6 Famous Unsolved Mysteries (With Really Obvious Solutions)
The world is a magical place, full of mysteries science may never understand. It's also full of bullshit that people just make up to draw attention to themselves.
At the heart of pretty much every "paranormal" phenomenon you find some lonely, attention-seeking soul, or several of them, willing to put a spooky little twist on an otherwise boring story. But it usually doesn't take a whole lot of examination to find the truth.
For instance...
#6.
The Dyatlov Pass Incident
On February 2nd, 1959, during the cold winter on Kholat Syakhl ("Mountain of the Dead") in Russia, nine intrepid ski hikers decided to do what they do best, which is ski hike, whatever the hell that is. On February 26th, the first of their very dead bodies turned up. Man, who would have thought such a tragedy could strike on "The Mountain of the Dead?"
Image courtesy of Noah Scalin
It probably didn't look like this, but can you imagine?
But it was the discovery of the campgrounds that added the icing to the creepy-as-fuck cake. The ski hikers' tent was shredded. The skiers were scattered around the grounds wearing either very sparse clothing or just their underwear. Three of them were found with crushed ribs and fractured skulls, but no visible defense marks or other signs of a struggle.
Oh yeah, and one of the bodies was missing a tongue.
In case you weren't already on the phone with Mulder and Scully, trace levels of radiation were supposedly found on their bodies. The official statement on what happened was about as vague and ass-covering as possible, saying it was caused by an "unknown compelling force." In laymen's terms this means, "fuck if we know."
The story has become an internet sensation over the years, with many people blaming aliens, and then ghosts, and then the yeti, or possibly all of them working in tandem.
"So we're agreed then: We tear up their tents, take a lady's tongue, and never tell a soul."
The Obvious Answer:
So there's six things that freak people out about this one:
1. The no-tongued woman
2. A mysterious orange tan on the dead bodies
3. The ripped tents
4. The hikers' lack of clothing
5. The crushing damage done to three of the hikers
6. The traces of radioactivity
The big fact that gets lost in the re-telling of this story is that the bodies weren't found until weeks later. It's not like somebody turned their back, then five minutes later all their friends were dead and half naked.
That makes the missing tongue a lot easier to explain. As disturbing as it may be, the first thing a scavenging animal is going to go for is probably the soft tissue of an open mouth, especially if it still smelled like the burrito the hiker just ate. Laying out in the sun surrounded by white snow for days also accounts for the weird tan.
The trauma and the destroyed tent points to an avalanche. Their state of undress can be explained by paradoxical undressing, a known behavior of hypothermia victims when their brains start to freeze and malfunction. In other words, it's the kind of behavior you'd expect from a group of injured avalanche victims wandering around in the middle of the night in the freezing cold.
What about the radioactivity? Or stranger details that turn up in some accounts, like orange lights in the sky? Well, there's the fact that none of that stuff turns up in the original documents from the incident, and appears to have been added later by people who just can't resist making things spookier than they are.
It's those later accounts that have stuck in the public memory, because so many of the original reports were destroyed (this was the Cold War-era Soviet Union, which treated casserole recipes as state secrets).
So none of the details on their own prove anything other than a tragic hiking accident. The conspiracy-loving public widely reject this, too busy lighting their torches and getting their pitchforks to go hunt down an, "unknown compelling force."
Otherwise known as "snow."
#5.
The Lost Roanoke Colony
The Roanoke Colony was either the first permanent settlement in America, or an elaborate practical joke. Walter Raleigh sent the colonists there and then left them without supplies for three years, perhaps just to see what would happen.
What he probably didn't expect was for the colony to just vanish. When new settlers finally arrived, none of the original colony remained at the settlement (except for the old skeleton of one guy) and the mysterious word "Croatan" was carved into a tree, right under, "Metallica Rules".
So, was it a UFO abduction? Perhaps the colonists were held in some kind of suspended animation and are still being anally probed to this very day.
The Obvious Answer:
That second group of settlers didn't really get the chance to investigate what happened to the original bunch, because a few years later an even bigger mysterious phenomena occurred: Blue-eyed, pale-complexioned Indians began showing up on nearby Croatan Island.
So what to make of these mysterious children, who looked like they might have been the descendents of white/Indian mixed race parents? On CROATAN island?
