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#3.
Sunlight
People with solar urticaria make allergic antibodies against various proteins found in their own skin, creating a reaction when exposed to sunlight and presumably causing them to hiss, bare their teeth and scurry back under a bridge somewhere.
"What's it going to do to me?"
Why would you end up in the emergency room, you ask? Well this is yet another allergy that could lead to anaphylaxis. So, once again, we have the dropping blood pressure and the victim trying to suck air through uncooperative lungs. In a nutshell, this means you could die a horrible, horrible death, the sun effectively becoming God's gigantic death ray.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
Antihistimes or oral steroids will only decrease your symptoms, not make them disappear. They can try to desensitize your skin with repeated exposures to sunlight, seemingly following the Tyler Durden method of alleviating suffering. That therapy only lasts for a few days and needs to be repeated frequently, which in your mind, probably appears to be missing the point. We'll just stay inside, thanks. #2.
Semen
This reaction tends to be on the woman's side in the sense that we can't find any examples of men whose semen makes all women react badly (except in a metaphorical sense). What we do have examples of is men being allergic to their own semen. So let that sink in for a moment.
"What's it going to do to me?"
Reports show women could have swelling, itching, burning of the genital areas, and in severe cases, our old friend anaphylaxis shows up. So if at any point during intercourse, your partner starts screaming, "OH NO, MY BODY IS ON FIRE AND I CAN'T BREATHE," your response should not be, "THAT'S RIGHT, MY DONG IS THE LOST ARK OF THE COVENANT AND YOUR VAGINA IS THE NAZIS."
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
The alternative is they can give the woman allergy shots to desensitize her to the semen. These injections would include small doses of her partner's semen. So basically, either do the nasty as much as possible (possibly while she's breaking out in hives and can't breathe) or have the doctor do a semen injection. If it's the latter just make sure you're absolutely clear in your instructions, and that he is actually a doctor. "But Cracked writers," you're probably saying, "Surely we've reached the end of the list! How could any allergy be worse than this?" #1.
Water
This condition, called Aquagenic Urticaria is very rare, but people do have it and somehow they're still alive.
"What's it going to do to me?"
And don't forget how bad you would smell. The Australian girl who was in the news with this condition has to take one-minute showers. Any more than that, and she'll break out in hives that itch so badly she'll scratch them until they bleed. For those of you thinking that this is yet another allergy that fits neatly into your no sun/exercise/shower lifestyle, imagine how you'd react to the sound of thunder if you knew rain was going to react like acid on your skin. We're thinking it'd be less than awesome.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
"If the water itself is causing the hives, then doctors will usually recommend using a steroid cream or antihistamine to treat the symptoms. The goal of this treatment is to relieve the symptoms, and hope that the condition goes away by itself. There are no approved medications that will cure water urticaria, and there is no guarantee that they will go away on their own. There is only hope. There are two issues with this approach: First--these medications are not a cure, they only treat the symptoms. Second--is that steroids and antihistamines can have severe side effects. They are not intended for long-term use." Wow, all of those words when a simple, "You're fucked" would have sufficed. We hope you're the "hopeful" kind of person that doesn't mind "severe side effects" that even the website won't name, presumably because they're so horrific that now the writer can't sleep at night and lays curled up in a ball, sucking on their thumb. Though probably not because, if you're allergic to water, we're guessing you're allergic to hope, too. If you liked that, check out Your Body Hates You: 6 Gruesome Disorders Anyone Can Get. And remember to watch Gladstone countdown The 6 Most Underwhelming Moments from Steve Jobs' iPhone 3G Unveiling. |
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My girlfriend is alergic to sweat, even her own... she gets a rash and hives, albeit short lived. On the upside, she keeps herself quite clean.
It was recently discovered that some of my siblings have Celiac (also called non-tropical sprue), and so they have to avoid gluten, which is in practically every manufactured edible product not sold at a health co-op. The side effects are pretty messed up. My brother was initially diagnosed with spastic colon until the doctors figured out it was gluten... and my sister suffered some bone-density and fertility issues as a result.
After reading the article, I think I might just be alergic to electricity. Sigh.
Haha i'm so glad i found this article, i was mildly allergic to the sun for about a month because of overexposure, it was the craziest thing ever.
I have no idea why it went away, but i'm so glad it did, it really was torturous.
I went to summer camp with a girl who had a water allergy. One day we went swimming in the lake and she got hives all over her stomach and legs. People don't even believe me when I tell that story, but now Cracked readers know the truth!
I thought I was the one of the only ones allergic to the cold. Nice to know I'm not. I will literally puke if I go into the shade during summer, in addition to large ass hives and tightening skin and all that.. yeah. not fun.
I have solar urticaria, the one not made fun of :P
It is a rather difficult disorder to live with. Periodically I slather myself in SPF 100 and take antihistamines so I can go do things with my friends, but on a regular basis I sleep in the daytime and keep the curtains closed. When I'm exposed to sunlight I get blotchy rashes and a faint, dizzy feeling that leads to passing out.
I have fibromyalgia syndrome and didn't develop a sun allergy until I got sick with this disorder so it is possible that they are intertwined somehow. I also can't handle extreme cold or heat.
I'ce has Cold Uticaria since the day I was born. On the way back from the Hospital, my parents noticed my face was swollen and covered in red welts- Itw as the middle of February.
It has a nasty tendancy of going away (or the symptoms lessening) for awhile (say, several months to several years) And then flooding back full-force.
It sucks. I take antihistamines every day for it, and luckily they allow me to go out in the cold (At least this year.)
Ha.
Two words: Celiacs disease.
I happen to suffer from cold uritcaria... Not so fun, and no one ever believes me when I say I can't go outside in the cold or even go swimming until they see the hives that bump up on my skin.
It's a freaking lame allergy, and I seriously miss being able to go out into the snow, since I live in Canada and all. Although I have had the condition for over 7 years, it has gradually toned down in severity... So if any of you out there ever develop it, please know that it can get better over time.
I read about this woman who was allergic to semen AND latex. She must have thought for so long that she was just allergic to sex...
I teach English in Japan, and have about 60 students... and THREE of them are allergic to sunlight... they're not related, either. f*****g vampires...
yeah but how do you go about explaining how you know that about her? "uhh well one day i nutted all over you and you broke out in hives and started screaming"
I think I'm going to tell my baby she's allergic to semen one day. who needs birth control when god built it right in for you?
oh god semen...that sucks, where's the fun in that? Wouldn't u die quickly from the water allergy? Our bodies are made up of a lot of it...
Bockscar. I am so with you. I am a total lazy ass who hates cleaning up my room. I only clean it if I start sneezing non stop and get rashes. I guess its God's way of telling to clean up a bit more. ;p
I'm allergic to the cold as well, it sucks. But luckily I don't live in a country that has winter. ^^
~t
if someone was allergic to all these things they would have one effed up life
People with allergies like this should not be allowed to exist according to the laws of nature. Jesus Christ, I'd rather die than be allergic to f*****g WATER
Damn nazi vaginas
Maybe but personally I prefer the more klingon alien look.
That chick who's allergic to cold ain't bad either.
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I used to be allergic to the sun, it used to be quite a pain, I would develop these irritating rashes. Thankfully grew out of it. And now atleast I know it could've been worse... atleast Im not allergic to semen