So this Hate By Numbers gig was coming along pretty nicely. I knew the deal. I’d search cable news clips until I found something that made me want to shout things at my computer. Then I wrote those things down. But last Wednesday, my friend Matt Tobey sent me a link that changed everything. It was the new Kid Rock video. We both agreed the song was grounds for murder, but it was Tobey’s idea to do it as a Hate By Numbers. Could HBN stray from cable news? I wasn’t sure. Would the readers be thrown? And what about Kid Rock fans? Weren’t they sure to be offended? I could hear them now:
“Screw you, Gladstone,” they’d say while ironing a “These Colors Don’t Run” decal onto their overalls. “Kid Rock’s been nominated for three Grammys!”
And that’s true. But lots of people with no talent have been nominated for Grammys. Like Kid Rock for instance.
Ultimately, I decided to just go for it, and let contempt be my guide as it leads me to fun and exciting new areas of disdain. So here it is. A very special episode of Hate By Numbers.
P.S. Yes, I’m going to get a real green screen for future installments. But in the meantime, I quite enjoy the glitch that makes it appear like I’m wearing blue-tinged braces.
Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE and OVER HERE and HERE TOO.
Last 5 posts by HBN
- CNN Thinks Gift Cards Are Complicated (or Contest Winners, Rankings and preparing for the end) - November 17th, 2008
- Twilight Looks Like Crap (or Announcing the Hate By Numbers Contest) - November 10th, 2008
- Japanese Cat Saves Local Economy (Or What Would Hate By Numbers Look Like Without Hate) - November 3rd, 2008
- Marcia Brady Has More Problems Than You'd Imagine (If you imagine that fictional characters are real) - October 27th, 2008
- What if WalMart Made a Movie (or Jack O'Brien works for a living) - October 20th, 2008
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 am
You’re all complete cunts…
you’re ripping on a guy whos out there making a living while you all sit there and post shit about him for doing it?
Possibly the shittest low-budget pile of bollocks I’ve ever seen… soes no-one know what comedy is anymore?
Killroy: ‘We all need to take a stand’ lmao you fucking douchebag… laters homos
October 1st, 2008 at 7:39 am
I also think this song is a rip off of Summer of ‘69. They are very similar structurally.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:45 am
Gladstone, i think you did a good job. ^w^ i didn’t laugh a whole lot, i’m not gonna lie. But it is almost 3am…. i am not to my hypergiggly point in the evening…. but yeah… every time i unfortunately hear this song on the radio i get sooooooo disappointed…. I wanna hear Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon. The other day I actually heard Zevon’s original and gave a sigh of relief. >w< Thank you so much for doing this. *praises in a non-groupie kinda way*
September 24th, 2008 at 7:27 am
[...] Now, apart fromt he fact that it’s an appalingly uninventive couplet (best pointed out by Gladstone - “Kid, I know you’ve talked about mixing Hip-Hop, Rock and Country in your music, and [...]
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I just started watching HBN, but I’ve been coming to Cracked for a while now, it was excellent. I am from Northern Michigan, and I am ashamed that greasy piece of shit Kid Rock was spawned here. Sweet Home Alabama is an overplayed piece of loose stool, and that song is an HUGE insult to Werewolves of London. Warren Zevon probably did a back flip in his motherfucking grave. The comment about the 18 year old rednecks wasn’t far off, either. All of my redneck friends go ape shit over this piece of musical AIDS, yet I gag a little. Kid Rocks music, if it can be called that, is like cancer of the soul. Son of a bitch needs to take a shower, and fade into obscurity.
September 21st, 2008 at 5:51 am
LOL! The only thing funnier than this insightful review is a gaggle of toothless, slavk-jawwed, trendy wiggers and rednecks trying to defend thay talentles Kid Rock and his shitty, unoriginal, cookie-cutter music for the minimum-wage crowd, the same folks that his no-talent ass wouldn’t give a squirt of piss to rub shoulders with (unless they had drugs on them). Truly the next “Vanilla Ice”, who’s trendy fans all turned on once his undeserved popularity declined in the slightest. Pathetic.
September 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
In fact, Loris, via extremly advanced technology we have discovered that you’re case of shoutitis was caught of another addicted shouter; fuckingbitch1
September 13th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Hey Loris…um well I think you have shoutitis…i’m sorry but all that unprotected shouting finally infected you…I just don’t know what to say…
And what I always wanted to know was if you hate Gladstone and “Hate by numbers” that much…why do stay on the link that says under the title…by Gladstone. And then stay on here long enough to express how unfunny you think all his videos are. In fact if you didn’t like the first lot; why did you sit down and watch this?
*rant over*
September 9th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
[...] Some of the list just sucks as music. Der Kommissar? Godzilla? Creed and Kid Rock? [...]
September 9th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
quit hating on the KID… his album is selling plenty and he seems to have a blast doing what he loves… i saw him in concert, he’s awesome… get off his dingus
September 9th, 2008 at 9:00 am
YOU SUCK!!! AND KID ROCK IS LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK….JEALLUS HE MADE HIS MONEY WITH TALENT??? YOU CAN ONLY SLUM UP A FEW PENNIES WITH HATE! BY NUMBERS.. GET REAL AND GET A LIFE ….LMAO YOU’RE THE UTMOST JOKE HERE
September 8th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Right. What’s the difference between “Werewolves of London”, “Sweet Home Alabama”, and this song? The first two took a modicum of skill to make.
Taking two perfectly fine tunes, tossing them in the blender, and adding god-awful lyrics does not a good song make.
No matter what that ass may say, this is not a tribute to anything.
This is a bloody insult.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
[...] read more | digg story [...]
August 25th, 2008 at 12:59 am
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August 25th, 2008 at 12:23 am
[...] read more | digg story No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI Leave a comment Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong> [...]
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:28 pm
[...] read more | digg story [...]
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[...] read more | digg story Posted by milcah70 Filed in Uncategorized [...]
August 15th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Love or hate Kid Rock .. it doesnt matter to me
BUT
If you are going to steal, plagirise or pay homage to Warren Zevon then should AT LEAST get the riff right!!
What sort of an idiot borrows a riff and then plays it wrong? I even went back and found an old Zevon album to be certain, and yep he has completely butchered a simple yet classic riff.
It makes my ears bleed everytime I hear it now.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:13 am
ALL YOU PEOPLE TALKING SHIT ON KID ROCK ARE FUCKING DUMB!!! HE MAKES AAWESOME DAMN MUSIC AND HAS MORE MONEY THAN ANY OF YOU FUCKING IDIOTS WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE!!! FUCK OFF IF YOU DON’T KID ROCK!!!! LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL!
August 3rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I heard this song for the first time between innings at a baseball game. My friend and I heard the opening rif and got excited — “Ah-ooooo, they’re playing Werewolves of London!” Then the lyrics started. “What the hell is that???” Just completely awful. Worst rip-off since that dreadful “If I Were a Rich Girl.”
