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6 Great Martial Arts for Killing a Man With Your Bare Hands
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Were you one of those guys who took Tae Kwon Do or Karate lessons as a kid? Did you learn to break little boards with your fist, and dream of becoming the baddest man on the planet? Well, consider your dreams shattered like so many bones. There are martial arts taught around the world that are designed to break people, not boards, and you've still got some learning to do, kid. Starting with... #6.
Sambo
Country of Origin: Russia Russia is a country with a history of diverse, if not incredibly numerous, invaders, having been attacked by the Mongols, the Huns, the French, and the Germans at one time or another. This meant the Russians had many chances to learn new ass-beating techniques, often using the martial arts from the last invader to crush the nuts of the next one. Over time the Russians developing a particularly brutal form of wrestling on the steppes. Then during the Communist Revolution of 1917, Russian martial artists decided that man-handling, joint tearing, and bone breaking just weren't good enough for the communist Soviet people, so they modified it into sambo, which, in Russian, is an acronym for "Self-Defense Without Weapons."
They originally taught it to the Red Army and government agents, but with crime on the rise, sambo has seen a lot of use by bodyguards, who added a few extra moves like "killing your attacker with his own knife, making him look like a giant douche in front of everybody." Sambo in Action: Here's a sambo training session with some old bald guy with balls bigger than our fists teaching students how to make anybody who assaults you with a knife feel outrageously stupid for a few seconds before they bleed out. We're pretty sure that on the street, the next move involves going ahead and tearing the dude's arm off. #5.
Muay Thai
Country of Origin: Thailand Like many countries in southeast Asia, Thailand has been violated more times than (tranny prostitute joke omitted for being too easy). So, like the Russians, they got lots of practice at punching people to death. Thus was born Muay Thai, a.k.a. The Art of Eight Limbs. Yeah, eight limbs. Muay Thai counts the knees and elbows as separate limbs and focuses on using those "limbs" as clubs, slamming the opponent with them as hard and often as possible. No, they don't dick around. While other martial arts have techniques called "Shifting Sands" and "Transposing Shadows," Muay Thai has techniques called "Throwing Buffalo Punch," which can take down a Buffalo in one hit. Yes, they were apparently invaded by buffaloes at some point.
The art is still practiced in Thailand today both as an awesome way of killing people and as a sport, complete with boxing gloves. However, padded fists don't help much when your opponent is breaking your face with his knees and elbows. And, while the story of Muay Thai fighters gluing broken glass to their hands is false, the wrappings they used before boxing gloves were about as soft as concrete and left deep cuts on the fighters. When boxing gloves were introduced, deaths in the ring were cut from "common" to "not common enough to be considered a crime against humanity." Muay Thai in Action: The most awesome story from Muay Thai comes from 1774 Burma, after the Burmese had taken Thailand (then called Siam). Nai Khanom Tom, a practitioner of Muay Thai was brought into the fighting ring so the king could see how it stood up against Lethwei, the Burmese martial art. Ten seconds into the opening match, his opponent resembled a pile of lumpy mashed potatoes and was likely crying like a little girl, right up until he got knocked the hell out by a flying knee.
However, the judge ruled that his pre-fight dance had "distracted" his opponent and overturned the knockout. Being the gentleman he was, Tom fought another nine Lethwei masters in a row with no rest until everybody stupid enough to step into the ring with him was quivering in a pool of blood, urine, and shame. In response to this, the king of Burma openly stated that Thai people had poisonous hands. Tom was given his freedom and offered a choice of a pile of cash or two hot wives. Tom basically said that money was easy to get, but hot pieces of tail didn't fall from the sky, and off he rode into the sunrise (not sunset, as Thailand is east of Burma), banging his hot wives the whole way. #4.
MCMAP
Country of Origin: United States No military in the world sees more action in more places than the United States Marine Corps. The average marine has been in at least two combat engagements per year since 1775. As a result, the Marine Corps' close combat program has been incorporating techniques from the various countries they've killed people in, culminating in the "Marine Corps Martial Arts Program," or "MCMAP." Among the marines themselves, though, it is known as 'Semper Fu,' which is a name even Max Fightmaster could be proud of. The modern program also teaches the use of improvised weapons, bayonets, and parts of the gun other than the bullets. MCMAP in Action: Before MCMAP came along, the marines had something called the LINE System (Linear Infighting Neural Override Engagement) which was invented in the 1980s. MCMAP was formed in 2001 because marines were increasingly being used in situations that didn't require them to kill their opponents, and that was the only thing LINE was good for. Now, when you use a MCMAP move on somebody, each move typically has the option to utterly destroy whatever body part you have in your hands or just put it in excruciating pain...or both, thus leading to a kinder, friendlier Marine Corps that only sometimes kills you.
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so...they smelt neurotoxins in those chris blades a? amazing! which neurotoxins would that be??
i studied the prerequisite to eskrima, which is arnis, as a PE class for college, never thought it would even be on this list. since we studied just the basics we never really got into unarmed combat we only learned a bit and we never got to learning to use knives and grapples. way cool to find the philippines mentioned here though....
