6 People Who Just Fucking Disappeared

#3. Boris Weisfeiler

Who was he?
Boris Weisfeiler was a Soviet mathematician who fled to the United States in the '70s. We think he was kind of a mathematical Yakov Smirnoff.

In the math world he is known for the Weisfeiler-Leman Algorithm and Kac-Weisfeiler conjectures. We here at Cracked have more important and sexier things to do than to explain to you what these things mean, just assume that we'd all be dead if he hadn't figured these things out.

Anyway, sometime around Christmas 1985, Weisfeiler decided that it would fun to romp around Chile for awhile, which back then was run by the CIA-backed dictator Augusto Pinochet. During his rule, the country's major tourist attraction were the hours of fun deciding whether you wanted to be killed by guerrillas or the government. Like many people who lived in Chile at the time, Boris Weisfeiler disappeared.


Pinochet often posed as if being photographed for a rap album cover

When people started to notice that he was missing, the Chilean government immediately declared that he had drowned. They didn't have any evidence for this claim, but that's what's awesome about running a dictatorship: You can say pretty much whatever you want.

What They Say Happened:
In 1990 a Chilean informant said that Weisfeiler was abducted by the government when they suspected him of being a Russian spy. He was allegedly held prisoner in the Dignidad colony, a German colony that was run by a child molesting Nazi named Paul Schafer, which the Chilean secret police used to interrogate prisoners.

The Chilean governments since Pinochet have made some half-assed attempts to find Weisfeiler as one of the 1,000 or so other people who turned up missing during Pinochet's reign. They came up with a few people and then called it quits, not really wanting to follow a trail that may very well end at Nazi child molesters.


What he may look like today. Or not.

What We Think Happened:
Weisfeiler and the other 999 missing built an underground civilization to protect them from the race of child molesting Nazi's they believe took over the world. They live on to this day, spending their days battling off C.H.U.D and various British explorers who are trying to drill to the center of the Earth.

#2. The entire ship and crew of the USS Cyclops

Who were they?
They were the crew of the USS Cyclops, a bunch of rough and tumble badass Navy men who protected America from foreign enemies and mythical sea creatures. We think, that or they spent their time performing campy musicals. Not much is known about the crew, but we'll be optimistic about it.

The Cyclops was on its way back to Maryland in 1918 when it made an unexpected two-day stop in Barbados, they shipped off and all 306 crew members and the whole fucking ship were never seen again. To date it is the largest loss of life in a non-combat situation in Navy history. You can thank us when you've won $400 on Jeopardy.

What They Say Happened:
Did we mention that they were believed to have disappeared either in or near the Bermuda Triangle? So most people are working under the assumption they were sucked into another dimension or some shit.

What We Think Happened:
We're going to take it a step further, and say that with a name like the USS Cyclops and the Bermuda Triangle all coming together, we can only assume one thing: the wrath of Poseidon.

#1. Amelia Earhart

Who was she?
For those of you who crawl under your bed during Women's History Month (March, for those of you with misogynist calendars), Amelia Earhart was one of the most famous female pilots in the world and staunch advocate of women's rights. And without a doubt, no woman before or since has done a better job of disappearing without a trace.

Earhart was already famous for being the first woman to be flown across the Atlantic. She didn't actually do any flying, her job was to keep the flight log. Upon returning to America she became an instant celebrity, going on lecture tours and receiving various product endorsements, including Lucky Strike cigarettes. "After a long day of sitting in a plane, a woman needs to cool down with that fine flavor she knows and loves."

When she wasn't sitting in planes and hooking young girls on cigarettes, she took the time to break several aviation records on her own. Finally in 1937 she vowed to fly around the world, much to the chagrin of hot air balloon tycoons everywhere. After a shaky couple of starts and stops she (along with her co-pilot Fred Noonan) took off from Howland Island. The last anyone heard from either of them was a couple of broken radio transmissions. Contrary to what you'd think, the final transmission was not, "Oh, shiiiiiiit!!!!"


Seen here with Aero, the first dog to fly solo across the Pacific

What They Say Happened:
Since neither the plane nor the pilots were found, most experts assumed they crashed and sank. Other people figured she landed on an island some 300 miles from where she took off, spending her days befriending volleyballs and building coconut radios.

What We Think Happened:
Eaten by the Swiss Family Robinson.

For some people who had the common decency to say something cool on their way out read The 11 Most Badass Last Words Ever Uttered. Or check out Dan O'Brien's look at 4 Celebrities Who Might Just be Superhero Alter-Egos. Or for a guy who's a little too good at disappearing watch Is it Time For Batman to Tone it Down?.

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