August 1st, 2008 at 3:01 pm
glad someone else noticed
this hack-fuck took everything that was once badass about the south and turned it into a contrived pop tune. Kid is the avril lavigne of country. I suggest we find whatever virus it takes to ressurect the dead and allow the dead and alive of skynrd to feast on this fuckbucket and kick his lilly MTV ass
July 31st, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Brilliant! You have a new fan here. I found “Hate by Numbers” when I did a Google search for “Kid Rock rips off Warren Zevon”
I guess since he’s running out of ideas he’s going to pick over the corpses of more talented musicians. And as far as the guy who said “…anything he does is cool” now that he nailed Pamela Anderson, I have one word for you … Hepatitis!
July 30th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
omg his new song is soooo shit i h8 it everytime it is played on the radio i get so anoyed
July 29th, 2008 at 8:44 am
[...] 7 Reasons Kid Rock’s New Song Might be the Worst Ever | Cracked.com __________________ The Golden Rule: Never trust a cop [...]
July 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
[...] guy agrees and says everything I need to say:
July 21st, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Oh, and Granholm sucks.
July 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
It’s nice to hear a song about Northern Michigan, too bad it sucks.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Are you actually old enough to have heard any Lynard Skynard when they were still releasing new songs? I didn’t think so. All summer long actually describes my summers in the late seventies. So what if he grew up in Mighigan, its a descent song. Most of his music has had a southern rock feel to it. So get over yourself and go back to thinking you are an authority on southern rock.
July 12th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I seriously am laughing my azz off here as I’m sure Bob Ritchie is laughing his off all the way to the BANK.
How did you manage to gather all of these stupid, uninformed people together in one place.
Quote Kid Rock was an angry poor kid. hahahaha Wrong!!!!
I could sit here and tell you about the best live show you could ever see and the incredible talent of the Twisted Brown Truckers but I dont need to. All you have to do is check the Billboard charts and the media charts to know that 100’s of thousands of people know what they like. And they LOVE KID ROCK and TBT. This song takes people back to their youth when they listened to songs like SHA, and thats a good thing.
Sorry for you folks who dont get it.
Thats ok tho , its hard enough to get Kid Rock tickets as it is, So you all just stay home typing away on your computers while the rest of us are at a Kid Rock concert having the time of our lives.
And if you are brave enough check utube video of Kid Rock at RockAm Ring in Germany. 90,000 people rocking out with the band.
July 11th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Kid Rock?
Isn’t his 15 minutes of fame over by now?
I swear I saw him operating a Tilt-a-Whirl last month.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:39 am
I happen to like Kid Rocks whole Rock & Roll Jesus album and all of his others…You guys are assholes! Im sure the music you listen to is the most magnificent thing made by man-kind, right?
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:13 am
Fantastic song
June 26th, 2008 at 10:00 am
There are only 4 michigan memories from 1989 on my site, if only Kid Rock would sign up to Michigan’s own memory website memorycrawler.com there would be much more nostalgia on the internet:
http://memorycrawler.com/?mem_page=crawl_memories&mode=year&year=1989
I may have to go to his favorite bar in Clarkston and tell him to sign up.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:40 am
I’d like to readdress the neglected subject of Gladstone’s appearance, which some people felt the need to insult, which is just plain mean. Can’t we all just get along, and be nice to each other, respect each other’s opinions and give each other flowers and such other trinkets of affection.
Why all the hostility?…besides, Gladstone is a fine specimen of a man…
June 20th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I don’t get this… haha, nothing wrong with Kid Rock… there is something wrong with letting a song bother you this bad though… get a job
June 20th, 2008 at 1:22 am
I keep searching for a reason why the memory of Warren Zevon had to be tarnished in this way.
I can only assume that God has decided to punish my soul for some past misdeed. But why, God? Why did you take Warren and not me?
Probably because Zevon doesn’t have to hear this shit.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
“This is pretty pathetic. Of course everyone has a right to dislike whatever music they want. But going through every word for critique is a bit much. I would say Kid Rock using various songs to sample is a good thing. they sound good together.”
Except the song sucks. It sucks bad. So the only thing that his sampling does is tell us what ELSE we could be listening to. Also, THEY SOUND THE SAME.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:33 am
You cant say “lots of people with no talent have been nominated for Grammys. Like Kid Rock for instance.” when you’re comparing it to Kid Rock, if there are “lots” of different people nominated, list one of them, not the guy you are trying to put down. It would make more sense.
June 15th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
[...] Cracked has 7 reasons why the new Kid Rock song may be the worst tune ever [...]
June 14th, 2008 at 2:51 am
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June 12th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
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June 10th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
This is pretty pathetic. Of course everyone has a right to dislike whatever music they want. But going through every word for critique is a bit much. I would say Kid Rock using various songs to sample is a good thing. they sound good together. and since this is a major release i’m sure all the copyright holders got paid. they don’t have to “make sense” to you, they have to work together.
If this were actually funny, I would just laugh it off. But it’s not funny and you come off kind of “holier-than-thou” and kind of douchebaggy. And work on that chroma key thing.
I am biased. I have a lot of respect for Kid Rock. Even if I don’t like all of his songs (I don’t like this one). But he is a talented musician and a damn good producer.
June 9th, 2008 at 10:54 am
honestly, i loved “Devil Without a Cause”, so did every other teenager back in 1999, but everything Kid Rock has done since has been shit. Duet with Sheryl Crow? Ripping off every classic rock song including my beloved Metallica? Banging a plastic doll with Hepatitis?
June 9th, 2008 at 9:46 am
One thing he should have mentioned is the Apocalypse Now reference with the boat and the “night concert” spot.
June 7th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I just happened to be poking through the forums and saw Chris was throwing rocks at me for my comments on sampling. Speaking as someone who has put years of work into learning to play several instruments, I am completely, and without reservation, unimpressed by those who employ sampling, I don’t care who they are or how “good” people think the songs are. Sampling just leaves me thinking, “Really? Is that the best you could do? You couldn’t even come up with your own hook?”
I don’t want to detract from the topic that this song, sampling or not, sucks ape nuts, but I would have given Kid Rock some credit for at least actually learning to play the songs.
Nevertheless, Chris, if you like sampling, fine, but you’ll not change my mind on the matter. So if there is any “massive, idiotic fail” here, it’s all on you for thinking that sampling in any way connotes musical talent.
“Wow, he can remix someone else’s music in a new way!”
Yeah, great, and don’t get sued for copyright violations while you’re doing that, dumbass…
June 6th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
where is lex? it’s friday - no lex. sux.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
kid rock makes me want to put an electric drill in my ear. that’s just MY opinion.
for all the kid rock lovers, just as you should defend your right to like/dislike that which you do, gladstone has every right to voice his own opinions. to expect anything less is hypocrisy.
props to gladstone for taking it all in stride.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Oh God…
As if “Sweet Home Alabama” wasn’t TERRIBLE enough in it’s original form. This is like taking a pile of dog shit and topping it off with a nice pile of skunk shit…you know, for extra flavor.
Kid Rock has always sucked…
June 4th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Lord God, Billy Bob! I heard about this KidRock p/o/s and didn’t believe it till my eyes saw it and my poor ears heard it. Now I’m mainlining Pepto just to keep breakfast down.
