Violence, Science And High-ness: The Round-Up!

Articles about drugs, articles about assholes, articles about violent and sexually irresponsible video games... It's seriously like we're trying to get banned from your office. If you're still allowed to visit Cracked, check out the below articles!

SCIENCE DAZE!

The 5 Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High Music, Art and commenting on Cracked articles do not count.

Notable Comment: Goddamnit and several other commenters said "I hate it when people say Watson and Crick discovered DNA." Welp, we hate it when people bitch about bullshit. It's a comedy article. Goodnight, folks!

AAAHHHH!

A History of Violence: 6 Old-School Games as Brutal as GTA Stop blaming GTA every time a kid brings a gun to school. It's Chiller's fault.

Notable Comment: Cafitz says "notice how in the torture chamber video 3:28 when he makes the girl topless he moves the crossahir away so we're all treated to 8 bit boobs" and it is not sad at all that he noticed that right down to the second.

BOOBS!

7 Important Historical Breakthroughs (In Masturbation) All of these people invented perversion, it's our job to perfect it.

Notable Comment: Over in the Digg comments, SmooveO says "Should this be in Digg's Offbeat section or its Beatoff section?" You're never too old for masturbation jokes. (Our livelihood actually depends on that belief.)

BASEHOLE!

11 Baseball Legends (Who Were Also Assholes) You get paid to play baseball and date supermodels. Stop being such pricks.

Notable Comment: We took a whole lot of shit in the comments for not being racist, or something. Typical white bullshit.

YOU YOU YOU!

James Bond Bongs: 15 Devices for the Discreet Stoner We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about: Ways to Make the Olympics Better.

8.07.08:

This is what happens when you let David Lynch direct a Pringles commercial
by iantendo

Editor's pick:

"Rule Number One: You do not talk about Mascot Fight Club."

"Rule Number Two: You do not talk abo--"

"Ralph, we're being broadcast nationally."

"Shit."

8.06.08:

"My life-long dream of carrying the Olympic torch has finally--what THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS!?"
by Boonehams

Editor's pick:

The Bollywood remake of Transformers was about what you'd expect.
by phreesh

8.05.08:

Where's Aquaman the ONE time you actually need him?
by dsp100252

Editor's pick:

NBC4's traffic crab has the report from downtown, over to you, Bob.
by LilMoof

8.04.08:

"Excuse me, sir. I'd like to return this game"

"Why"

"Well, the programming is faulty. Every time I pick up a bob-omb I can't seem to throw it."

"Yes...and..."

"Well, I pretty much have to just run into my enemy while...holding.....explosives....

Editor's pick:

"Do you have Super Mario Cartel?"
by rauco

8.03.08:

This is what happens when 2 high school drama teachers "bring it".
by grantsean

Editor's pick:

Finisheth him!
by mellowd

8.02.08:

I'm here to nail fetish nurses, and eat babies... ...and I'm aaalllll out of babies.
by AlonzoMosely

Editor's pick:

Japanese prostitutes are awesome, but God, I hate dealing with the pimps.
by geniuswaitress

8.01.08:

There have been reports of a "magician," who fits your description, showing kids a disappearing "hotdog." Know anything about this sir...?
by billyh2o

Editor's pick:

No, I don't have a dog. I'm picking up my own crap off the sidewalk. Why? Is that a problem?
by Ed_Gein