Some folks like to pretend we live in an era of debauchery, and that everything that happened over 20 years ago was in the "good old days." You could leave your doors unlocked, movies cost a nickel and hobos hadn't even been invented yet.
They're full of shit, of course. As long as humans have had genitals, they've looked for ways to keep them entertained. Here's a quick history lesson on ...
7The First Sex Toy
Some evidence suggests that dildos may have been in use as early as the Upper Paleolithic era, which was from 40,000 to 10,000 years ago. This indicates our caveman ancestors may have been hunting woolly mammoth while the women-folk were at home going to town on themselves with wang-shaped pieces of rock or bone. There hasn't been a huge amount of research into this, probably due to scientists' fears of making a career-defining breakthrough and getting called "Doctor Dildo" for the rest of their life.
By the 5th century BCE, the Greeks began producing something called an olisbos that was sold in the port of Miletus. Because if there's one thing you needed in the era when the movie 300 took place it was a leather and wood penis to ensure that every aspect of your life was intense and splinter-inducing.
In an age when the Greek and Persian empires were at war and Greek philosophers were dabbling with little boys, the local women were apparently no longer ashamed to name an inanimate penis Carl and sleep with it at night.
The fact that they chose leather and wood, and probably lubricated with olive oil indicates that the sexually liberated Greek lady of that era had a steel-like vagina that would most likely chafe today's man something fierce, and probably devour any small pets he didn't watch closely.
6The First Nudie Pics
Giving more support to the idea that those Upper Paleolithic stone willies were actually sex toys is the discovery that cave paintings from around 40,000 years ago depict what is believed to be some of the first purely sexual art works. While a number of stuffy, scholarly types will go on about fertility symbols, the paintings found in caves in Spain and elsewhere in Europe show sex not so much as a biological function but a kick ass way to spend an afternoon.
Rudimentary drawings of a lumpy man having sex with a lumpy woman and then going out to hunt buffalo may not be Larry Flynt's definition of a good time, but the cave drawings also portrayed acts that could only result in procreation by a miracle of the human mouth. Scholars can keep calling it whatever they want. We're more than happy to claim the video files we've been collecting on our hard drive constitute a comprehensive tribute to the fertility Godess.
Of course, most of the art work depicts women as child bearers and men as wang bearers (yes, drawing wangs has been with us since we evolved thumbs), but a few kinky gems occasionally pop up. Such as, a 13,000 year-old etching of a couple having sex while a 3rd person watches.
We like to picture the artist timidly showing this to his wife with a cocked eyebrow, saying, "So, this is the picture I've been working on. This is me and this is the slave girl here. This is you. So ... what do you think?"