Is there an antidote? The best thing I can think of right now (and I’m doing it) is to put on The Drive By Truckers’ “Southern Rock Opera” and just let a few songs wash out all the Kid. THAT album is the definition of what it means to appreciate southern-fried 70s rock. I’m personally hoping the DBTs hear about what Kid Rock has done and find some way to gut him with a banjo string and a broken Jack Daniels bottle out behind some disco somewhere.
Once I’ve detox’d with the DBTs, I’ll take a few minutes with Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner and Excitable Boy and Run Straight Down and Mohammed’s Radio and hope, just HOPE that this piece of excrescence from Kid doesn’t hatch an earworm. Then again, how COULD it? The only thing it could make me do is whistle “Werewolves” or “Sweet Home.”
And rhyming “things” with “things” is the worst piece of lyrical “art” since Steve Miller rhymed “Texas” with “facts is.”
Y’know, Pepto don’t taste so bad if you chase it with a little George Dickel.
Thanks for fighting the good fight, Gladstone.
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Warren Zevon… I have to ask a question: Does Warren Zevon’s pure, unbridled awesome cancel out Kid Rock’s horrible bone-wrenching stupidity or has Kid Rock actually tainted Warren Zevon’s legacy? And if he has in fact tainted the author of “Hit Somebody (The Hockey Song)”’s gilded career, can he be shot at Guantanamo Bay?
Thanks, Kid Rock, for reminding us about other people with talent who are dead.
I actually didn’t think the song was that terrible until he did that.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:00 am
Heh. All you people complaining about being exposed to this crap song at least get a few seconds of Morphine in the intro.
But then, I think about the fact that Mark Sandman is dead and Kid Rock is alive and it sucks again.
Anyway, I think a lot of youngsters are missing the true inspiration for this song (and thereby also missing the full lameness of Kid Rock’s ‘creativity’)…clearly, in 89, in Michigan, Kid Rock was listening to Bob Seger’s “Night Moves”, the lyrics to which deal with EXACTLY THE SAME SENTIMENT, and the music to which uses, I believe the very same chords and notes.
Go figger.
The real questions:
Is Gladstone funny or irritating, and which quality is more desirable in a feature titled “Hate By Numbers”??
Does the American public, that reads In Touch, and People and watches MTV and TMZ, deserve any better music than this??
I can answer the latter: If you depend on the record companies and radio stations to tell you what to listen to, you just might be the kind of lamer who should be forced to listen to this crap song about a million times.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:18 pm
OMG! I found so many hot sexy vids @@P l u s M e e t . c o m, where so many big boob women, big booty women and big handsome men mingle together! You can also chat with the vid owner and view their blogs!
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Oh wait… Nadstone! i just got that.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:27 pm
You know, guys, it’s not like making fun of musicians is all that new, or even exclusive to Gladstone’s blog here on this specific website. I think if you discuss music at places where there are any other human beings interested in returning the conversation, you may well find that some people don’t like certain artists, or genres of music. It’s a fairly widespread problem, I admit. You know, I think we would all be happier if no one expressed any kind of opinion on music whatsoever, that way there can be no dissenting opinions or hurt feelings.
And why stop at music. Henceforth, I decree that no one is allowed to even talk about music, movies, books, or television shows (you can still talk about poetry, because that doesn’t count as entertainment). We should probably avoid talking about religion or politics, while we’re at it.
You know what’ll happen then? The terrorists will have won, and we won’t be able to masturbate ever again. Is that what you all want?
So, if you listen to Gladdy’s Hate by Numbers and you disagree with him, feel free to disagree. If you are genuinely offended, then you are probably Kid Rock, as he is the only person being criticized here. If you are Kid Rock, can I have your autograph?
I think, in the end, what I’m trying to say is what time is it, and when does the next corss town bus come by?
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
The number one reason for hating this is just because it’s motherfuckin Kid Rock!
That and also because he “samples” (Which is a nice way of saying ripped off) not one but two classic rock songs which will still be on airwaves 10 years from now while Kid Rock won’t be.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:09 am
Old Country was generally about being a cowboy, farmer, truckdriver or something and often involved a fair bit of musical sophistication. New Country on the other hand is all about being a drunken redneck and requires only about three chords to play effectively.
June 1st, 2008 at 6:25 pm
As a DJ I appreciate that - “it’s like mixing the german and english versions of 99 luftballoons”…I may have to steal that quote haha (don’t worry i’ll give you cred)
June 1st, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Why, yes Nadstone, that is what I meant. Thanks for pointing out my mistake. I guess I should curl up into a ball and ponder why I need to post long-winded diatribes on a semi-humorous website, searching for external validation. Oh wait.. that isn’t me. Carry on, good sir. I am going to go listen to some Lynard Skynard and beat my wife, then maybe paint the flamingos in front of the trailer. After the NASCAR race is over, of course. Can’t wait for the next Hate By Numbers…
June 1st, 2008 at 12:01 pm
No, I’m reading it too, just sitting here, waiting for you, Gladstone, to feed me my next opinion.
Oh shit, I’m out of Mountain Dew.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:45 am
Hullo Gladstone.
Please do a review of my even newer and even fantasticer song, “Amen.”
I really give my newly found vocal chops a workout on that one.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:02 am
I believe you mean “fundamental misunderstanding of the difference between ‘trite’ and ‘contrite’” instead of “typo.”
Don’t worry about it. The post is old now. I’m sure only you and I are reading.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:30 am
Oh gee, must have been one of those typos. Shouldn’t you be sipping a mojito and waxing philosophical about how everyone sucks? I’m sure the chaps down at the local putz bar are waiting patiently for you to come feed them their opinion.
June 1st, 2008 at 6:06 am
Of course, there are people using sampling to create great music. That’s part of what makes me detest this song so much. It is everything that sampling is not supposed to be. Talented samplers take pre-existing elements to create something wholly new. You know when sampling is done poorly when the best part of the new song is merely the recognizable part of the old one.
I’m not a purist. Yes. DJ Shadow. Beck’s Jackass is some of my favorite sampling.
June 1st, 2008 at 2:10 am
I. Kutchakokov = massive, idiotic fail.
There are talented people out there who make great stuff using sampling. Have you ever listened to “Endtroducing….” by DJ Shadow?
June 1st, 2008 at 2:10 am
I think you mean “trite” not “contrite.”
May 31st, 2008 at 9:00 am
Gee, Gladbone, in your contrite little bash session, you spelled Lynyrd Skynyrd AND Ronnie Van Zant incorrectly. That is not a typo. That is ignorance. I guess I shouldn’t point out your shortcomings though, seeing as how all your groupies are probably shaking their Mountain Dew-stained pale fists at me in anger. All from the sanctity and security of their computer desks, no doubt.
May 30th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Thank you for perfectly expressing the rage I feel every time I hear this fucking song.
May 30th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
kid rock sucks ass. He is a great example of everything wrong with our country right now. Great point about his lame ass making money while so many people in his home state are unemployed. The music world would be a much better place without talentless people like him. What happened to standards in the music industry?
