On Monday we brought you 35 insane costumes from around the world-- costumes so inexplicable and bizarre that if you actually wore one around for a night, you'd probably be greeted by one long, roving standing ovation.
What follows are 20 samples from the other end of the costume spectrum--good for inspiring a healthy mixture of douche-chills and rage. If you're wearing one of these, consider yourself warned: those guys aren't getting up from the bar to come over and shake your hand.
Aside from the "Would you like to buy some Bibles?" look on the model's face, it's the white leotards that seal the wearer's fate. Or possibly the little red dick-tie.
If you want to look like a Muslim Darth Vader, this costume is for you. Despite the claims in the picture, don't be surprised if women dressed like money do not approach you to withdraw cash from your wiener.
The early model Terminators were easily identifiable, since Skynet's files on what penises really look like were badly damaged in the initial attack.
Oh shit! It's Cain! Cain the Vampire Tyrant! And he's been playing the Nintendo with his power Glove!
This dude finally gets a modeling gig that has nothing to do with his biceps or his dreadlocks, so he improvises. The woman is sad because she knows the inevitable attempt to "unlock" here will cause her entrails to go flying out of her lower back, a gruesome and undignified death via impalement on a wacky costume.
This lacks the sexual connotations of the lock and key outfit above, but we can't figure out if that makes the costume more sad or less. At least aliens won't be able to read their thoughts.
Oh, we get it. "Hung" as in hung like a horse. Like, you have a big penis. And you convey this by... attaching a stuffed horse's head to your groin? With a hangman's noose? This costume's designer has many a dead hooker in his basement.
We can think of two people off the top of our heads who haven't seen this movie: the guy who designed this costume and the guy wearing it.
We know. We can see it. And the children can see it. Warning: This costume is illegal in 48 states.
Just because he is wearing a hat and carrying frankincense does not mean this is not a Geisha Girl costume.