7 Classic Kid's TV Shows Clearly Conceived on (Bad) Acid

#3. The Wuzzles

Behold The Wuzzles, Mother Nature's tragic mishaps:

What The Hell Were They Thinking?

Without explanation or background information, viewers are presented with hybrid freak animals that seemed to have arrived at their unholy state by twirling themselves together. No explanation, mind you, just an insistent "We're the Wuzzles!" repeated over and over.

And these so-called Wuzzles seem to live happily on an island that popped up out of nowhere (we're betting Hell) where they carry one another in their unholy kangaroo pouches and get sat on by the donkey/hippopotamus/morbidly obese rabbit creature.

The unfortunate thing on the bottom? It's half moose, half harp seal. His lower half is dragged around on a cart of half wagon, half wheelchair.

As disturbing as it is to see animals bred haphazardly through twirling, we defy any child, anywhere in the world, at any time, to watch this show and not picture a lion trying to hump a bumble bee.

Look at the bear. The one who's part flower. What toddler sees that and doesn't immediately picture that dude's mom stuffing flowers into her vagina? How else could this misshapen horror come about?


Gregor Mendel doesn't know.

#2. The Banana Splits

They are coming for your children in the most zany way possible. Thus the sound effects and laugh-track.

What The Hell Were They Thinking?

Part of what made the 70s the TMRDTC was the fact that everyone thought variety shows were hilarious and entertaining. Anyone with middle parted hair and a brother/husband/lover to exchange witty banter with got their own good-time hour. It wasn't long before the leisure-suited studio executives came to the following perfectly logical conclusion: If the good people of America are entertained by real-life humans lip synching songs and telling Hee-Haw type one-liners, why not dress up humans in animal costumes to do the same?

After alarmingly large doses of LSD, the Banana Splits were born.


Sargeant Pepper's Furry Nightmare.

Besides the obvious question of how these creatures with non-opposable thumbs can even play their instruments, it's the subtle little touches that make these guys extra unsettling.

Look at the lion's mouth. WHY IS IT STITCHED SHUT?

What the hell? Did the lion do that to himself, while strung out on meth? Did the band do it to him as a practical joke while he was passed out in a pool of his own vomit?

To make it even worse, if that were possible, these freaks have the audacity to invade a theme park! Which is where the children are!

We're telling you right now: if ever a bunch of furries invade our favorite theme park, we'll shoot to kill.

#1. The Tomorrow People

The future's so bright, it'll melt your brain:

What The Hell Were They Thinking?

It's Heroes, but with kids. Normal kids are born to normal humans, but then begin displaying extraordinary powers. The new evolved humans belong to a race called Homo Superiors. Seriously.


Superior Homos who are soooo not interested
in the boobs on the table. Except maybe the black girl.

So after the super future-fonted titles explode into chaos, we get a trippy hand that invites us to share in the world of Homo Superiors. This is a world populated with rapidly approaching floating fetuses...

...weird PVC pipe structures...

ambiguous galaxy looking thingys, pretty dahlias, and bell peppers. Futuristic bell peppers, so it all makes sense.

The entire sequence takes us on a journey to a realm where all rules of logic and rationality are suspended, as if everything we know and love has been eaten by the devil and farted back into our faces. It's like the scary boat ride in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, where things keep getting stranger and stranger until you suddenly see a chicken get decapitated.

You know what we're talking about.

For shows that don't even have acid as an excuse, check out The 5 Most Baffling Spin-Offs in Television History. Or if regular TV isn't crazy enough for you, please meet his deranged brother in The 7 Most Insane Moments from Cable Access TV.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

400 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!