May 30th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I wouldn’t say completely worthless musically, as others have said here “Only God knows Why” wasn’t to bad, but that ’s about it. Well “Cowboy” was kinda cool, but I lost a taste for it the 258th time I heard it.
May 30th, 2008 at 8:23 am
A friend in need is a friend indeed,
May 30th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Um, this is a video, so I’m not sure how I could spell Lynard Skynyrd wrong on film. It was a typo in the commetns.
I –in no way– made fun of Skynyrd, the South, or the midwest. It makes me sad that you think I did. I did make fun of Kid Rock. And I do continue to believe he’worthless musically.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:22 am
You know, I get the whole “Lets-put-down-Kid-Rock” bullshit. But seriously.. if you are going to use Ronnie Van Zant as a factor in your rather whiny commentary, please learn to spell the group correctly. It’s Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now go ahead and make fun of me for sticking up for this “redneck” band.. or even *gasp* admit that I like them. Who gives a fuck. You are just some whiny-ass nerd that sits in front of a monitor looking for something to bitch about. Like someone else said: it is easy to pick on the midwest. It’s also easy to pick on the white trash contingent that worships Kid Rock, not knowing his true roots. Frankly, I think the new stuff is a little crappy. He should have stuck to his roots. If you open your mind and listen to “Polyfuze Method” you would see how far ahead of his time that album was. He was rapping about shit in 93 that fuckbag Eminem seemed to copy oh-so-perfectly. But seeing as how you would be waaaay to cool to give it a listen, keep popping off your smarmy whiny bullshit. I’m sure all the hipper-than-thou Ipod-Coldplay worshipping crowd will continue to worship you as though you are a musical genius, whereas anyone with an ear for talent knows that you are a shmuck. Get bent.
May 30th, 2008 at 12:46 am
Top shelf as usual. I will miss the News on Cracked, but if this segment becomes a regular installment it might save me from the self-destructive drug binge that inevitably follows the loss of a beloved Cracked installment. It will then become a joyful drug binge.
I really think you should have gone for the “thank you for coming” bit, I choked on my soda just reading it. And don’t listen to these Philistines, you’re a very handsome fellow.
May 29th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Gladstone, keep up the good work. This edition of “Hate By Numbers” was just fine. Ignore all the haters who stumbled onto this video completely ignorant of what this site is about and are, for some reason, under the assumption that you’re trying to be a professional music critic. Regular Cracked visitors know that your videos are just meant to be humorous observations. But I’m guessing you know better than to take anyone who defends Kid Rock seriously…especially when they actually have the gall to use words like “prolific” to describe him.
May 29th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
hey maybe next time don’t wear a shirt
May 29th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
This Gladstone guy is extremely unfunny. None of the videos he makes are the slightest bit funny. Kid Rock has gone on Letterman and stated that this song is a mix of Sweet Home Alabama, Werewolves of London, and Take the Money and Run. This is not something he is denying. He used these songs because all of the chord progressions were the same. This song is a tribute to those songs, and the lyrics are about reminiscing….which is why they were singing Sweet Home Alabama in northern Michigan during a summer it was popular on the radio……not because you have to be in/from Alabama to sing that song. Now, Kid Rock doesn’t have the most complex lyrics around, but your lack of understanding them makes you even dumber than Kid Rock….which in your book, is probably a very unfortunate thing.
Kid Rock has more talent than you could ever dream of. He is prolific at playing every instrument his band uses, including the turntables. He was a successful artist/producer/salesman before he every even had a national recording contract. You make pathetic, unfunny youtube videos.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Some things just go too far. I’m hopeful that this one will indeed be enough to make the dead rise from their graves and take vengeance upon the dim and obnoxious.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
And Jack O’Brien or Dan O’Brien. Not that I don’t have my doubts about them both. But really. I wrote the article. I mean, I’m in the vid. Did you think one of those O’Briens was me and you hate me/them for bringing Kid into your life?
I’m so confused Tommy. Where did you go?
May 29th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Why is O’Brien a Nazi?
I’m not disagreeing with you, mind you. But what are you talking about Tommy?
May 29th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Thank God. That song is awful. I wanted to kill myself when Werewolves of London turned into that greasy asshole’s singing. O’brien’s a Nazi.
May 29th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
[...] ever mention Michigan — But seriously, this guy is right. Click the link, watch the rant video.
May 29th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Dennis (and everyone else), the ‘I Nailed Pamela Club’ is not that exclusive.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Oh well, everyone has a miss sometimes. You’ll pick it back up next week, these are usually damn funny.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
You speak truth, sir, and I am mollified. I never figured you for a stalker, anyway–I kind of figured that was DOB’s “deal.” (I can’t think of a better word to put there.)
May 29th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Res_Ipsa, this is nothing compared to DIGG. BUT, when I did some needy, pathetic further investigation, I did notice that the postive comments far outweighed the negative on both sites. Also, the DIGG success brought people to this site who otherwise would never be here. And who probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote or reproduce sexually.
2 people on digg actually believed the Gov. Granholm thing.
And lastly, even some of the supporters are probably frightening people. That’s why I have to just rely on the judgment of just one person: that’s right. The cameraman kid from the Casnadian Destroyer video. And he’s totally on board. Big fan.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
From the negative comments posted on this, I can only assume that Gladstone is going around to people’s houses, pointing guns at their heads, and forcing them to watch the video. And then forcing them to comment. Bad, bad Gladstone. That sort of behavior should only be reserved for genuine stalking. Or, I suppose the alternative explanation is that they have a computer virus which prevents them from not watching the video. Because when I see/hear something I dislike on the Internet, or TV, or the radio, I stop listening or watching it. Amazing, I know.
David, didn’t you know that Kid Rock invented “Rock-N-Roll?” I mean, his name even has “Rock” right in it! Or maybe he invented being badass. Or both. Whatever; I stopped caring.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:05 am
I loved the crack about Kid Rock spot welding his necklace to his chest! That was hilarious.
Not as funny as comparing Kid Rock to Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel, but still funny.
Kid Rock sucks. What kind of asshole was born in the ’70s, yet calls himself The Original Rock-N-Roll Badass?
May 29th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Stop making shit up, Evan! That doesn’t make any sense at all!
May 29th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Well, Maboroshi 77, “Werewolves of London” has to do with werewolves. And London.
May 29th, 2008 at 3:53 am
Fucking horrible. Kid Rock is by far one the worst things to ever be cranked out by the music industry. Every song on every album is the worst song ever (although I’m not quite sure how that’s possible). This is a man who needs to be drawn and quartered, cooked, eaten, and shat out into the mouths of all his fans. Either way I hope he gets hit by a bus today.
Anyway, @ Gladstone, best one yet….detractors be damned. Genius incarnate.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:36 am
Posted this link in http://www.surfurls.com
May 29th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Do we really need to NAME reasons why Kid Rock is a huge douche? I think not. But it is quite fun to go over all of the reasons that make him terrible in every aspect of life.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:20 am
I really wish he would stop associating himself with Michigan, we have enough failures to be embarrassed about as it is…
May 29th, 2008 at 1:08 am
> the fact that he has nailed Pamela Anderson makes anything he does still cool.
