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9 Insane Cases that Prove the US Legal System Is Screwed
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Exhibit 4: Mr. Loophole (TM)
He's cleared people of speeding over 100 miles an hour based on laws from the days of the Model T, when the only way to get a car moving that fast was throw it off a cliff. He refuses to meet clients before proceedings in case he'd be compromised by any extraneous details they might reveal. Translation: "My clients are so guilty that I can't risk even being in the same room as them."
His high-profile clients include a soccer player who killed a father of four by ramming a Mercedes into his Renault. Luckily this was one case where Freeman couldn't derail due process by doing something like claiming a man with nine double-vodkas in his system was sober, arguing that needing to piss is more important than "the law," or accusing a magistrate of winking (all of which he's pulled off in other cases). He proved his absolute lawyerality by once saying, "Morally, I can't (justify it), but ethically, I can." If that makes any sense to you then congratulations, you're either Buddha or psychotic. Exhibit 5: Judge fucks up walking, the world must pay
Wait, there's more. He's also suing the janitor. Yes, a $136,000-a-year judge looking to collect from the lady who literally cleans up after him ... because she got the floor wet while mopping it. Battaglia defines a wet floor as "a dangerous and hazardous traplike condition," because as an experienced judge, he knows other judges aren't allowed to go, "Oh shut up you cash-grubbing asshole." They have to act like he's an entirely reasonable human being and patiently explain that the city did not ambush him with a bucket of water.
If it turns out this guy is living in the same Disney movie as Roy Pearson up there, then it's just a matter of time until some genie or angel or cursed bracelet causes him to swap lives with the janitor. After a few months as a minimum wage worker struggling to make ends meet while rich assholes prance around like the lords of creation, he'll gain a new understanding of the real values that matter in life. Then after that realization he'll wake up and still be a janitor, because fuck him. Exhibit 6: Gambling lawyer sues casino for making her gamble
In fact she lost over a million dollars, her legal practice, her home, her parents' home and claims she even tried to kill herself, so she clearly lost at that too. Of course, none of it is her fault, which is why she's suing seven major Atlantic City casinos for a $20 million jackpot. Because God knows her last attempt to get money out of them worked so well. Since refusing to give money back to the losers is pretty much the foundation of the gambling industry, and they have large mountains of money to hire their own lawyers with, we don't like her chances.
At first, it's hard to know who to root for in this contest between two businesses based on weaseling money out of stupid people. But then you remember the casinos have a buffet. |
Lawyer Nick Freeman has legally and on record made a mockery of the entire judiciary. He's trademarked his nickname, "Mr. Loophole," so not only is he admitting he screws the system, that system is now legally obligated to protect his right to do so. Presumably his next suit will be, "The right to wave my dick in the judge's face is a fundamental civil liberty."
New York State Supreme Court Justice Jack Battaglia slipped on a mopped floor and fractured his knee. As a respected member of the community and a seasoned legal professional, he completely understands the reality of the situation--and how he can sue the city for $1 million.
In a tragedy of retardation that could be given a soundtrack and entitled The Death of Personal Responsibility: The Musical, lawyer Arelia Taveras gambled with client money. In an unsurprising twist, she lost it.
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You forgot to include the case of the woman from Ohio who was found guilty of statutory rape with a boy, and after raping said boy got her pregnant, she sued him for child support...and won.
This lawyer scumbag Nick Freeman, is a British and how can you relate him to US legal system? Could have been more relevant if you use an American layers (i bet its a dime a dozen in New York state alone)
honestly I f*****g hope that Priya Venkatesan is home right now tipping the scales at 350 pounds, face wet with fudge, watching Lifetime and staring at her many cats wondering where did it all go wrong? Probably where you opened your f*****g mouth. What's wrong with America today? Priya Venkatesan.
What? No OJ?
Just in case someone tries to sue the site I thought you should know the above picture of Judge Dredd depicts Dredd putting his fist through the face of a Dark Judge, not, as implied, a civilian.
Yes, the fact I know this is depressing to me.
The fact I felt the need to comment on it has me swallowing copious amounts of pills and vodka as I type.
Expect a call from my lawyer.
Loved this article. One technicality though, Nick Freeman is actually a British Lawyer...so the UK system is completely messup as well...
This is an old article, but I have a stupid legal thing I want to rant about briefly.
The state of California, after last year banning talking on cell phones while driving, actually had to go back and write a law this year forbidding *text messaging* while driving. Can we just make a law for obvious f*****g stupidity?
I love what you did with the 8 to 9 transition. Great.
There's a guy sueing a police officer right now in Alexandria la. The guy was running from the police while carrying enough drugs to o.d. a herd of horses. As he was coming out from between two houses (while looking over his shoulder to see if he was being followed) he ran right out infront of a police car that centered him. The police officer was looking across the street at the other houses and didn't see him coming out. By the way it was 3 in the morn and the drug dealers have a habit of shooting out the street lights. Any who ha, this guy broke a few bones including his pelvis. He couldn't find any lawyer in town to take his case so he's representing himself now. He's filed his papers (which are all hand written). The one part said that there are screws,pins, and chains holding him together. The last line ends in "I prayer for you to consider..."
i thought that spongbob episode had an original, never-could-happen-in-the-real-world plot, guess i was wrong...
I fell once climbing a 12 foot fence arouond my high school and sprained my knee. I wonder if I could have gotten a million for the school district not putting up signs warning about the dangers of gravity and drunkenness.
laws may be biult for a reason, but many of the laws do not do what they are intended, are misguided or a number of problems
oops I mean 'walk'. please do not take legal action for causing any unjust confusion
You mean it's dangerous to warn on train tracks? A woman sues railroad...
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/s_269598.html
To be fair, most of the firefighters I have worked with and known have had pyro tendencies. This lady was just an idiot.
Goldeneyed/worldismyidea: Yup, Nick Freeman definitely practices in the UK. I know this because I live in the UK, and I know him. He's my dad's solicitor (meaning lawyer, not prostitute - although that would open up some interesting new cases for him, I'm sure) and is, as the above says, an utter douche.
Onodera: Uh no, she spilled the coffee on herself. The driver of the car pulled over after leaving the window, where she placed the coffee between her knees to add cream and sugar and spilled it while attempting to pull the lid off. Her name is Stella Liebeck, look it up.
dear Worldismyidea: I'm sure you're right about Nick Freeman, but thought you might like to know that there are plenty of magistrates in the US:)
kimminator: Don't just read the headlines. That lady didn't spill the coffee on herself. The highly trained window opperator spilt the coffee on the woman, severly burning her womanhood.
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i hate sounding like a total dick but what freeman is quoted as having said at the end of number 4 actully makes perfect sence. while his personal moral code thinks that his defendants are wrong, the ethics of defending his client to the best of his ability are more important so that they get a "fair" trial