The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Bullsh*t Statistics
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Every once in a while, you'll hear a statistic so striking you can hardly believe it's true. Our first impulse is to repeat it, because knowing interesting things tends to make people like us better.
Unfortunately, some people are so desperate for interesting facts to quote, that they'll just pull them right out of their ass. Then those facts get repeated, by--you guessed it--people like us.
The six most quoted "too awesome to be true" stats that, in fact, are ...
#6.
You Accidentally Swallow About 8 Spiders a Year
This extremely commonly believed statistic has been fed to us by countless internet chain mails, and probably by some know-it-all kid who sat next to you in some class or other. When you sleep, you open your mouth to breath (and drool on your pillow), and supposedly this is the ideal window of oppurtunity for all the spiders who hang out near your bed hoping to be eaten alive.
Why Is It a Load of Crap?
Well, first of all, this a real kick in the crotch of the intellect of spiders everywhere. Although spiders are occasionally seen doing stupid things, it's safe to assume they have enough wit to realize when they're about to crawl through the mouth of a damned giant. If the giant white teeth aren't enough to deter them from going spelunking down your dark, wet throat (apparently no other animals have these) you'd think the heavy draft and deafening snoring sounds would be some sort of indication of how terrible a home your mouth would be.
Who Started It?
Back in 1993, people were already getting fooled by online urban legends at an amusing rate. So, a columnist for PC Professional named Lisa Holst decided to prove that you could make up anything on the internet and people would believe it.
She did this by making up a set of facts that were utterly ridiculous, the spider myth among them (which itself was taken from a collection of insect folklore that dates back to the 1950s), and unleashing it on the world in the form of emails.
In a twist of oh-so-predictable irony, people who forwarded chain mail about this just "happened" to forget to include the fact that these were completely fake.
Who Was Fooled?
Ask a group of internet strangers and you'll find at least a handful of people who wholeheartedly believe this myth. Presumably because they read it somewhere. You've even got this supposed entomologist from Experts.com quoting it.
In 2006 The UK's Daily Mirror warned that "the average person will swallow anything from eight to 20 spiders before they die."
Not satisfied to go along with the normal fudged data, The Mirror upped the ante of retardation by adding "A spider is also likely to drink from your eye at least THREE times in your life. Some experts have suggested they are attracted by the vibrations of snoring and the smell of undigested food - a good reason to floss your teeth before bedtime."
Really, is that what it takes to get the UK to worry about dental hygiene?
#5.
You Only Use 10% of Your Brain
You've heard it since you were a child, and it might have even crept into one of your textbooks: "We only use 10% of our brain! Just think what we'd be capable of if we could tap into the rest!"
The idea that the brain has UNLIMITED POTENTIAL is probably pretty appealing to 2nd grade teachers whose students complain that they can't do ONE MORE math problem. We still remember our teachers happily informing us that we're only using 10% of our brains, so we could do ten more if we wanted. The implication was of course that if we worked hard enough, we'd be able to set fire to the school with the power of our minds.
Why Is It a Load of Crap?
How fast are you reading this article? Well, let's suppose you are only using 10% of your brain. Now, read it 10x faster. Go, do it now! Are you having trouble? Yeah, that's because you can't devote that other 90% to just whatever you want. The parts of the brain are specialized, so trying to use all of it at once isn't going to make you any smarter. That would be like trying to become a better writer by striving to use all the keys on your keyboard in every sentence.
So the part of your brain you're using to read this article is not the same part you'll be using tonight when you get drunk and fight a hobo. There's even a special part of the brain that apparently keeps you from turning into a dick (No, really).
Who Started It?
There is a bit of debate on who exactly brought this bullshit statistic into the world. A series of neurologists over the past few hundred years figured out that a human can survive when parts of the brain are removed. Over time, this was misinterpreted to mean that the brain uses little of its potential, and thus the 10% statistic was born.
Facts tend to survive based on how interesting they are, rather than whether or not they're true.
Who Was Fooled?
Surely nobody takes this seriously any more, not when a ten-second Google search can tell you otherwise, right? Well don't tell that to Psychology Today, who ran that helpful 2006 article on how to access the lazy 90% of your grey matter.