Are you kidding? My gramma nailed Pam Anderson. And she dead.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Please post this on YouTube, because for some reason I can’t view the video.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
That question was suppose to go to Gladstone.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Well now’s a good a time to ask as any, who do you hate more Kurt Cobain or Kid Rock and
the good people from the state of Michigan?
May 28th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
dude, it is so stuck in my head you have no idea. I had to edit that crap for hours.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Dammit, now I have this cancerous song stuck in my head. It’s a little catchy, I’ll admit, but that’s the problem. Curse your funny hide, Gladstone!
May 28th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
gah, i can’t even read all of these comments. but I did notice that apparently an article with 1000 diggs gets WAY meaner responses than one with 100 diggs. i guess there’s a best of both worlds.
*kicks self for intentional yet nonsensical hannah montana reference*
May 28th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Am I the only one who would love to see Magibon in a Kid Rock video? I don’t know why, but just imagine her sitting quietly, winking and twitching her nose while Kid gently croons in the background.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
L-I-M-P B-I-Z-K-I-T.
I just prefer my way. It looks sillier. Less edgy. And I was referring to the entire band, not one single dude. Look what happens when we assume, J-Pappi. Apologies around for tarnishing the comments section of a GREAT piece with infighting. (He started it!! He started it!!)
May 28th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
You worked with “Limp Biscuit” and don’t even know how to spell it or that it’s not a single dude’s name? I would go off on that, but I Durst not. Get it? BWAH-HA-HA! I mixed Shakespeare with a really shitty “entertainer.” God I love cheap vodka and vicodin.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Kid Rock rips off everything he sells. I swear, having worked backstage at many of his shows, he has a song that I believe he stole from Metallica, and the fusion of Sugarhill Gang and De La Soul lyrics is just embarrassing in the BawitdaBaa song. If Pam wasn’t used to greater effect by Tommy Lee, he probably wouldn’t have plowed that field either. Limp Biscuit is gone…why is he still here? (Incidently, and this is true, the guy actually is really nice and approachable, very accomadating and great to work with.) (Limp Biscuit was not, FYI)
May 28th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I laughed my pants off. I mean, seriously, I laughed my fucking pants off. I am no longer wearing pants. I have laughed them off. And it is frigging cold in here. Thanks a lot, Gladstone…you BASTARD. You owe me pants.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Did he just re-sing sweet home alabama? I give this dude credit, he shows his face while talking shit.. Props..
May 28th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Latinos love Morrissey? :O
May 28th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
“But the fact that he has nailed Pamela Anderson makes anything he does still cool. ”
man, do you have any idea what PA looks like now, 40 something, without makeup?
Suffice to say, she wears tons of makeup nowadays for a reason.
On the other hand, Rock’s music is and has always been utter crap.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
THANK YOU KINGMONKEY!!!!! I had that version of the song for a while but lost it, but did not know who did it.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Oh by the way, if you’d like to hear a version of 99 Luftballons with both English and German, Goldfinger did it. It’s a good version.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
ALANIS!!!!
Yes, i have. And YES, I do that. I just forgot to do it for the first half of the vid. It’s what i hate most about the vid. more than the green screen error giving me blue teeth. I promise I will in the future. Thanks for noticing.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hey Gladstone, one quick tip for you: ever seen “Broadcast News”? There’s a scene that talks about a trick that news anchors use. If you can, pull the bottom your coat down in the back and sit on it. It helps to keep a nice, clean line along your shoulders and gets rid of that bunching up around the collar that can happen. Unless you’re standing up. Then I don’t have anything useful to say. Maybe hire some five year olds to hold it down for you?
Oh, and the welding the necklace to his chest thing made me actually l.o.l (and it’s rare I actually do that).
May 28th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
That was Fucking hillarious, and I will now hate this song (even though I probably would have quite liked it if I hadn’t seen this installment of HBN. That’s the impressionable bitch that I am) .
But you shouldn’t joke about welding necklaces to you chest man , stings like a bitch.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:57 am
While watching the Kid Rock part of the video, I couldn’t help but remember his self-parodying role in Joe Dirt. He basically plays a redneck, Iroc-driving twat– always speeding into the scene, and screeching to a halt playing You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet.
I think Mr. Rock is aware of his image, and in trying to capitalize on it, he’s become a charicature of himself.
And on that note, what the fuck’s up with bigblackconnect trying to raise our awareness of the recent Chinese earthquake?
Anyway, glad you’re still hating, Gladstone.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I want to know some latest news about Chinese Earthquake, I’m so sorry to hear that, it was the most terrible disaster in the world. So I should help them try my best, if someone have got some news about it, please inform me at http://www.bigblackconnect.com/, my name is “thatisme”. I’m waiting for your good news…
May 28th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Apparently Kid Rock is paying attractive women to be seen with him.
http://www.etonline.com/photo/2007/10/32088/400_rollingstonecover_kidrock_071003_rollingstone.jpg
Really, how else do you explain it?
May 28th, 2008 at 10:57 am
@ noduce: may I introduce you to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyzuVOYWZq0
May 28th, 2008 at 10:14 am
I am constantly blown away by the @ssholes that post comments here. Is your life really that worthless, do you really have nothing better to do than make weak attempts at criticizing a comedian? At worst he made fun of an unassailably $hitty song that you happen to like, but then there are the legions of self-righteous derelicts who feel the overwhelming urge to share their comedic brilliance with someone who does it for a living. Jesus people, go outside, join a cult, kill yourselves, just f^ck off.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:59 am
[...] I cannot give anyone a legitimate pass on Kid Rock. And neither can Cracked who breaks down every instance of suck in Kid’s new song, which painfully pays homage to his humble “country-esque” [...]
May 28th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Congrats on your article!
May 28th, 2008 at 8:35 am
WTF are you talking about? I wrote that “I do enjoy Cracked on occasion” and my “honest opinion” applies to all your videos, which I watched. Notice it included no reference to Kid Rock.
Did you want me to fill out a survey, too? For fuck’s sake.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Kid Rock’s “History of Rock” album was the end. After 9-11, his immature nihilistic rantings about his money and his cock just seemed as lame as they had probably been all along.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Um, let’s not overlook all the recent comments including those from underage girls and gay men who have taken the time to say they find me attractive!
oh, and yes, that thing about superficial.
I told Jack last week, that this post would unleash a sh*tstorm of hateful comments. Actually, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve read comments criticizing every columnist on the blog — all of whom I respect so to those of you defending my honor, thank you, but really, I’m fine.
BTW, for those of you who REALLY do want to criticize this post, it’s important for me to know if you read cracked in the first place and if you like any of my other stuff. Because as i tried in vain to explain to Malarkey, if you think all of cracked or all of me isn’t funny well then just move on.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:24 am
@glendoor
I knew that video reminded me of something! It so is that random chathotchee(sp?) song! The person who conceived this video was a douche.