It's almost as if, we don't know, a certain group of settlers realized their colony sucked, and went and found some natives nearby who seemed to know how to live off the land. And that they then left their shitty colony forever to go live happily ever after on Croatan Island, and to have impressive amounts of sex with the natives.
"Hey, like the nearby island. Whatever, I'm sure that's just a coincidence."
#4.
The Hopkinsville Goblin Case
In 1955, members of the Sutton family were out on their porch enjoying a relaxing visit/drinking binge with their good friend Billy Ray Taylor. Billy Ray decided to go out and get a drink of water from the well, when shit started getting weird.
He ran back in to tell everyone he'd seen some bright lights in the sky and that everyone should come look. According to one member of the Sutton clan, upon stepping outside the Suttons-plus-one encountered:
"... a luminous, three-and-a-half-foot-tall being with an oversized head, big, floppy, pointed ears, glowing eyes, and hands with talons at their ends. The figure, either made of or simply dressed in silvery metal, had its hands raised."
After seeing these figures coming out of the woods, showing the universal sign of surrender, the Suttons did the only thing they could do: try to kill their asses.
As they shot at the defenseless creatures with rifles, they claim to have heard clangs and ricochets as if the aliens were wearing some kind of metal armor. They said the aliens "flipped over and fled into the darkness when shot at."
The Obvious Answer:
This is a sketch of one of the aliens.
This is a great horned owl.
Look at the head of the "creature" then look at the head of the owl. Now, get really, really drunk. We're talking "mid-1950s rural Kentucky" drunk.
Ufologist Renaud Leclet admitted, "It could be a misidentification of a pair of Great horned owls, which are nocturnal, fly silently, have yellow eyes, and aggressively defend their nests."
Oh, and that sound of metal clanging and ricochets during the shooting? Get drunk and shoot towards a target in front of your tin chicken coup.
So it's either that, or there may still be an interstellar invasion force on the way to retaliate.
God, that picture of the horse is so creepy...
ReplyMy stepfather worked in the Canadian Navy. He went several time in the Bermuda triangle and said it's perfectly calm and normal.
ReplyDid you check scars and this kind of stuff, he is most probably an impostor.
The Dyatlov Pass incident:
ReplyThe 9 hikers happened to walk inside a secret nuclear labratory. Why would they otherwise make a death of 9 hikers a secret anyway?
First, the people ran away from the tent. Why would they do that? Think. If there was 1 or 2 attackers, the hikers would of course attack back. Also, if they SAW something, the others would have opened the entrence of the tent to look who was out there. No, they actually heard something. They heard the fuckload of military coming towards their tent, so they had to rip open the tent with a knife and run away. Later they only removed the footprints of the military, did some things with the corpses(probably molest it with uranium) and then made it look like alien attack. To make monie$$$$.
That seems possible, but highly unlikely.
I dont know the solution for the 9 hikers, however you have clearly not done your research, as they ripped their tents from the inside in order to escape and ran about 1 kilometer from the site before they died of hypothermia. Also it was only a few days befre they were found, and there had been no snowfall as you could still see their footsteps, and the snow around their bodies was untouched, ruling out animals. Also their skin was not only orane, but wrinkled and their hair had greyed. Experts said that they had prematurley aged. Now i have no idea what caused it, but i dont think that your theory is correct due to your lack of correct eviddence.
ReplyLOL, this guy is another moron that thinks he can explain everything. He has absolutely no experience in any of the subjects he talks about unlike the others. They were actually schooled, no what there doing, and have first hand accounts of the cases... Get over it man you can't explain everything in this world. Why is that so hard for some stone headed people to get over lol..... Oh and just because you spent 5 minutes on each of these stories doesn't mean you solved them "LOL". They've been mysteries for decades and in some cases centuries obviously for a reason.
ReplyWhy are you an asshole? And what's upwith the Lols?
My guess for #6 is that the Soviets conducted a nuclear test near enough to that area for the unfortunate hikers to be caught in the blast. It would certainly be a "compelling force," and would also account for the ripped tents/clothes, radiation, burns, and lack of an extra avalanche-caused layer of snow on top of the bodies.