One of their tips is to replenish the brain with nutrients, but we're assuming we get plenty with all the spiders we've eaten.
#4.
Men Think About Sex Every Seven Seconds
As we all know, men do nothing all day but think about having sex with their girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/friend that happens to be a girl/friend's sister. It should come naturally, then, that, on average, men think about sex every seven seconds or so, right? I mean, what else are men going to think about? Their jobs?
"Puhleaze, sister. We all know what's going on in there."
Why Is It a Load of Crap?
Let's suppose for a moment that you are a man. Have you thought about sex since you began reading this article? Well, probably, yes, because you just read the word "sex" several times. How about when you were reading the spider-eating segment moments ago? Were you imaging a massive spider-orgy? If so, you are unlike most men in the world. As a matter of fact, many experts estimate that 30% of men don't think about sex during the day at all. There are variants of this myth, usually ranging from 3 seconds to 20 seconds, but none of them are based on any actual research, and none of them are really true.
After all, how would they even arrive at such a number? Hook electrodes up to a dude's head and have him walk around for a week, counting how many times the sex lobe lights up?
Who Started It?
The origins of this statistic stretch long and far (no "that's what she said" intended), so again we can't pin it on a single person. We all know who it really was, though. A group of wives sitting at a table drinking tea or coffee, start talking about their horrible husbands. They just hate how it is always about sex sex sex sex sex. So, one of them pulls a number out of her head for a joke. "Did you know that men think about sex every seven seconds?"
The others have a good, womanly laugh about their husbands, and then they all run off to do womanly things, like quilting, or going to the bathroom at the same time. That's what women do, right? We don't really know.
Who Was Fooled?
Well, about half of us, according to this online poll. Countless sites are still including it among their "interesting facts" about sex, like this one and this one over here.
It seems like common sense would have squashed this one even before it got started. Obviously there are long stretches where a guy isn't thinking about sex (say, while spending 45 infuriating minutes on the phone with Microsoft tech support). To make up that average later he would have to think about sex every, what 2 seconds? So for the rest of the day his brain just turns into a spinning kaleidoscope of titty?
It's actually true that suicides go up around the holiday season but not because of the holidays. It's actually because of the weather. People with depression and mood disorders have much more trouble when it's cold and dreary outside, and lack of exposure to the sun causes severe depression. Which is why Alaska has the highest suicide rates in America. There's actually such a thing as Seasonal Depression, where you become depressed at a certain time of year, generally late fall/early winter. But it is bullshit when people attribute it to the holidays and not to the real, way more logical, explanation.
ReplyI woke up with an earwig in my mouth once. True.
Replygroooooss!!
Isn't there another article on cracked somewhere that says the eating spiders myth is true?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYeah, it even said it was more like hundreds rather than 8 if I remember right.
Cracked does that all the time :-)
I don't think that article exists. Not only do I not remember it, but searching for "eat spiders" on the Cracked search doesn't bring up any such thing in the first 100 results.
Number one may have some truth. I was talking to a funeral director and he said the busiest times of year for getting bodies are always Christmas and Easter.
ReplyThe majority of dead people didn't commit suicide, so I don't think the logic holds.
Now, the ham intake might have something to do with the extra deaths around C and E.
I want a spinning kaleidoscope of titty... and I'm not even a lesbian.
ReplyMe too!
The myth of catching a cold from going outside without a coat deserves a honorable mention.
ReplyThat one's in another article about lies your mom told you.
I always thought the "no swimming after eating" rule was about upsetting your stomach. Vigorous exercise right after consuming a lot of food is never a good idea, and once somebody throws up in the pool...well, party's over.
Reply"...and watch your favorite Christmas movie from childhood (Die Hard)."
ReplyI would do that anyway, even if I weren't depressed. It's Die Hard.
And after that, I will watch the Tales from the Crypt episode "And All Through the House...".
Oh, and thank you for debunking the spider one, as the other night I accidentally freaked myself out about that one, since my house had a bug problem briefly.
Hmm. I didn't see the one about how "Women get paid only 76% of what men do" in here. Did I miss it, or did nobody bother posting about it yet?
