, when we didn't have all these adult worries like paying our bills by searching for Inspector Gadget porn for Cracked.

Should be no problem to turn the filter off...

Filter Off:

Ah, nothing to see here. Same lineup of images. Only... they seem to be offset by one, as if one extra image has entered the lineup. Let's look down at the end of the second row...

Wow. Cartoon porn, incest, pedophilia, it's the Dateline: To Catch A Predator trifecta. DAMN YOU, GOOGLE!

All right. We're going all the way. Let's try "Lord."

Safe Filter On:

Otherwise the geeks dominate this page with Lord of the Rings results taking up several spots, and Lord Kelvin near the top. This not only isn't porn, we're firmly in realm of the virgins. Seems like we're out of the disturbing porn woods, guys!

Filter Off:

Woah! We have a gay bondage porn emergency here!

Lord and Lady Kelvin don't seem phased by this. Though, up close, the Lord's eyes appear to be closed.

Safe Filter On:

Five nuns, ten ass cheeks and one trip straight to hell. While we knew Catholic schools played a large role in the fantasies of males of all ages, it usually involved plaid schoolgirl outfits, not nuns. Right?

Wrong. If you were actually searching for a picture of the stern, 200-year old nun we used to censor these images, you'll need to find another search term, because this safe search returns nothing of the kind.

Filter Off:

It's not just one pic, either. We also have two nuns in a field enjoying each other's God given body, and another of a nun painting a naked dude (perhaps just moments before naked cowgirl blowjob action ensues).

Want more NSFW goodness? Then check out “I Have Brain Cancer”: 6 Amazing Non-Sex Scenes from Porn. Or check out The 15 Worst Porno Ideas Possible.