ReplyMy theory is similar, except with nerve gas rather than a nearby nuclear test. At one point I was bored enough to go and read the site that contains all of the details, and most of the details are perfectly explicable except for a few: what could have caused all of the experienced, sensible, veteran hikers to simultaneously panic and rip their way out of the tent with knives and run out into the night in their underwear? All of their subsequent behavior showed a return to sanity: they rendezvoused at the bottom of the hill and began trying to make survival preparations (going for firewood, stripping the clothes off their frozen buddies' bodies to warm themselves, etc) but for some inexplicable reason either could not or would not return to their tent site.
Hang on, new theory: one of the hikers had massively, /massively/ bad gas that night.
Sasquatch. Has to be.
... if your solutions are so obvious, why are the mysteries still unsolved? A lot of these hypotheses seemed to be doing mental gymnastics to reach the conclusions drawn.
Replyto quote Calvin and Hobbes: "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the univers is that none of it has tried to contact us."
ReplyThis whole thing makes me chuckle. Then reading the comments make me realize just how dumb the human race is. I can't help but to say that most of you are stupid. I read most of this as a hypothesis not fact. Some of you will read it as fact, others will read it as this guy is stupid.
ReplyFor those of you who took this as fact? I will tell you a fact right now. My s**t smells like roses. Sure, most of you think I am wrong, but that is just my opinion. This person has failed to inform me any legitimate information. Or I guess an easier way of saying; a Bibliography. (I know that is a big word, and doesn't seem to exist on most articles). No interviews with the people who lived it, just a sad judgement or racist look on the people who lived it. As go for UFO's? UFO's do NOT mean Alien. lol. But I will agree usually most people think of it like that. I have talked to a retired U.S. Air Force personnel, and they have told me stories of other planes/ships that have flown faster then their jets. And I mean a speed that a human could NOT endure. And when reported they would ignore the report and not say anything more on the subject. Yes, of course it could be billions and billions of reasons for that un-known vehicle. But he still called it a UFO. ...Shocker.
As goes for the people who believe it is Aliens? Your just as easy. I mean to be honest most of the people have already said it. It's not always Aliens.
I mean it could be Big Foot too.
Just remember 25 years ago they deemed it was IMPOSSIBLE, I mean PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to have a wireless mobile device that you could communicate with people almost anywhere in the world. Now most people can't live with out it.
Nothing is Impossible.
The Starchild part seemed a bit.. Forced. But hey, I'm no scientist. As a matter of fact, I could agree on basically all of the above, but not the Bermuda triangle arguments. I just don't think it's quite that simple. Entertaining article, though.
ReplySome of these are actually logical, but some of these are obviously written by someone ignorant. Who says out of the whole damn universe we're the only planet with life? The first bermuda triangle picture doesn't make sense, although that one is logical. How could an avalanche disappear? There's some of these that is just some ignorant author trying to make people not think that there's something greater out there, but some of these are actual smart thinking.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesPlus, you can tell the people before me are your followers because every comment like mine has been thumbed down.
K, thanks, bye.
there not saying we're the only ones with life, but the other life forms are to damned far away to get to us
Or that life from other planets would not necessarily look like us, since they would have evolved under totally different conditions and their bodies would have adjusted accordingly. They're not saying aliens don't exist-- just that people are too quick to jump to that idea without looking at other explanations.
I have read an argument at one point detailing that intelligent life forms would probably look like us at least to the extent of displaying bilateral symmetry and limb mobility. I wasn't really convinced, though. Life comes in enough bizarre shapes here on earth, why assume that any other planets would be any less bizarre?
They forgot tomention that the starchild skull is denser than a normal skull. Oh, and that there are big fibers reenforcing the bone. Which really, really should not happen. (I dont think it can happen, anyway.)
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesYou do realize that, having a really big skull like that in the first place isn't supposed to happen? WELL DURR, ITS CALLED GENETIC MUTATION! basically that mom must have either been really unlucky, or had been having a hell of a lot of drugs.
Its the size of a baby's head. They naturally have giant heads. Drugs can't account for the random fibers and abnormal bone thickness, nor the strangely made eye sockets, which are built in suh a way that would severely restrict peripheral vision.
yuy168: Drugs? Really? Which drugs are these 900 years ago? At least what kind of drugs that could effect the the formation of a babies skull in such a way? Crack babies (Charming, I know) are born on a daily basis and they aren't born like that.
