7Smith & Wesson .500 with 8 3/8" barrel
This gun is for men who looked at Dirty Harry and thought, "I need to have a gun bigger than his," completely missing the point that he's not manly because of his gun. He's manly because he is Dirty Goddamn Harry and the only reason he carries a gun at all is because he was suspended last time he beat a crook to death with his giant wang.
The owner lives for the day that some punk tries to mug him and he can unveil their hand cannon, but a total length of 15 inches and weighing 4 pounds, the gun takes slightly longer to draw than the Sistine Chapel. By the time Billy Beergut Redneck gets the thing clear of his crotch ("No, honestly, it's the fastest place to draw from") he'll already have been mugged.
ABOVE: The S&W .500 can be attached to a jockstrap
No, this is strictly for those who spend more time polishing their weapon than using it.
The motorbike is already the ultimate manly vehicle. Clinging desperately to an engine that honestly could not give a shit whether you live or die. It still wasn't quite lethal enough for one man, who built a jet engine into it. Presumably the store was all out of land mines to juggle.
We'll admit: This isn't so much penis extension as amplification, as anyone who can look at an F-16 and think, "I'd like to do that without the safety equipment and much, much closer to the ground," must at least have some balls to begin with. Or at least he did until he wrapped his crotch around a turbine thruster vibrating its way to Mach 1, becoming the founding member of the “Internal Combustion Castration” club.
Jets aren't usually controlled by handlebars because the only place it's safe to set one off is the sky. Attempt to redirect a reaction turbine with a motorbike tire and you'll leave a long streak of burned rubber, a shorter streak of metal-gouged furrow and a single patch of seared flesh that looks kind of like somebody caught on fire and burst while moving at a few hundred miles an hour. Exactly like that, in fact.