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#3.
Sunlight
People with solar urticaria make allergic antibodies against various proteins found in their own skin, creating a reaction when exposed to sunlight and presumably causing them to hiss, bare their teeth and scurry back under a bridge somewhere.
"What's it going to do to me?"
Why would you end up in the emergency room, you ask? Well this is yet another allergy that could lead to anaphylaxis. So, once again, we have the dropping blood pressure and the victim trying to suck air through uncooperative lungs. In a nutshell, this means you could die a horrible, horrible death, the sun effectively becoming God's gigantic death ray.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
Antihistimes or oral steroids will only decrease your symptoms, not make them disappear. They can try to desensitize your skin with repeated exposures to sunlight, seemingly following the Tyler Durden method of alleviating suffering. That therapy only lasts for a few days and needs to be repeated frequently, which in your mind, probably appears to be missing the point. We'll just stay inside, thanks. #2.
Semen
This reaction tends to be on the woman's side in the sense that we can't find any examples of men whose semen makes all women react badly (except in a metaphorical sense). What we do have examples of is men being allergic to their own semen. So let that sink in for a moment.
"What's it going to do to me?"
Reports show women could have swelling, itching, burning of the genital areas, and in severe cases, our old friend anaphylaxis shows up. So if at any point during intercourse, your partner starts screaming, "OH NO, MY BODY IS ON FIRE AND I CAN'T BREATHE," your response should not be, "THAT'S RIGHT, MY DONG IS THE LOST ARK OF THE COVENANT AND YOUR VAGINA IS THE NAZIS."
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
The alternative is they can give the woman allergy shots to desensitize her to the semen. These injections would include small doses of her partner's semen. So basically, either do the nasty as much as possible (possibly while she's breaking out in hives and can't breathe) or have the doctor do a semen injection. If it's the latter just make sure you're absolutely clear in your instructions, and that he is actually a doctor. "But Cracked writers," you're probably saying, "Surely we've reached the end of the list! How could any allergy be worse than this?" #1.
Water
This condition, called Aquagenic Urticaria is very rare, but people do have it and somehow they're still alive.
"What's it going to do to me?"
And don't forget how bad you would smell. The Australian girl who was in the news with this condition has to take one-minute showers. Any more than that, and she'll break out in hives that itch so badly she'll scratch them until they bleed. For those of you thinking that this is yet another allergy that fits neatly into your no sun/exercise/shower lifestyle, imagine how you'd react to the sound of thunder if you knew rain was going to react like acid on your skin. We're thinking it'd be less than awesome.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
"If the water itself is causing the hives, then doctors will usually recommend using a steroid cream or antihistamine to treat the symptoms. The goal of this treatment is to relieve the symptoms, and hope that the condition goes away by itself. There are no approved medications that will cure water urticaria, and there is no guarantee that they will go away on their own. There is only hope. There are two issues with this approach: First--these medications are not a cure, they only treat the symptoms. Second--is that steroids and antihistamines can have severe side effects. They are not intended for long-term use." Wow, all of those words when a simple, "You're fucked" would have sufficed. We hope you're the "hopeful" kind of person that doesn't mind "severe side effects" that even the website won't name, presumably because they're so horrific that now the writer can't sleep at night and lays curled up in a ball, sucking on their thumb. Though probably not because, if you're allergic to water, we're guessing you're allergic to hope, too. If you liked that, check out Your Body Hates You: 6 Gruesome Disorders Anyone Can Get. And remember to watch Gladstone countdown The 6 Most Underwhelming Moments from Steve Jobs' iPhone 3G Unveiling. |
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I happen to suffer from cold uritcaria... Not so fun, and no one ever believes me when I say I can't go outside in the cold or even go swimming until they see the hives that bump up on my skin.
It's a freaking lame allergy, and I seriously miss being able to go out into the snow, since I live in Canada and all. Although I have had the condition for over 7 years, it has gradually toned down in severity... So if any of you out there ever develop it, please know that it can get better over time.
I read about this woman who was allergic to semen AND latex. She must have thought for so long that she was just allergic to sex...
I teach English in Japan, and have about 60 students... and THREE of them are allergic to sunlight... they're not related, either. f*****g vampires...
yeah but how do you go about explaining how you know that about her? "uhh well one day i nutted all over you and you broke out in hives and started screaming"
I think I'm going to tell my baby she's allergic to semen one day. who needs birth control when god built it right in for you?
oh god semen...that sucks, where's the fun in that? Wouldn't u die quickly from the water allergy? Our bodies are made up of a lot of it...
Bockscar. I am so with you. I am a total lazy ass who hates cleaning up my room. I only clean it if I start sneezing non stop and get rashes. I guess its God's way of telling to clean up a bit more. ;p
I'm allergic to the cold as well, it sucks. But luckily I don't live in a country that has winter. ^^
~t
if someone was allergic to all these things they would have one effed up life
People with allergies like this should not be allowed to exist according to the laws of nature. Jesus Christ, I'd rather die than be allergic to f*****g WATER
Damn nazi vaginas
Maybe but personally I prefer the more klingon alien look.
That chick who's allergic to cold ain't bad either.
I have to agree. Just so long as she's not allergic to semen too.
That girl, who's allergic to water, TOTALLY hittable.....
Gee, I thought I had it bad being allergic to fragrances. Sure I can't use most hand soaps, laundry detergents, dish soaps, shampoos and can't stand next to some one wearing perfume/cologne, but really? Doesn't seem so bad next to someone allergic to water. Or semen. Or any of these really.
Electrosensitivity is not an allergy. It is not a real disorder. It is psychosomatic illness, meaning that it is all in their heads. Thre is now way to prove it, and in double-blind tests there was absolutely nothing to support the claim of it being an actual disease. Sorry, I had to point that out.
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The wicked witch of the west was allergic to water.
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Lobster rights? Good one!
Pot makes you a bloodthirsty homosexual pervert.
Take that, James Blunt!
They died like they lived: idiots.
Apparently, science likes sex as much as Cracked.
We know because people tried.
There's such a thing as wanting it too badly.
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Two words: Celiacs disease.