L. Ron Hubbard's 5 Most Impressive Lies (Besides Scientology)

#1. On Inventing the Concept of a Moral Code ...

He Said:

His 1981 pamphlet The Way to Happiness was the first moral code (in the history of the universe) based entirely on common sense. By following the 21 precepts outlined in this revolutionary, yet common sense approach to morality, entire communities are transformed into Utopian paradises that resemble the everything-is-made-of-candy room in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Unlike most moral codes, which are based entirely on Jello Pudding Pops and the lyrics to Journey songs, Hubbard's world-altering grocery list-slash-booklet was offering the world principles that heretoforthwith had never, not even once, been organized and stated so conveniently. And thus they were revolutionary.

But Actually:

It turns out that there was already a few "morality codes" or "bullet points for being good" that had been established in list format! Some even predating Hubbard's by at least 100 years! There's this one list, called 'The Ten Commandments' that even had some of Hubbard's same points! Observe:

The Ten Commandments

Author: God, or maybe Moses

# 9 - Do not murder.

The Way to Happiness

Author: L. Ron Hubbard

# 8 - Do not murder.

Well, maybe Hubbard let it slip his mind. All moral codes are bound to overlap at one point:

The Ten Commandments

#5 - Honor your mother and father

The Way to Happiness

# 5 - Honor and help your parents.

Oh come on L. Ron, that's just sloppy. You didn't even attempt to realign the numbers.

In addition to the moral precepts clearly stolen from every other list of moral precepts, Hubbard did offer some innovation with his own list. Such as:

#2 - Be temperate.

#6 - Set a good example.

#9 - Don't do anything illegal.

#17 - Be competent.

And if you don't think those startlingly clever, first-time-ever-stated-in-human-tongue precepts don't work, take a look at some actual testimonials from the official 'Way to Happiness' website:

"I learned how to be a person, and I learned how to treat others the way they want to be treated."

-Olivia

"I learned not to steal people's things, not to kill people, not to punch people. And to not take other peoples' shirts. And to not put fire on in the house."

-Anthea

"I love your organization's booklet entitled The Way to Happiness. I've read it three times already and have shared it with others. Its philosophy parallels mine so closely it is unbelievable."

-J. C., Lieutenant Governor

It truly is unbelievable, Mr. Governor! And thank Xenu that Hubbard taught Olivia how to stop acting like a wombat, and how to act like a person instead. And Anthea's family should definitely get down on their knees and thank their L. Ron bobble head that little Anthea stopped stealing their shirts. And stopped putting fire on in the house.

So perhaps we've been to hard on the man. After all, in these people's lives, apparently only L. Ron Hubbard knew how to solve the fire in the house problem.


If only L. Ron were here ...

Are you consistently putting fire in your house? Do you find yourself reaching for the flamethrower to solve every little problem? Then perhaps L. Ron Hubbard has something to teach you after all.


If you enjoyed that you might like the prequel in which Kristi looks at The The 5 Ballsiest Con Artists to not start a major religion. Or learn an important lesson by watching our video Apparently Real Moms Aren't Like the Ones on MILFhunter.com. Or head to the brand new Official Cracked.com Store and become a startlingly attractive walking advertisement for our site.

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