BTW eskrima can take on a guy with a gun only not as efficiently as Krav maga.
Umm... yeah... It does mention LINE in the MCMAP section.
Ummm...yeah...did we miss the point about how all the countries with these martial arts (Except the USA! and our arch enemy Russia!) get their asses handed to them alot? Which is why they had to learn this whole fighting thing instead of just carpet bombing your enemy into submission like real men?
O.k. Maybe that's a little harsh, but it strikes me that if you have two guys and they both equally want to kill each other the guy with the gun drawn has the distinct advantage over the guy with the feet.
Oh, and hey, how come MCMAP is listed but LINE (the deadlier martial art) isn't?
"I'll kick all these guys asses.
with a pistol"
I take it you didn't pay much attention to the article on Krav Maga. Dummkopf. That s**t was invented as a way of kicking someone's ass when they have a gun and you don't.
In fact, I'll bet any of the guys in this article could beat the s**t out of you and your pistol. Fun fact: Chuck Norris (that's right, Chuck Norris) was actually called up to testify for the defense in a manslaughter case, and he proved succinctly that, at a distance of ten feet, a Tae Kwon Do black belt can kick your teeth in about three seconds faster than you can c**k and fire a pistol.
If you don't believe me, look it up.
P.S.: Your username is LAME.
You damn right about Krav Maga. There's no art about it, it's survival in one of the most hostile places on the planet.
I have only been training in uechi ryu for around 2 years, and looking at some of the openings that the guys boxing with muay thai, I don't really think that they were professionals. uechi ryu is supposed to be especialy weak against most of these styles, but if I'm going to be novices like in these videos then I would not fear them much at all.
origin country of SILAT is comefrom INDONESIA http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silat
"not common enough to be considered a crime against humanity." best quote ever
RobertsTheVile,
I encourage you to watch the UFC fight (think it was 2, but not sure) where Royce Gracie fights some kung fu guy. Spoiler: Gracie breaks his arm in about 30 seconds.
What? The new Marine Corps training is meant to be non-lethal? Why in the video do they show the guy stabbing the other in the back?
Well, I didn't train in this newfangled fighting style. I trained LINE baby. So when you meet me on the street you know that I trained in the style that was meant simply to kill you, not slow you. Of course I can't do s**t with it and it's been over 10 years since I trained it. But at least you know that I have it. It just might be somewhere inside me waiting like a sleeping drunken tiger ready to pounce. OORAH!
I'll kick all these guys asses.
with a pistol
Um, where's Shaolin Kung-Fu on this list? You know - The martial art that is practically the very origin of most other martial arts...I guess being around 2,000 years old doesn't count for anything.
None of these styles work if the students that use them suck. In the end, a skilled fight of any style will beat a crappy fight of any style. There is only so many ways to kick and/or punch someone, so in most martial art the basics are the same.
And Saying that karate or taekwondo sucks is just plain stupid. Making that kind of statemants about such large styles with so many diffrent understyles is stupid in itself.
There are teakwondo sttles who use training methodes simalir to those used by thai-fighter and there's Kyoshinkhai karate which in a way is even harder then thatfighting (fullcontakt without gloves but blows agains the head is forbidden)
In the end, all major styles are pretty much equal, and you should just train the things that are fun to train.
177 comments and only one mention of ninjitsu? And a demeaning one at that! I took it for about a year, it was the most bad ass thing I'd ever learned. We always worked on the fundamentals, shouto (what some call the "karate chop," only it actually can knock your ass out if you do it right) gyaku (arm and wrist locks) different stances, weapons techniques, disarm techniques etc. There was only one kick that was considered an "acceptable risk," if you've ever seen police kick down a door or if you've seen the new version of Longest Yard where the luchador kicks the guy in the face without leaning back, that's the kick, you pretty much step on their chest, and try to stand on it, the intended target tends to at the very least get out of your way.
Where the hell is shaq fu?
And there it is: the Bruce Lee reference. Now don't get me wrong, Bruce was a great martial artist. But sometimes I wonder if people think he was the best because of his movies... I mean there is most likely alot of people better at wushu than him, that don't make movies but they don't get much attention. Personally, I'd rather take lessons from someone who is famous for their knowledge in the martial arts, rather than someone who does it in movies... Again, don't get me wrong: I know Bruce Lee taught a bunch of students and was an awesome teacher and even created his own style. Weird thing is, no matter how politically correct I try to be in expressing my opinion: someone is going to accuse me of Bruce Lee bashing or something like that. If not, then my reverse psychology worked.
"Escrima is only really useful if you carry around a pair of escrima sticks everywhere you go."
If the only thing you know about escrima is the sticks, then you don't know very much about it. Escrima is much more than just stickfighting. Try doing a little research before you make a comment like that one.
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drew081886
Hehe...horizontal butt stroke...hehe.