6 Great Martial Arts for Killing a Man With Your Bare Hands
|
Were you one of those guys who took Tae Kwon Do or Karate lessons as a kid? Did you learn to break little boards with your fist, and dream of becoming the baddest man on the planet? Well, consider your dreams shattered like so many bones. There are martial arts taught around the world that are designed to break people, not boards, and you've still got some learning to do, kid. Starting with... #6.
Sambo
Country of Origin: Russia Russia is a country with a history of diverse, if not incredibly numerous, invaders, having been attacked by the Mongols, the Huns, the French, and the Germans at one time or another. This meant the Russians had many chances to learn new ass-beating techniques, often using the martial arts from the last invader to crush the nuts of the next one. Over time the Russians developed a particularly brutal form of wrestling on the steppes. Then during the Communist Revolution of 1917, Russian martial artists decided that man-handling, joint tearing, and bone breaking just weren't good enough for the communist Soviet people, so they modified it into sambo, which, in Russian, is an acronym for "Self-Defense Without Weapons."
They originally taught it to the Red Army and government agents, but with crime on the rise, sambo has seen a lot of use by bodyguards, who added a few extra moves like "killing your attacker with his own knife, making him look like a giant douche in front of everybody." Sambo in Action: Here's a sambo training session with some old bald guy with balls bigger than our fists teaching students how to make anybody who assaults you with a knife feel outrageously stupid for a few seconds before they bleed out. We're pretty sure that on the street, the next move involves going ahead and tearing the dude's arm off. #5.
Muay Thai
Country of Origin: Thailand Like many countries in southeast Asia, Thailand has been violated more times than (tranny prostitute joke omitted for being too easy). So, like the Russians, they got lots of practice at punching people to death. Thus was born Muay Thai, a.k.a. The Art of Eight Limbs. Yeah, eight limbs. Muay Thai counts the knees and elbows as separate limbs and focuses on using those "limbs" as clubs, slamming the opponent with them as hard and often as possible. No, they don't dick around. While other martial arts have techniques called "Shifting Sands" and "Transposing Shadows," Muay Thai has techniques called "Throwing Buffalo Punch," which can take down a Buffalo in one hit. Yes, they were apparently invaded by buffaloes at some point.
The art is still practiced in Thailand today both as an awesome way of killing people and as a sport, complete with boxing gloves. However, padded fists don't help much when your opponent is breaking your face with his knees and elbows. And, while the story of Muay Thai fighters gluing broken glass to their hands is false, the wrappings they used before boxing gloves were about as soft as concrete and left deep cuts on the fighters. When boxing gloves were introduced, deaths in the ring were cut from "common" to "not common enough to be considered a crime against humanity." Muay Thai in Action: The most awesome story from Muay Thai comes from 1774 Burma, after the Burmese had taken Thailand (then called Siam). Nai Khanom Tom, a practitioner of Muay Thai was brought into the fighting ring so the king could see how it stood up against Lethwei, the Burmese martial art. Ten seconds into the opening match, his opponent resembled a pile of lumpy mashed potatoes and was likely crying like a little girl, right up until he got knocked the hell out by a flying knee.
However, the judge ruled that his pre-fight dance had "distracted" his opponent and overturned the knockout. Being the gentleman he was, Tom fought another nine Lethwei masters in a row with no rest until everybody stupid enough to step into the ring with him was quivering in a pool of blood, urine, and shame. In response to this, the king of Burma openly stated that Thai people had poisonous hands. Tom was given his freedom and offered a choice of a pile of cash or two hot wives. Tom basically said that money was easy to get, but hot pieces of tail didn't fall from the sky, and off he rode into the sunrise (not sunset, as Thailand is east of Burma), banging his hot wives the whole way. #4.
MCMAP
Country of Origin: United States No military in the world sees more action in more places than the United States Marine Corps. The average marine has been in at least two combat engagements per year since 1775. As a result, the Marine Corps' close combat program has been incorporating techniques from the various countries they've killed people in, culminating in the "Marine Corps Martial Arts Program," or "MCMAP." Among the marines themselves, though, it is known as 'Semper Fu,' which is a name even Max Fightmaster could be proud of. The modern program also teaches the use of improvised weapons, bayonets, and parts of the gun other than the bullets. MCMAP in Action: Before MCMAP came along, the marines had something called the LINE System (Linear Infighting Neural Override Engagement) which was invented in the 1980s. MCMAP was formed in 2001 because marines were increasingly being used in situations that didn't require them to kill their opponents, and that was the only thing LINE was good for. Now, when you use a MCMAP move on somebody, each move typically has the option to utterly destroy whatever body part you have in your hands or just put it in excruciating pain...or both, thus leading to a kinder, friendlier Marine Corps that only sometimes kills you.
|
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Del.icio.us
FarkRecommended for Your Pleasure
-
11 Obnoxious Characters From Every Fantasy Football Draft
by: Jeff Kelly, Sean McGrane130,278 views -
7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built
by: Matthew Kimble1,096,164 views -
6 Insane Sports Stories That Will Make You Believe In Curses
by: Matthew Hayden497,906 views -
Anatomy of a Soccer Player
by: Dominic Gudgeon100,058 views
pencak silat origin from indonesia. it is important to criticism because many thing from indonesia such as traditional dance, folk song, island in border line, traditional musical instrument, food and etc are claimed by malaysia.
u could check in any historical centre. so I ask you to correct this misunderstanding in order not to be prolonged
Dude seriuosly! pencak silat origin are from Indonesia, not malaysia.
