Every Halloween the youngsters' thoughts turn to candy. And minor acts of vandalism. But mostly candy.
But there was always a downside to trick or treating, and not just the juvenile diabetes that kicked in a few years later. We're talking about the barely edible candies that got handed out every year, products that thrived at Halloween because it was the one time when the person who bought it wouldn't have to actually eat it.
We're talking about...
The Main Offenders:
Wax Lips, Wax Fangs
Everyone remembers wax lips, and to a lesser extent, wax fangs. They were bright red, shiny and, technically, edible. Like a poor man's collagen, these oily enhancers were the closest many children would ever come to a somewhat presentable face.
It's admirable that the manufacturers didn't attempt to disguise the product with a misleading name or fancy packaging. They came right out and told you, "That's a candle in your mouth, dipshit."
Not to mention the fact that to keep the lips and fangs attached to your face, you were required to bite down (ever so gently) on an extra piece of wax protruding from the inside of the "lips," making speech unintelligible on top of everything else.
Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:
This was pretty safe by itself, if you didn't mind shitting a turd-shaped candle the next day. Of course if you were smart enough to abstain from actually eating it, you and your friends probably still wound up passing it from mouth to mouth, spreading colds and maybe even a case of Measles. Or herpes, depending on the crowd you ran with.
We must also consider the danger of being physically attacked by someone else due to the candy. Since it prominently displays itself in the dead-center of your face at all times, you couldn't really hide the fact that you were eating something retarded. Like, say, a mouth-shaped candle.
On the plus side, the wax candy doubles as a mouth guard, which you most likely needed.