Some people watch Wile E Coyote strap himself to a giant rocket and say, "Why?" Inventors watch the same thing and say, "Why not?"
This is a tribute to the brave dreamers and engineers who are working hard to bring to market the kind of products previously only found in cartoons and ACME catalogs. Such as...
5The Suction Cup Wall-Climbing Apparatus
In the past, anyone wishing to scale a wall for purposes of thievery or unintentionally hilarious suicide had to do it the old-fashioned way: strapping toilet plungers to their limbs. The folks at Gekkomat have taken us into a future that not only improves exponentially on the plunger device, but may also bring a series of spectacular and comedic deaths into the world.
The device was supposedly inspired by the gecko, whose climbing ability the company wanted to duplicate "as naturally as possible." By "naturally", they mean with four huge vacuum pads, a computer and a big tank of compressed air.
This gecko is only able to adhere to this tree by means of a hidden air tank and a computer.
The Gekkomat is an awesome concept, no doubt, but the makers themselves have difficulty explaining its usefulness. The website suggests it could be used as a lifesaving device, or just for any old time when you need to scale a big wall. They stop short of saying "to steal stuff or look at naked women."
The Gekkomat can hold up to a ton of weight (like if you want to steal a grand piano from a penthouse apartment, we guess), but is probably only meant for quick smash and grab jobs. Why? The tank only holds enough air for about 30 minutes of climbing.
Built-in sensors let you know when errors have occured and, says Gekkomat, "alternatives to solve the situation are offered by the computer."
Called Gasoline Skating Shoes, these babies are just what they sound like: skates powered by fuel. The skates operate with a handheld throttle, and an engine and fuel tank are handily strapped to the right skate.
Oh, yeah! Ain't nothin' that can go wrong with that!
Notice that the gas-powered engine only actually propels one foot, momentum ostensibly dragging the other one along for the ride. The kind of experts who are paid big money to point out obvious things have warned that they could cause injury or death. The inherent dangers of careening down streets with a flammable tank on your ankle aside, the inventors left out a crucial feature: the brakes.
Not to worry, though. The fact that the gas tank is made out of plastic means you would most likely be consumed in a fiery explosion anyway, negating the need to stop. Death tends to relieve those sorts of petty concerns.
Seconds later, this soccer Mom was a charred pile of flesh.
The safety experts themselves were afraid to even test the skates, most likely taking a glance, writing "Looks pretty dangerous" on a clipboard, and breaking for lunch. The skates are now illegal just about everywhere, which probably just convinced many of you to try them.
They can supposedly be found on the internet and wherever shady, dangerous things are sold. So maybe you can in fact be a part of the second-dumbest thing involving skates in history.
Roller Disco: Still #1.