Pencak silat is term for the Indonesian fighting styles. It was a compound of the two most commonly used words for martial arts in Indonesia.
- Pencak was the term used in central and east Java.
- silat was used in Sumatra.
In modern usage, pencak and silat are seen as being two aspects of the same practice. Pencak is the performance aspects of the martial art, while silat is the essence of the fighting and self-defense."
also weapon known as kris(keris), is Indonesian traditional weapon too. Keris are a traditional weapon from java culture brought to malaysia when majapahit kingdom rules among south east asia.
why Malaysia always claim Indonesian traditional art and culture :(
hey.. WTF....
Pencak Silat From INDONESIA not Malaysia... damn....
TOD Lah.....
Thank god there's an army of slow moving, punch telegraphing, people out there to practice against!
I though Kendo was one of the most lethal martial arts. Incredible speed with one of the sharpest swords on earth=instant death.
Silat/Pencak Silat is from Indonesia not malaysia
so how about the MMA as a separate style - i would suggest it...
http://www.mmajudo.net
Yardovich, Betinhorj:
Ninjitsu is rightfully not on the list because it is not a fighting style. The fighting style employed by ninjas was called Taijitsu. Ninjitsu, just as cool, is actually the equivalent of a US Soldier's MOS (military occupational specialty). It encompasses all of the other things that makes the ninja a true badass: land navigations skills, espionage techniques, disguises, escape and evasion, self-aid etc.
Hey!
Brilliant article, but just so you know, the video of Sambo actually mostly shows Aikido moves. Seeing that aikido is mostly a self-defense sport and the video showed disarming / defending techniques, it's not that surprising, but it's far from being some kind of revolutionnary martial art form as you seem to believe.
Anyway, great article, as always on this website! :)
I see a decent but limited and misinformed list of pugilist arts. Aside from Sambo these are all more focused as striking arts, and some even as weapon sets! Where is the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu? The Sambo guy is in a BJJ submission in the photo. I think the submission grappling is the most lethal of all and am shocked it didn’t make the cut. I have my blue belt in BJJ, which is only level 2, and I own larger and stronger guys when we fight at my gym that have much more years of training in their striking arts (and cheesy belts too!). Once you close the distance and lock up, all those striking techniques are taken away and they’re in your world and are helpless and oblivious to their mistakes like an instinct driven white belt. I’m not boasting as a bad ass just sharing my experience on the mat with people doing this stuff for real. The only time a striker wins is when they cross-train in at least enough grappling to defend against it. For example a Tae Kwon Do guy isn’t going to outwrestle a wrestler and he can’t kick effectively while pinned. So he must not wrestle and keep it a kickboxing match… good luck with that. Contrary to popular belief, BJJ is not limited to dominant positioning followed by chokes and joint locks. The reason why people think there is no striking is because we don’t stand and trade punches like a boxer. Our techniques protect us and prevent us from getting hit. We would rather sit on your neck while we hold your arm out of the way so that we can pummel your face with our free limb at our leisure.
Krav Maga is all about hype and making money. A true MA gives you tools and techniques that are effective in every position you find yourself in. That includes floored with a more powerful opponent on top of you. Also the quality of training, you won’t be lethal if you don’t get those repetitions in training. Some things you can’t effectively practice at full force, like eye gouging for instance.
Speaking as someone with 12 years of experience and a 3rd Degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, I can say that the mainstream martial arts are indeed fairly bogged down with yappy little 13 year-olds rallying the cry of 'look at me; my belt is black!' Added into that is the surprisingly large number of people who quit after reaching 1st Dan. The fact of the matter is that bills have to be paid even for martial arts masters. It just isn't reasonable to start withholding the bottle on any great scale during the first 4-5 years of instruction, because then the little babies will cry and scream and their parents will stop shelling out money. A pulse constitutes most of what one will need to slog through to 1st Dan, and more than 90% of black belt candidates are absolutely dreadful. It usually takes a few years into a person's first black belt for them to start becoming good. By the time students reach 2nd, 3rd, or 4th Dan and make the transition into adulthood, Tae Kwon Do becomes lethal enough. Even with the protective gear that Hart seems to think are beneath real fighters I've seen some pretty horrific damage. While these martial arts may be slightly more lethal than more mainstream methods, the basic difference is one of the students. Many of the countries mentioned in this article are not merely places that have been pwned in the past, but that are still hellholes to this day. They just don't breed the same spoiled white kids that we do, and there's the potential to strive for the world's toughest green belt, or whatever.
WTF is silat doing there...
Good article...though, technically speaking, most of these aren't martial arts. Krav Maga, at least, is definitely not a martial art: it's classified as a combat system.