And on Pamela Anderson, yes she is fake in her appearance, but I still have a soft spot for her for some reason. I think its because she is such a slut, I’m a general “if a guy does it he’s a legend, if a girl does shes a whore” hater type person.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:14 am
No. He could do with being funny though.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:09 am
Does Gladstone need Swaim’s voice, D.O.B.’s abs, or a certain “Lex-appeal” to entertain you people? It always bugs me that some people can’t get past the superficial. If you’re looking for some eye-candy then go visit Ebaum’s and see what he’s stolen this morning. If you’re looking for the funny, then stick around.
Gladstone, great video again. Don’t worry about those who are angry you introduced them to this song, because its sure to be over-played by DJ’s who don’t listen to the music they spin. Most of us would have tuned into our favorite station only to be slapped in the face with this abomination of music. Atleast now we know to change the station before any of our friends hear it and go buy the cd.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Hi Gladstone.
I hate KidRock, but I looove you.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:28 am
‘7 things that annoy you about gladstone’s smarmy face / helium voice’
May 28th, 2008 at 4:38 am
“the Judgernaut Says:
May 27th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Leslie and tuber need some serious musical re-education. It is impossible for this song to be feel good because it is a complete soulless rip of other bands
plus Kid Rock is a complete douchebag
next time you start to crave Kid Rock, poke yourself in the eye and go turn on some Black Keyes”
Haha QFT! goddamm right, black keys are amazing!
Kid rock made a few good songs, hillbilly stomp was pretty ok….but Billy gibbons made it good. I really dont like the new album though.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:46 am
Great job, Gladstone; this was your best one yet.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:52 am
I feel compelled to continue the PamAn debate… I tend to agree with straight guy; Excluding her pre-silicon Playboy days, I find it inconceivable that anyone would’ve ever considered the plastic airhead boner-inducing. TV-stars tend to wiggle their way inside of people’s monkeyspheres pretty quickly, but in Pam’s case one would think her “acting skills” would rather serve to dispel any image of her as a feeling, thinking human being.
Of course, there’s also the slut-factor to consider… Pam’s whole existence seems to be defined by how appealing others find her, and if there’s one thing men like, it’s chicks so desperate for attention they’d resort to (assisted) self-mutilation. Low maintanance, y’know.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Jesus! Even though you were making fun of it, I really wish I hadn’t listened to that stupid song. Even by country music standards that was awful. Also, who directed that music video? Spencer Pratt? Finally, Gladstone, I’m disappointed you ended the segment with that garbage music instead of that cool Morphine song.
May 28th, 2008 at 1:38 am
kid shlock is a retarded trailor trash redneck who happened to jump on the “fusion” rap/rock bandwagon in order to get famous. Fuc good ol boy BS… hicks are corny imbreds!!!
May 28th, 2008 at 12:39 am
@Chickadee
Kid Rock did not grow up poor , his Dad is one of the largest car dealers in Michigan.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:37 am
This Kid Rock song rips off Alan Jackson’s” Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee” in both subject matter of the song and the video is almost identical, with that the exception that Kid Rock apparently can not water ski.
He’s fairly talented but nearly everything he has done that has hit the big time has ripped some one else off.
On the other hand Gladstone is very talented in all he does and some of you need to do some serious self evaluation if you got pissed off about some of his comments because it seems to me some of them hit you very close to home.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:25 am
By the way, this ‘critique’ is not rage filled, and is actually pretty funny.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:23 am
I think of Kid Rock the same way I think of Eminem. They’re both just angry kids who grew up poor and decided to openly trash everything about their “old” life and drink/drug into oblivion IN THE PUBLIC EYE for attention and record sales/money. Once they made a few million, they got on some antidepressants and calmed down knowing that the ‘bad boy, rags to riches’ act was played out. Now that they have some of their private life sorted out, they make songs for their fan clubs that no one else likes except the fan club.
I also must say that I don’t frequent sites like this. I can understand picking around… but letting what other people do get you so infuriated to the point of hating them, I think, is pretty silly. But hey - you do your thing!
May 28th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Move to strike as nonresponsive.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Morphine! I knew I recognized that band.
Am I your audience? I don’t know. I probably fit the demographic. Is your audience familiar with kid rock’s latest? Does it watch fox news regularly? I am not and don’t. However I do enjoy watching both endure mockery.
I would say that the crappier the target, the easier it is to destroy and therefore the less impressive it is to watch. So it’s kinda like going to the circus to watch the acrobats take a dump. Just kidding, I’m trying to be funny. But this is only what - your 4th episode? Your 5th? Everything like this gets better with time.
My honest opinion, which you didn’t ask for, which I fully expect you won’t want to hear, which may or may not even come from your audience (I just wandered here through Digg but I do enjoy Cracked on occasion), is that it’s definitely funny in general, but the humor can be a bit nit-picky at times, and the whole fake-news-anchor-type-character-thing has probably already been done to death. I mean, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have existed now for several years. The Onion’s doing it, too. You could try something different. As a viewer I mostly just want you to stop “acting” and be a bit more natural.
So hopefully that’s constructive criticism.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
NOOOOO!!! He’s ruined werewolves of London *sob* *sob*, even though it was kinda campy it was a great song to sing a long to whilst inebriated. How is it that douchebags like him are allowed to profit from ripping off and butchering classics. These people should be publicly executed, it just makes me so mad…. god I’m choking on my rage here.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Years ago when Kid Rock was in his prime, someone requested him on our Metal radio show. I informed them, and anyone else, on air that we did not play stuff like Kid Rock. Someone then called in angry to explain to us that Kid Rock was the single most talented man in music. Why? Because he could play THREE instruments, guitar, piano, and he could sing. I believe I just hung up laughing…
May 27th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Gladstone, You’re a dickhole. Strait up. Stop hating on someone that actually made it out of Michigan since the 60’s. Kid Rock is doing something different, creating a good rhythm summer song that kids can enjoy and make memories of their own by listening to the radio and hanging with their friends and girlfriends and your trying to suck the life outta him. Sit in your strip club background and find someone else to pick on. Try the Emo kids. They’re a better target with less marketing…hell, maybe you can get some to slit a wrist with your backwoods humor. Dickhole.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I have pissed on an electric fence by accident, ONCE!, and I would much rather read or listen to Gladstone anytime.
There’s a compliment for you Gladstone, your humor is much better than pissing on an electric fence.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Good job, kid rock sucks balls, I wish I could beat every fan of kid rock’s in the state of maine
May 27th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
using ‘the night’ by morphine as an intro… good stuff.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
So if i pick less crappy things to make fun of, I’m allowed to be less funny?
Malarkey, did you enjoy any of the other Hate By Numbers, because if not, i’ve got to fall back on the whole humor is subjective thing and you might not be my audience, but if, so, that’d be interesting to know.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Gladstone -
Here’s the thing. You have destroyed a song that deserves eternal destruction, and that’s admirable. But after watching your review, I don’t think it was worth the suffering I had to endure just by being introduced to the song in the first place. Next time you review anything else this bad, you need to be a lot funnier.
As things stand, this review felt a lot like pissing on an electric fence. I mean, I really hate electric fences. So it’s only right that I should want to piss on them at every convenient opportunity, right? Naturally. But that still doesn’t outweigh the pain I feel having a jolt of electricity travel up the inside of my dick.
