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7 College Scholarships That Require Absolutely No Talent

Paying for college is hard. Sure, there are scholarships out there, but you've got to be some kind of great athlete or genius, right?

Not necessarily. Lucky for you, there are groups who have scholarship money sitting around that they pretty much give out just for the hell of it. Who knows, maybe you qualify for...

#7.
The Tall Club Scholarship

Do you hit your head on ceiling fans? Are people constantly asking if you play basketball? Then this scholarship is for you. Before you know it you'll be ducking under the doorways to the best colleges money can buy (for a thousand dollars, anyway).

How Can You Get It?

You have to be a male, at least 6'2'' or a female at least 5'10'. We're not sure if they measure you or make you get something off a really tall shelf or what.

Though looking at their requirements up there, is 6'2" really considered so freakishly tall as to be debilitating? An average-sized dude with really tall hair would qualify. Do they take that into account?

Also, you do have to write an essay titled, "what being tall means to me." There is no minimum for the amount of words in the essay, because the tall club realizes that being tall isn't a skill and it should probably mean nothing to you, except for possibly having to shop at a special store for your clothes and the ability to intimidate anybody who tries to drive the lane.

#6.
The Van Valkenburg Memorial Scholarship

Are you sick of people making fun of your last name? Do you wish you could shove it back in their faces? Oh, also, does your last name happen to be Van Valkenburg?

Well if you apply for the Van Valkenburg Memorial Scholarship you could be a thousand bucks closer to a college education.

How Can You Get It?

It's simple, just have the last name, you guessed it, Van Valkenburg, or a slight variation thereof. Vern Valkenhurg is perfectly acceptable apparently. That's right, no special talent required, you just have to have the name.

Wait, can you just change your name to that and collect the money? No, we checked. It seems this was set up for descendents of a specific family (Lambert and Annetje Van Valkenburg) who came to America in 1643. And descendents of their spouses. And, just for the hell of it, descendents of anybody else who, by pure coincidence, happen to have that same name.

What if you're a female Van Valkenburg but have already gotten married and changed the name? What if your real name is Terrance Van Valkenburg, but you're known by your rapper name, T-Pain?


Van Valkenburg, about to make it rain.

Well, we guess you'll have to explain that in the required 500-word essay, where you talk about how awesome it is to be a Van Valkenburg and why you deserve to be paid for it.

#5.
The Frederick and Mary F. Beckley Scholarship

Fredrick and Mary F. Beckley suffered something that no human being should be made to suffer, cursed from birth as if crushed by the boot of fate itself. That's right, they were left handed.

But, fortunately they survived their curse and now are reaching out to help others via a scholarship for those with the same affliction.

How Can You Get It?

You have to be a student of Juniata college in Huntington, Pennsylvania, and also be left handed. Two students will get it, and once more we're not quite sure how they test it. Do they tie your right hand behind your back and see if you can still catch a baseball hurled at your face? What if you're ambidextrous? Those lucky ambidextrous bastards shouldn't be allowed to get it, should they?

We don't see where this one requires an essay, but if it does you'd better not let them catch you writing that shit with your right hand.

#4.
The Duck Brand Duct Tape Scholarship

Duck brand Duct Tape can be used for anything. Tape a duct? Duct tape. Makeshift lint roller? Duct tape. Horrible open wound? Duct tape. Make a ridiculous article of clothing in order to win a scholarship? Duct tape.

How Can You Get It?

Design a full male and female prom ensemble out of duct tape. The best one wins a $6,000 scholarship. The only downside is that horrible sticky residue that stays on even after you have ripped off all of your skin.

Though, looking at the incredibly elaborate outfits previous winners made, we'd have to think that the minimum requirement here is several hundred dollars' worth of tape and several months of work. So you couples out there, don't think you can just wander in with the girl looking like Leeloo from The Fifth Element and the guy wearing nothing but a new roll of tape hung around his erect penis. That shit ain't gonna fly.

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