The internet seems destined to change democracy forever. Anyone can stand up in support of their candidate, and have their voice heard by millions... no matter how fucking insane they are.
So, every election season the web is filled with cringe-worthy videos in "support" of a candidate who, we're guessing, regret the day their supporters figured out how to work a camera. We're talking about videos like...
#8. Diddy's Obama Blog
In this thoughtful piece, motherfuckin' Diddy shares his motherfuckin' thoughts on Sarah fuckin' Palin.
A rapper as a campaign supporter is a dicey proposition, but on the short list of rappers who would seem to make for a decent endorsement, Diddy is right near the top.
He's got a ton of cash, he's fairly well respected as a businessman, and he tends to let other rappers do his shooting for him. Unfortunately, he also has a video blog.
The premise of the video is simple: "John McCain is fuckin' up!" That's not a summary, that's a direct quote. It seems Diddy is unimpressed with McCain's decision to select Sarah Palin as his running mate. In presenting his argument against Sarah Palin, he makes the obvious "lack of experience" point that everyone else does. But then, he brings some new arguments into the fray. Among his politically savvy speaking points:
"I don't know if there's any black people in Alaska."
"You would let her keep your kids?"
"There's not even no crackheads in Alaska!"
Diddy has a point, Article Two of the United States Constitution clearly states that to be president you must be a natural born citizen, at least 35 years old and have been a permanent resident in a crack infested area of the United States for at least fourteen years. Until this is amended to include meth, Sarah Palin just doesn't qualify. It's also important to note that Diddy makes all of these arguments while inexplicably spinning around in circles the whole time. There may not be crackheads in Alaska, but if this video is any indication, there may be one on the loose in the Hamptons.
#7. Raisin' McCain
McCain supporters are often unfairly stereotyped as being rednecks. It's because of this guy.
Another fine endorsement from the world of music, this time courtesy of John Rich, one half of the duo responsible for "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." For those of you at work, or with too much good sense to actually watch the video: Imagine those Monday Night Football videos that Hank Williams Jr. does every week. Got it? Cool. Now imagine Hank is singing exclusively about the team most likely to lose the game. That's "Raising McCain."
Speaking of raisins, this woman is old! Pow!
Lest you ever think McCain supporters don't know how to party, this video has everything you need to have a rocking good time. Including...
...menacing facial hair...
...a legendary air fiddle/real fiddle combo solo...
...and of course, party loving midgets!
We bet that elitist Obama doesn't have midgets at his party (bad DNC/Dennis Kucinich jokes notwithstanding).
As much fun as everyone appears to be having, we have to question the thinking behind this particular video. Is "we're all just raising McCain" really the catch phrase you want to use in support of a candidate so quickly approaching his nursing home years? Raising McCain might work as a sitcom about baby-boomers caring for their incontinent father. But we'd be more comfortable with a chorus along the lines of, "we're all just sitting around chillin' while our able bodied president handles shit." A real songwriter could craft a decent tune out of that.
#6. TI$A - Imma Vote Obama Way
Obama supporters are often unfairly stereotyped as being flamboyant homosexuals. It's because of this guy.
Barack Obama already has a pretty decent number of A-Listers on his side. If this video is any indication, he's got the B-List vote on lockdown also. We weren't even sure who the dude rapping was, so we asked our friend Google. He doesn't know either. We do know he used to be signed to Kanye West's record label and he apparently used that to trick at least one real celebrity into appearing in the video.
Above: Kanye West, presumably moments before his security staff intervenes.
According to the lyrics of the song (all two of them), the gentleman rocking the mic is also "hood," which is clearly displayed in the picture below.
TI$A: pushing the Crips "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy to its absolute limit.
To his credit, TI$A understands that a no name rapper spouting the same two lyrics over a run-into-the-ground Isley Brothers sample isn't going to be enough to put his guy in the White House. So he's enlisted the help of some famous friends, including one of the unimportant dudes from The Black Eyed Peas and, um, some other people.
Can you name the celebs in this picture? (Hint: there are none.)
He also manages to catch former Yo! MTV Raps host Fab Five Freddy driving through the wrong part of Los Angeles at the wrong time. That should help.
Fab Five Freddy: the Reginald Denny of shitty Obama videos.
#5. It's Time to Drill
If it means no more songs like this, by all means, drill wherever the hell you please.
In most cases, you can take any given demographic and, with a fair amount of accuracy, predict who they are going to vote for. Not so with the god-awful-amateur-musician voting bloc. In the last entry, we met some dude who kind of raps and supports Obama. In this video from some cat that supports McCain, we get a painful slice of shitty nu-metal that makes Limp Bizkit sound like The Beatles.
Despite what the title may suggest, "It's Time To Drill" isn't a song about boning. Instead, the devil horns are being raised in favor of offshore drilling. Yeah, you read that right, now are you ready to rock?!?!? No? Well, this is awkward.
But it's not all just terrible tunes going on in this clip. Sure, this guy is a serious musician; he wouldn't be pointing his drumstick in front of those fancy green screen effects if he wasn't.
But he's also a comedian. Don't believe us? Well check this out...
Yep, he's farting in a gas tank. CLASSIC! Seriously, the whole video is exactly...that...funny.