@magallanes: The reason Krav Maga is good is *because* it utilises techniques from other combat systems. Krav Maga is constantly evolving...it takes the things that works and leaves the things that don't in the dust. Don't get me wrong, I think martial arts are awesome; I'm speaking as someone who's studied Karate, Tae Kwon Do, and Krav Maga, and have to say I vastly prefer Krav Maga. You say "pale clone", I say up-to-date, highly adaptable combat system that can be quickly taught to anyone and utilised in any situation.
But hey, to each their own.
Most martial arts have been watered down to the point that although you can kill a person with it, the practitioners are trained to only maim. These were obviously chosen based on their lethality.
Oh, brother. Quite a bit of ignorance from posters here...but also some on the part of the author. White pine (the type of wood typically used in tameshiwari) is HARDER to break than human bones. White pine requires about 15 pounds of force per square inch. Human bones take about 8.
Of course, a lot of human bones are thicker than a board, as well as being shaped to resist breaking. But I have seen a four year old girl break boards. Think someone with a little more muscle mass, say an eight year old, can't break all your bones? And the rule at the dojo where I train is that you have to be four feet tall to break cement blocks, which take about 45 pounds per square inch. It's fairly easy, and I've seen grown people break up to twelve of them. Humans are a lot more fragile than most people think. If you want an impartial opinion, go ask a doctor.
It's true that not all martial arts are created equal. Neither are all schools that teach a given art equal. Neither are all practitioners at a school equal. Not even if they've had the same amount of training. Judo and Jujitsu are two different things. They mean, respectively, Gentle Way and Gentle Art. Jujitsu is meant for fighting and...that's pretty much it. Judo is more about a lifestyle, sort of. It's about self-improvement, finding harmony through learning to defend oneself.
One final note: Hart blithely dismisses Karate in one paragraph, and in another comments that a key ingredient is countries getting the s**t invaded out of them. He apparently doesn't realize how long Okinawa spent being the Orient's b***h. You know that board-breaking you sneer at, Hart? It stems from the exercises the Okinawans used to learn to master strikes capable of going right through a samurai's chest armor and killing him. A single board break like you see at the McDojos is the most basic of tameshiwari exercises and can be done by a small child, as I said. Some Karate schools practice kicking baseball bats in half and breaking multiple cement blocks.
In summary: I've certainly seen a fair share of schools that crank out black belts who would get destroyed by one of the more vicious styles. But don't be so foolish as to underestimate everyone who practices the more common martial arts.
Why isn't Shaolin Kung Fu on this list? You could break somebody's neck with only the very basic moves.
Hi there:
Krav Maga :its just a newcomer, a pale clone from different technical "stolen" around the globe. Equally to the MCMAP, its just as part as the basic military training and mainly thinking in a burdensome suit or in the use of a weapon as a simple too to beat. Mostly both techniques are developed to be uses as a last resource.
And the worst is, those standard techniques are so choreographic and predictable that even a seasoned street thug can put in trouble to any well trained gi-joe.
A martial arts is defined not by the brute force but by the technique, speed and specially in how unpredictable you can act.
Instead, a good black belt (or even a red belt) on Karate-do (oddly, not mentioned) can kill almost any person with one hit.
Too bad half of these are just systems based off Jujutsu, and bad ones at that. Ninjutsu isn't a badass martial art because they were spies and assassins, so they only fought if caught. Most of the time they would run away and poison your food later.
And as for MCMAP, I hope Human Weapon just showed the worst bits of MCMAP and not the best of it. We teach kids more effective defences than the crap they showed on Human Weapon. Who the hell would use a rolling knee-bar to defend against a rear bear-hug? Especially in a battle situation where an second opponent would kick you in the head.
Krav Maga, or Jew-jutsu as some call it, is seriously effective although it's creator actually learnt judo and hardened back in a variant of jujutsu specialising in weapons
I was a MCMAP instructor in the Marines with 1/7 out of MCAGCC 29 Palms. I always told the guys in my battalion that the s**t doesn't really work unless you're at the green belt level or above. That's when stuff gets fun. The average Marine when I was in (2002-2007) was a tan (lowest) or grey (2nd lowest) belt. It seems there are 2 wars going on right now and a lot of guys my infantry unit included spent a lot of time getting ready to take our vacations to the sand box to spend a lot of time doing MCMAP. Long story short if you go high enough it works and you can "teach" all of your friends at home.
Yaridovich
Ninjutsu is indeed a good martial art with mixed techniques to break bones just like Krav Maga
But isnt on the list because it has all that spiritual budhism teatching thing that a "badass" martial art dont have...
More on Sports
-
Erin Andrews' (Naked) Daily Routine
267,855 views -
How Should I Kick This Guy's Ass? Martial Arts Flowchart
248,594 views -
5 Excuses for Owning Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue
184,976 views -
NFL Games Broken Down by Activity Shown On TV (Pie Chart)
140,352 views
-
The Men Who Stare At Goats: New Trailer
by: CRACKED21,257 views -
Curse of the Duck Hunt Dog
by: Tremendosaur67,902 views
-
Articles
-
Videos
-
Columnists
-
More Cracked
-
About
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
please take a look at
--http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pencak_silat
pencak silat is origin from Indonesia.