Food for thought.
Malarkey
May 27th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
[...] 7 reasons Kid Rock’s new song sucks, and several reasons why I don’t live in Michigan anymore. [...]
May 27th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
That line about mixing the English and German versions of 99 Luftballoons is hysterical.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Um, where was the funny? The “humor” was even worse than the song. Suck squared.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
And just because Kid Rock is touring with the remaining members of Lynard Skynard doesn’t mean that Ronnie Van Zandt would have automatically been on board. May God rest his zombie bones.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Fuck ‘em if they don’t like it, Gladstone. I died inside when I heard this song and I’m damn proud of you giving the middle finger to Kid Rock, web geek or not. People need to show that they aren’t going to tolerate this half-empty glass of monkey piss. I mean, I liked E.M.S.P as much as the next fella, but this is pure radio horse-shit. So, kudos and keep fighting the good fight.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
David. I don’t make fun of Michigan anywhere in the entire video. At all. In any way. Whatsoever. Even a little bit.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
this isn’t funny. i agree with every sentiment but this just isn’t funny. i can’t stand kid rock and love to make fun of him; i still didn’t laugh at this.
i can think of another (fictional) gladstone who may have done this topic justice, however.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Maybe it would have been funnier if I didn’t like the song. /shrug
May 27th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
7 Reasons Kid Rock’s New Song Might be the Worst Ever…
So this Hate By Numbers gig was coming along pretty nicely. I knew the deal.
by Gladstone at cracked.com…
May 27th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
It’s not very good, but I honestly hear 5 or 6 worse songs pounding out of cars every day just walking to work.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Dude, you need to get a life…I need to get a life for writing this reply
KID ROCK HAS NO TALENT! Everyone knows that…the fact that you think this is the worst song ever is actually quite an accomplishment for him.
Anyways, you are not from Michigan so stop being being an over analytical snob. We Michiganders know what’s wrong with our state, we don’t need a dry piece of toast to tell us that.
This would be much more funny if you did a very positive and eloquent review (the Onion), Irony and Satire are tools best left to the masters. Kid Rock is a cheese ball and he knows it…with the exception of his master piece like “Balls in Your Mouth” or “Yodel in da Valley”. These powerful songs captures the magic and love that Kid Rock can only deliver…especially if it is in the mouth.
Gov. Granholm is originally from Ontario, Canada. So if you are going to make fun of our state find some one who could feasibly be from Michigan, like Madonna or Eminem…which could be very funny if you think of him in a wig.
Anyways, get some soul and stop ragging on Kid Rock and Michigan…it’s lame. It doesn’t take much to pick on the rust belt so try a little harder if you are going to pick well tread material. I’m sure you were going to pick on the Motor City Mad Man Ted Nuge, but he knows where you live.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
[...] Von Dada, weren’t you a part of this?
May 27th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I am originally from Alabama and I HATE Lynyrd Skynyrd and Kid Rock, those fucking retards! Sweet Home Alabama, kiss my ass! And is there a more sure-fired way to announce to the world that you have no musical talent than to sample other people’s music? I would pay to see Zevon rise from the grave to kick that no-talent redneck’s ass.
And good job, Gladstone…
May 27th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
dude, shut up. I want to hear that song.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Not sure what is more pathetic, the fact that you hate this song so much because you spent your teenage years in a basement on your dad’s computer, or that you actually took the time to find things “wrong” with the song and make a video so weak, it actually inspired me to post. I’ll give you the “thing-thing”, that did suck, but as a kid who grew up in MI, that song hits home. BTW, “sweet home alabama” is available and plays on radio station outside of it’s namesake state.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
@No Deuces.
Holy crap. You left the same comment on YouTube and here on Cracked? Well, here’s a cut and paste of my reply for the most part:
No one wrote and/or edited any of this for me. It’s all mine for good or bad.
I went with the sports coat and red t shirt because I’m a green screen novice using an old sheet as my screen and i needed colors with contrast.
my hair? I need a haircut. Getting one this week hopefully. Next week it will be short — although i guess you won’t be tuning in.
Yes lots of songs probably suck this bad, but this is the worst use of a another’s material I can remember in a long time.
your lynard skynard touring point is lost on me. Ronnie Van Zandt is dead. I guess the surviving members need money. your point?
this wasn’t meant to be a hard-hitting expose. it was meant to make people laugh. Some people think it sucked. That’s fine. But I certainly succeeded in entertaining a bunch of folks as this is my biggest digg success, and most of the readers of the Cracked blog seem to like it too. So please don’t piss on my parade. Or ya know what? go ahead, piss. It’s your right.
You’re just off the mark on some of your points.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I actually liked the song. I can’t give a shit if it makes sense or not I have always liked his voice and don’t the familiar songs in the background make it feel like something old yet something new.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Honestly, kid rock SUCKS…the only thing I can think of that’s just as annoying or maybe even a little bit more is that video review/bash. Could you be any more elementary school with your lame opinions?
May 27th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
How do you think Chinese Earthquake? I found some newest news and pics about it on http://www.bigblackconnect.com/, it is a serious problem now, so what should we do?
May 27th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
This video was a lovely Yin/Yang concept. Kid Rock’s ridiculousness, idiocy, and lack of talent (at least as evidenced by his singles) perfectly balanced by Gladstone’s subtle yet hate-infused eloquence. Brilliant. The detractors commenting here obviously cannot appreciate anything less subtle than the popular “Guy-getting-hit-in-the-balls” sort of “humor” commonly found on shows such as “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”
Gladstone, you’re a prince. And have you lost weight? (Yeah, yeah, I’ll stop the sucking-up now.)
May 27th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Who knew Kid Rock isn’t John Lennon. Thanks for this exclusive newsflash, Gladstone. Watching your video one question runs through my mind…how does this suck worse than any other song in popular music? It doesn’t. This is more of “Cracked” being “edgy” and making fun of white rednecks. Sure they could have taken down the song “Independent” by Webbie or “Elevator” by Flo Rida but these closet racists are so scared of being outed they won’t even wear black socks.
In the style of your review let’s go over why this video of yours is about as useful as a San Diego weatherman.
“Most of us thought we’d seen the last of Kid…” Do you mean “us” at Cracked? The rest of “us” in the U.S. knew from hearing his music on the radio constantly and that all his albums since “Devil without a Cause” were multi-platinum that another CD was as likely as an Ironman movie sequel. Maybe you fellas at Cracked believe in retirement after some measure of success which explains why you’re still in business.
“…still you should probably upload your memories to a hosting site”. Nice nerd humor, Gladstone, it almost sounds like you had any clue what that meant before it was written and edited for you. Here I thought your trendy sport coat and t-shirt look put you above the techno-dicks that do viral video reviews. Since I am on the subject of your “look” I noticed you have planned messy look with your hair…do you walk with a cane too or does the Dr. House dress up end there?
