SEX! (The Cracked Round Up)

Okay, so only, like, one of our articles is technically all about sex. But there are probably a bunch of needless pictures of boobs in some of the other articles. And, hey, one of our articles talks about semen. Like, a lot. So we're not totally lying.

Just mostly.

MO' MONEY MO' PROBLEMS!

6 Famous People Who Pissed Away a Fortune Stop- Bankruptcy Time!

Notable Comment: Gevaudan says "In my entire lifetime, I'll never make the amount of money Hammer spent on a gold toilet. Sigh." That's true. Like us, you'll have to settle for a gold bedpan. What are we, peasants?

YOU'VE GOT FAIL!

The 6 Most Disastrous Uses of Work Email Ever This article extensively discusses semen.

Notable Comment:Ttaylor wonders "Old Horse Fat...? I'm trying to make sense of that one...DOB, grand wizard of crackery, please explain the origins...and by explain, make it up so I can pass it along! I'm counting on you, sir." Very well. DOB, what've you got for us?

DOB: "Well, I'm not positive, but if I had to wager a guess I'd say Go fuck yourself." Terrific.

SEXAS CHAINSAW ASSACRE!

9 Awesome Places to Have Sex (And the Horrific Consequences) Sure, we published this list, but that's not gonna stop us from having sex in any of these places. Not for a second.

Notable Comment:Want to hear the sound of a hundred thousand internet nerds making up sexual conquests simultaneously? Check out the comments section!

SCIENCE IS BULLSHIT!

The 6 Ballsiest Scientific Frauds People Actually Fell For We've been painting mice for years, and we had no idea you could actually make money from it. We were just, you know...doing it.

Notable Comment:DoMe88 says "This is all well and good, but badmouth Two and a Half Men again, and so help me god I will rip your motherfucking balls off". Thank you" Geez, that was terrifying. We didn't mean to offend you, we promise, we won't make fun of Two and a Half Men ever again. Yeesh. We haven't seen anyone this angry since Charlie Sheen's agent said "I booked you a gig on a hip new TV show." Ka-Pow! No, but seriously, Two and a Half Men is a perfect show to watch, if you recently underwent major brain surgery, or if you hate yourself or are a cat. Pow Pow Pow! No, but in all honesty, Two and a Half Men is the shittiest thing on TV, even shittier than that time we literally pooped on our TV. Shittier than shit Ka-POW!

You want our balls Dome? Come and get them. Bring the industrial-sized wire cutters, motherfucker. WESTSIIIIIIIDE.

ERASEBOOK!

The 6 Most Obnoxious (And Unavoidable) Facebook Groups Erasebook, get it? Like...like erase facebook. Oh, go to hell, it's Saturday. We're tired.

Notable Comment:Jingram says ""currently nestled between a group dedicated to a non-speaking film character and one for racist Eagle fans." Actually, Figwit had a line in Return of the King. Really cracked.com....did you think you'd get away with such a shameless lie when your viewership is almost exclusively nerds?" You know, we just want to hold out hope that maybe our readership consists of attractive, intelligent, successful people. Do you have to take that away from us?

YOU YOU YOU!

20 Ways They Could Make the Debates Actually Worth Watching We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about: How to Stay in Business After the Economic Meltdown.

10.16.08:

That's why you should call a doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours.
by jpj420

Editor's pick:

There once was a man named Brock

Who swallowed Flint and Lock

He ran really fast

After burning his ass

And Sparks shot out of his Cock

10.15.08:

Tom Cruise is the only one allowed to speak directly with L. Ron Hubbard.
by technotard

Editor's pick:

"Cunninglus Hero" is now available in an arcade near you!
by DerWaffleHaus

10.14.08:

You idiot! I said get a Station Wagon... WAGON.
by GaseousClay

Editor's pick:

That's just his bait. You don't even want to know what he's trying to catch.
by jrsduck

10.13.08:

The Six-Dollar Man.
by SamLowery

Editor's pick:

Tim Burton's Pinnochio
by BaronSamedi

10.12.08:

Japanese presidential debates are so much better than the ones we have in America.
by technobot

Editor's pick:

This is why schools need bullies.
by beatcamel

10.11.08:

On second thought I think I'll walk to school
by isles147

Editor's pick:

Pope my Ride
by iantendo

10.10.08:

Controversial street theatre piece ' The American Taxpayer '
by Gillespie

Editor's pick:

Who wants to get fucked by the 90's?
by lostinchitown