ReplyWhat's the matter, buddy? Need a hug?
I'm fairly certain #2 is true, for any form of strenuous exercise. The exertion draws blood to your muscles rather than to your stomach and indigestion occurs; nothing terribly dramatic, but potentially rather uncomfortable. Just treading water and marinading shouldn't hurt though.
ReplyThen it's not true, is it?
The "stay under water longer by biting fart bubbles" thing sent me into fits...that's gold.
ReplyIronic making a 'Britain's poor dental hygiene' joke in an article about 'frequently quoted bullshit'.
Replyi think the word you're looking for is hypocritical rather than ironic?
My 9th grade science teacher quoted that fact about spiders in class once. I started asking her how people could even research something like that and wouldn't people KNOW if they swallowed a freaking spider?? She said the spiders that crawl into your mouth are too tiny to wake you up at night, and that they did the study by putting cameras in people's bedrooms...
ReplyI always thought that sounded like bullshit. Why was a woman who pulled facts out her ass teaching students about science??? Well as an arachnophobia, at least I can finally start sleeping peacefully again.
Is it possible that domestic abuse calls went up during the Superbowl, but for some other reason than women actually being beaten? Like, a lot of men go to parties their wives don't go to, so it's a time the women feel safe making the call, because they know their husband will be gone for several hours?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI mean, it could be totally fiction, just like everything else; it just got me wondering. Calls for help could go up when actual abuse is down-- are there more calls during the workday, or the week than evenings and weekends? Where would I look that up? Hmmmm.
Good hypothesis.
I agree. Women in abusive relationships are more likely to think about fleeing or opening up to someone for help when they know they won't see the piece of s**t for a while. I've been told it's part of the reason why a lot of battered women's shelters don't have signs. If they flee while he's not home, he may go looking for her when he does get home. Naturally, if he sees a place with a bright, neon sign reading "Shelter for Battered Women" he'll probably try and cause problems.
Oh yeah, a lot of battered women's shelters are really secretive, for good reason.
Here is another bullshit statistic for you. "Only 2% of rape reports are made falsely."
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWhat? Are you saying that's too high, or too low? define "false." Where did you get the information. If it's "Because she dropped the charges after I said I'd beat her up the next time," I don't want to hear it.
It's people like you that are the reason why a lot of victims DON'T see their rapist go to trial. Also, you do know you sound like a sex offender, right? If you're bitter over some woman that's sad, but you're pretty much projecting the whole "I thought she was joking when she said stop so I put my hand over her mouth...then she ran to the police and cried rape" vibe.
Random, unrelated rape fact about false reports on a comedy article? Yep, you're definitely a rapist.
your comment leads me to be further creeped out by your username.
I heard that bugs crawl into the silos and get ground up with our bread...is that bullshit or is it possible that we eat all those spiders incrementally?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesVery much NOT bullshit. Google "The Food Defect Action Levels".
I get my spiders via supplements.
You probably eat more moth and flay larva than spiders. You're also putting away a fair amount of rodent and small reptile bits a year mixed in with all that wheat and various grain from the threshing process. Vegans should give up now.
That sex one is totally overestimated. I'm a man, and I only think about sex like every two minutes.
ReplyI have heard the 10% of the brain rubbish used to explain psychic powers, the frauds get upset when it is pointed out that that it is fiction ans that they are lying scam artists.
ReplyWhen some one is having an epileptic seizure their brain is more active - more nerve cells are firing does that make some one in mid seizure that much smarter than everyone else.
Another problem is that lately, this myth has been strongly supported in movies such as Inception and Limitless. Most of the people that saw these movies will support the idea that we use 10%-20% no matter what you say.
I actually heard or read at some point that the 10% is true, to a point. that being that typically we are actively only using 10% of our brains at any given time. that's only counting things we are actually thinking about as we do them like typing this comment, practicing piano etc. about half our brain is doing things like making us breathe, listening to the sounds around us, etc.
why not the one-in-three rape statistic?
ReplyBecause you're a moron, that's why.
I didn't even hear of some of these until I read this article
ReplyNice to know humanity is still gullible
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