“a reason for Ronnie Van Zant to kick your ass”. I wondered if you used “the google” to prepare for this, but it appears that you just pulled this Kid Rock video out of your personal iTunes collection. If you google Kid Rock, it appears that he is spending 2008 touring with….wait for it…Lynard Skynard.
“…turns out to be Michigan governor…” What?! Oh wait you wanted to show off your mashup abilities right? Hey cool, you can chop up more than one video at a time.
Thanks Gladstone. You’re hard-hitting expose on Kid Rock took a certain bit of pathetic pandering seen by…well pretty much every wise-ass pseudo critic on the internet. Kudos to you for having the conviction to go where pretty much everyone else has or will. Incidentally, how about you talk to the Kid about scoring some weed. You look about as comfortable on camera as George Bush dancing in Africa.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
They song may suck, but some nerd bitching about it in a video on the internet does not make you cool. Finger of Shame, Cracked, for allowing this tool the use of a webcam.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
The first time I heard this horrible abomination was at work, and I thought, Oh cool theyr’e playing “Werewolves of London!” Then my smile turned to a frown…and then a scowl…It ruined my whole day. It made me sad, and a part of me died just a little inside…
May 27th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
That truly is a piece of shit song. Thanks for pointing it out to me.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Nice job, gladstone. Not that we needed to be reminded that Kid Rock is as much musician as I am from all mighty emperor of the planet of the iridescent potato people.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Thanks for all the love. Yes, I’m going to keep doing them. One complaint I have about the blog is that commenters don’t have avatars like on the regular site so i don’t know who some of you are. And even if your screen name here is the same as on the regular site, i don’t know of any way to search for people. So for those of you who don’t think I suck, please send a friend request so –if you’re so inclined– so I know who you are. Also your social security number and checking account info and mothers maiden name.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
The music isnt for you.. I definitely enjoyed his video more than your snarky attempt at humor. Seriously can someone buy you a decent mic? On second though.. scratch that..
Cracked Magazine?.. they still sell that piece of crap. man I am getting old. reminds me of 1989 in Northern Michigan.. lol.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
How about you play some of your music for us?
Anyone can whine like a little bitch about someone’s song/video on the internet.
And I’m not even a fan of that idiot Kid Rock.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
That was so amazing. Please for the love of God keep doing these things. “Did you just rhyme ‘things’ with ‘things’?” AHHHHHHHAHAHAHA !!!!
May 27th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Seriously, Pam Anderson was never hot.
She was always a phony-looking tramp.
But everyone has different standards.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Two notes:
about the Beastie Boys comment… the reason why commercial was said twice is because Mike D was to rhyme “rehearsal” with “commercial”, but flubbed it in that take. He wanted to do the take over, but Ad-Rock and MCA forced him to keep the take. Kinda makes them human…
And to prove how bad Kid Rock is: from his early album “The Polyfuze Method” (whatever the fuck that means), “Prodigal Son”, which rips most of the playlist of a good classic rock station. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTOudGVxkIE Whe I was a disc jockey, I was forced to play this tripe.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
@LisaL
This steaming pile is actually on the radio!!??!?! Now I know why I havent turned it on in years.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Kid Rock should burn in hell for this recent abomination. Although it would be only fair if zombie Warren Zevon and Ronnie Van Zandt ate his brains first. I imagine hell would be the place that plays this song on a loop for eternity. I was unaware this song existed until Gladstone brought it to my attention. I love HBN but I would give anything to go back to that time of innocence. I guess you let the bad in with the good.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Great comments, everything I would say about Kid Rock. No wonder CD sales are going down, look what record companies put out!
May 27th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Another great video Gladstone! You keep this up and you might just make Sergent.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Instead of Rickrolling people, now I’m going to start Rockrolling them.
Please keep up the good work, Gladstone.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Leslie and tuber need some serious musical re-education. It is impossible for this song to be feel good because it is a complete soulless rip of other bands
plus Kid Rock is a complete douchebag
next time you start to crave Kid Rock, poke yourself in the eye and go turn on some Black Keyes
May 27th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Ghey. Trying waaaaaaaaaaay too hard to be funny.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
‘k, I REALLY don’t want to know about him being caught between a boy and a man….. that’s just icky! I am SO ashamed that he is from my home state (RrM is right about the Sweet Home Alabama thing, you hear it everywhere!). I really really wish he’d just go away, he’s got no talent, no originality and no taste in women (well okay, bad taste). How in the heck did this jacka** get famous?
May 27th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Best ‘Hate by numbers’ so far. Well done Gladstone. Only way it could have been better would have been if I didn’t have to listen to this piece of shit song to get what you said.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
So, Kid Rock is trying to evoke the image of his Glory Days in ‘89 by using two songs from the seventies? Way to really nail that moment in time. Mr. Rock, couldn’t you have at least used Will To Power’s “Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird” medley?
May 27th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I should really learn not to drink soda while I watch these things. Totally choked the first time you said something hilarious. After that I learned. Awesome post. I linked to it on my status, but I don’t know how many of my friends actually have digg accounts. And the comments are actually pretty funny, too.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Thank god…vindication!!! Now would all of you please tell my 13 yr old that his mother was right? About the Werewolves Of London and all…at least?
Somehow this song makes “Baw wit da baw” sound intelligent.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I remember 1989, and I remember what Kid Rock Looked like in 89. It didn’t have much to do with being on the swamp or listening to souther rock either. If memory serves, he was getting ready to release a “rap” album al-la Vanilla Ice, and had hair that would have made Marky-Mark jealous. Somehow, I don’t think Skynard was involved.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
This is the best hate by numbers yet. Good job Gladstone!!!
May 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Now I would totally listen to a mash up of the German/English version of Ninety nine
luftballoons.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
To be honest, as an Alabamian, I would much rather Kid Rock sample “Sweet Home Alabama
Than for it to be co-opted by fucking KFC. You know the same assholes who have tried to
Kentucky out of their name, so now I guess they figure since they’re the ultra hip “KFC”
nobody will care that they use “Sweet Home Alabama” in their chicken commercials.
WELL I FUCKING DO.
But on the other hand Kid Rock is what Kevin Federline would have look like with a career.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
does any one else notice the trend it seems most of these HBN comment boards have at least one refernce to murder… just pointing it out
May 27th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
lol ur right icp for example is way bteer
May 27th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I’m not defending this song - no sane person can defend rhyming “things” with “things” - but I was born and raised in Michigan, and for some strange reason, white Michiganders love the hell out of “Sweet Home Alabama.” You can hear it at least once a day on 101 WRIF. Even Eminem referenced it in “8 Mile.” Why? Who knows? Why exactly do Latinos love Morrissey? Just one of those things.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
The line about spot-welding the necklace to his chest is the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever said in these. Goddamn inspired, man. Keep it up.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
As a huge kid rock fan who has seen him in concert 4 times, I say…
RIGHT ON!
This song does suck. ROLL ON is a much better mid-tempo rock/country song on RNR JESUS, which will probably go unreleased as we are tortured with this piece of eighth-grade drivel. I hate the ‘Summer Songs’ niche, which this seems to be a calculated piece of one.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
If i get a new mic, do I have to say goodbye to the robot?