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9 Innocent Google Searches That Get Porn On the First Page
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#4.
"Woah"
Safe Filter On:
How about boobies, in the very first image on safe search. Huge, cartoon, barely covered boobies. Oh, and the lady has a red scarf in her mouth for some reason. The second result is one of those classic internet "WTF" pictures that in fact did make us say, "woah." Good work, Google. Filter Off:
So to recap, the first four images for "woah" are:
Man swinging cock at camera;
As of now we are having serious doubts about this project. Let's take this as far in the other direction as possible. Let's try... #3.
"Inspector Gadget"
Safe Filter On:
We were delighted to think back to a simpler time, when we didn't have all these adult worries like paying our bills by searching for Inspector Gadget porn for Cracked. Should be no problem to turn the filter off... Filter Off:
Ah, nothing to see here. Same lineup of images. Only... they seem to be offset by one, as if one extra image has entered the lineup. Let's look down at the end of the second row...
Wow. Cartoon porn, incest, pedophilia, it's the Dateline: To Catch A Predator trifecta. DAMN YOU, GOOGLE! All right. We're going all the way. Let's try "Lord." #2.
"Lord"
Safe Filter On:
Otherwise the geeks dominate this page with Lord of the Rings results taking up several spots, and Lord Kelvin near the top. This not only isn't porn, we're firmly in realm of the virgins. Seems like we're out of the disturbing porn woods, guys! Filter Off:
Woah! We have a gay bondage porn emergency here!
Lord and Lady Kelvin don't seem phased by this. Though, up close, the Lord's eyes appear to be closed.
#1.
"Nuns"
Safe Filter On:
Five nuns, ten ass cheeks and one trip straight to hell. While we knew Catholic schools played a large role in the fantasies of males of all ages, it usually involved plaid schoolgirl outfits, not nuns. Right? Wrong. If you were actually searching for a picture of the stern, 200-year old nun we used to censor these images, you'll need to find another search term, because this safe search returns nothing of the kind.
Filter Off: Of all the searches, this is the one that returns the skankiest picture? "Nuns"?
It's not just one pic, either. We also have two nuns in a field enjoying each other's God given body, and another of a nun painting a naked dude (perhaps just moments before naked cowgirl blowjob action ensues).
Want more NSFW goodness? Then check out “I Have Brain Cancer”: 6 Amazing Non-Sex Scenes from Porn. Or check out The 15 Worst Porno Ideas Possible. |
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im pretty sure this story is actually old. go to http://stuffididlastnight.com for full details
I thought the Nuns and the Lord one was messed up...way to screw with Catholics =D
Hmm... a bunch of pictures of castle walls. Totally unexpected. I'm glad you wasted my time with that.
Do a search for "castle wall" with safe search on.
AHem, I have a personal anecdote about this experience. When I was in 11th grade and the world of the Internet was new and fresh I was charged with doing a report on Orwell's "Animal Farm" so, what did I do? A web search! What did I find? The HORROR!! THE HORROR!!
They dont have hood!!!! search it, u no u want to u pervs.
First minute of Who's Nailin Paylin
www.TOKILLFOR.com
Russell Brand's crude remarks to Fawlty Towers Star on BBC Radio
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ed1b4baf7494d10ab9c9
Google Marge and Homer with safe search off. Dont say I didnt warn you.
In high school, for earth science class, we had to do a project on some prehistoric animals. I got assigned to do "conodonts". They're one of the first jawed fishes. I had to find a good picture of one. On the first page, I got a lot of the same pics that were in my textbook. On page 2 (I think it's still there), I found hentai. My teacher asked me what the hell I was doing and I had to explain how it wasn't may fault. THANKFULLY, she understood.
Shove a dildo up our butts, we were right.
Hilarious
a couple of years ago there was a story about a guy who kept his daughter chained to the toilet in some basement. I wanted to get the entire story and I googled "girl chained to toilet". CNN was not in the immediate results.
Best boobs clips ever! Naked News! Russell Brand dissing old men about their slutty granddaughters! Who's Nailin Paylin clips! ALL FREE!
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=bfa4055a7d13cd430dde&page=3&viewtype=&category=mr
"Polish" also works.
Damn me for looking for a polish flag with safesearch off.
That's right, Nic Cage is waaaaay too cool to be searched for safely. <3
Thank you for allowing me to view porn at work and say, 'I just googled 'Sunny'! HAHAH
It wouldn't have been nearly as hilarious without that stern nun staring at me, that just makes it hilariously awesome. First time in a long time I laughed (out loud, even!) at Cracked. Good show!
The sad thing is? The moment I saw the "huge-titted cartoon puking a scarf" I knew exactly who it was.
Remember this, Cracked: Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. Rule 35: If porn does not exist of it, then porn will be made of it.
LOL, did someone say porn? Weeee.
JIff
www.anolite.echoz.com
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moozooh
I remember I once looked for a Cisco logo. Well, try googling for it without filter and marvel at the guy on the first page. Damn hilarious.