Yes because we know EVERYTHING about ancient humans don't we? Those strange bones in the ground must be the bones of giants. People have never been born with 2 heads or multiple limbs
I just want to say that it's most likely not related to drugs(if it is, then I just hope that no one uses them ever again. Sure, drugs like Thalidomide cause mutations, but there would probably have to be a lot of mutations to make the Starchild.)
The eye sockets are abnormally shallow, and the optic nerve opening is not at the back of the head, but at the side(by the nose). The bone itself is twice as dense as normal bone, interwoven with incredibly strong fibers. If the skull is reconstructed, it doesn't look quite right from an anatomical standpoint.
But all of these replies are basically pointing to "a human child, but a massively deformed one." Ever been to the mutter museum? Strange, strange things can happen when gestation goes wrong. It's sad, but hardly proof of alien visitation.
Also, in regards to Hopkinsville, you're pretty quick to dismiss the fact that:
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesPolice officers and military officials also saw lights in the sky that same night
The family dog completely freaked out and refused to come out until day break, Even if the Sutton family was under the influence of 'shine, their dog saw something that really frightened it.
Like a pair of large predatory birds aggressively defending their nest, it's owners freaking out, and the noise of gunfire on metal? That wouldn't freak out a dog?
There are frequently lights in the sky. Usually they are stars, the moon, satellites, aircraft, tall streetlights or floodlights, at certain latitudes the Northern or Southern Lights, and sometimes similar looking phenomena can occur at much lower latitudes: I can't remember what it is that causes them, but they look rather cool.
My dog freaks out if you drop a pen. So that could have just been one wuss of a dog.
or the dog was in the hooch too....dogs love booze if your drinkin it too!
Aliens only tend to go to areas out of the way with stupid people living there. They don't tend to touch down in an area where people go; "Hm.... I bet there is an explanation for this." But hey, we've got a crudely drawn sketch so what do we know?
s**t in my mouth.
ReplyPIIISSS OUT MY ASSSS.
For the Roanoke thing - I believe they did go to Croatan. They didn't find anything there.
ReplyGotta admit, when I saw thepic of Cthulhu, and the caption you picked for him, my first that was "Nope! Chuck Testa."
ReplyYeah The Dyatlov thing kinda pissed me off, it was way off the mark and there hasn't been any proof regarding what really happened there. The rest of them are kinda lame, and ending with the Bermuda Triangle. Seriously. How many times are cracked writers going to pretend they haven't run out if ideas for lists and are just rehashing them under slightly different titles?
ReplyI'm going to sound like a jackass when I say this, and maybe it's an indication of the sort of jackass I am to admit that I'm going to be one by pronouncing something yet not exercising the proper discretion by withholding it. And now it's going to feel like a little eep at the end of a burning fuse, considering the build-up... But you misspelled "research" in your "Paranormal Researchn Department" picture in number two.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesGrammar Nazi!!!
zieg heil!!
I actually think that was intentional. Researching Department. "Researchn". Also, "like a little eep at the end of a burning fuse". Funny.
The world's oceans are known to contain large pockets of methane.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWhen a methane bubble reaches the surface it creates enough turbulence to sink a ship.
When the methane cloud is in the air, a plane flies though it. The methane is lighter than the air around it giving the altimeter a false reading of ascending, so the pilot pushes the nose of the plane down causing it to ditch.
Also, large amounts of methane are known to stall airplane engines
I remember reading something about this. It's good to know that the bermuda triangle can be explained away by the earth's oceans farting.
HEY who farted in the water oh its just earth crack the windows
I think good portions of these methane reservoirs are actually "frozen" due to the extreme pressure at depth.
The methane theory fits except for a couple of facts:
1) Many attributed disappearances never actaully happened (they were of ships that authors made up)
2) Many of the ones who did disappear are entirely explainable (the famous training flight? yeah it was a training flight that had a compass malfunction and ran out of gas not that unusual)
3) In fact the number of real disappearances over the triangle is if anything a little low given the ammount of ocean we're talking about. If theres any mystery its why odn't more shipss and planes vanish there?
Looks like someone got drunk and decided to write a cracked article again! oh youuu ;)
Reply